Principle 4: Rebuild Confidence

“Principle 4: Rebuild Confidence,” Help for Spouses (2019)

“Principle 4: Rebuild Confidence,” Help for Spouses

woman smiling

Principle 4: Rebuild Confidence

We can rebuild confidence and grow as individuals as we treat ourselves with love and patience, make and keep covenants, and strengthen our relationships with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.

Rebuilding self-confidence can be a difficult process. A spouse’s pornography use may leave us feeling betrayed, hopeless, and devalued. We may worry about our personal worth and what this means about us.

However, we are children of Heavenly Father who loves us. We are of infinite worth to Him. As we reach out to Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, we can find a sense of self-confidence and individual worth. Relying on the Savior and making Him the center of our lives can strengthen us.

As we strengthen our relationships with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, we can rebuild confidence. Making and keeping covenants binds us to Them. Covenants help us draw on the power of the Savior and attach ourselves to Him. We may not be able to control whether our spouses keep their covenants, but we can keep our own covenants, and that strengthens us and our families.

Elder David A. Bednar of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles said, “As [the spouse] honors [his or] her covenants and as [he or] she is doing [his or] her best to keep the commandments, [the spouse] is worthy to be in the temple. … Is worthy to participate in the ordinance of the sacrament” (“Rebuild Confidence” [video]).

A deep sense of self-worth can come from building a relationship with the Lord and understanding that He has a plan for each of us.

Capture Impressions

Take a moment and write down what you’ve felt as you’ve studied this principle.

Apply This Principle

The following are some helps on additional topics to enhance your learning and application of this principle.

Am I to blame for my spouse’s pornography use?

Our spouses may be viewing pornography for many reasons, but our physical, emotional, and spiritual beauty are not among those reasons. As children of God, we are of infinite worth.

What does the path forward look like?

The path forward often includes taking care of ourselves physically, spiritually, socially, and psychologically. Exploring each of these and considering how they may help in our quest for self-confidence may prove to be important. Relying on personal revelation as we move forward can help us find direction.

Additional Study


couple hugging

Overview for Spouses

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Principle 3: Reach Out

couple laughing together

Principle 5: Restore Safety, Stability, Trust, and Well-Being