Principle 4: Rebuild Confidence

    We can rebuild confidence and grow as individuals as we treat ourselves with love and patience, make and keep covenants, and strengthen our relationships with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.

    Rebuilding self-confidence can be a difficult process. A spouse’s pornography use may leave us feeling betrayed, hopeless, and devalued. We may worry about our personal worth and what this means about us.

    However, we are children of a Heavenly Father who loves us. We are of infinite worth to Him. As we reach out to Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, we can find a sense of self-confidence and individual worth. Relying on the Savior and making Him the center of our lives can strengthen us.

    As we strengthen our relationships with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, we can rebuild confidence. Making and keeping covenants binds us to Them. Covenants help us draw on the power of the Savior and attach ourselves to Him. We may not be able to control whether our spouses keep their covenants, but we can keep our own covenants, and that strengthens us and our families.

    Elder David A. Bednar of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles said:

    “As the spouse honors their covenants and does their best to keep the commandments … they are worthy to be in the temple. They are worthy to participate in the ordinance of the sacrament. … There she or he will find the power of godliness that will be so important in navigating the difficulties in the relationship with their spouse.”

    A deep sense of self-worth can come from building a relationship with the Lord and understanding that He has a plan for each of us.

    Capture Impressions

    Take a moment and write down what you’ve felt as you’ve studied this principle.

    Apply This Principle

    The following are some helps on additional topics to enhance your learning and application of this principle.

    Our spouses may be viewing pornography for many reasons, but our physical, emotional, and spiritual beauty are not among those reasons. As children of God, we are of infinite worth.

    The path forward often includes taking care of ourselves physically, spiritually, socially, and psychologically. Exploring each of these and considering how they may help in our quest for self-confidence may prove to be important. Relying on personal revelation as we move forward can help us find direction.

    Additional Study