Why am I feeling such strong emotions? What’s happening?

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“Why am I feeling such strong emotions? What’s happening?” Help for Spouses (2019)

“Why am I feeling such strong emotions? What’s happening?” Help for Spouses


Why am I feeling such strong emotions? What’s happening?

Many of us experience a barrage of emotions when we find out about our spouses’ pornography use. The emotional pain that comes when our trust is betrayed can be paralyzing and very difficult to deal with. We may feel angry, confused, rejected, frustrated, disoriented, or shocked, among other emotions. In this video, others share how they deal with their strong emotions.

Feeling Strong Emotions Is Normal

Feeling so many strong emotions is common, and we should not feel there is something wrong with us for feeling them—or even for not feeling them. We are each unique individuals and will each experience unique emotional responses. We may not know how to cope, where to turn, or what our next steps should be. We each deal with the pain of having our trust breached in different ways.

We can learn to be still, to be better in touch with our emotions, and to be more gentle with ourselves. We can find ways to handle our strong emotions as they occur. We can take care of our needs by being sensitive to our physical needs, responding gently to our emotions, and nurturing our spirits. As we find what works for us, we can start our process of healing.

What are some ways we can cope with these strong emotions?

Ideas for Taking Action

Here are some ideas that others have found helpful. Prayerfully consider what actions might be best for you, taking into account that they may or may not be listed here.

  • Learn more about dealing with strong emotions. Seek out reliable sources to learn about topics like betrayal trauma, post-traumatic stress, depression, obsessive thinking, anxiety, or other issues you may be experiencing.

    Explore resources for handling difficult or negative thoughts. Helpful examples might be:

  • Consider if there are issues from past negative experiences that are affecting you. Strong emotions from unrelated experiences have been shown to affect current emotional responses. Addressing past injuries that occurred during childhood, dating, or marriage may be helpful in dealing with your current situation.

  • Address any physical issues that may be impacting you. Stress, fatigue, sleep deprivation, and other physical challenges can impact how we manage our emotions.

  • Evaluate your social relationships, and draw close to people who strengthen you. Family, friends, and others can help or hinder our attempts to positively manage our emotional responses.


Woman: Sunset

How can I take care of my needs?


Principle 2: Respond to Strong Emotions


Where can I turn for support?