Questions and Answers
Can I Still Be Happy If Life Doesn’t Go the Way I Planned?
In the face of disappointment, I wondered if I was seeking the right treasure.
Over the past few years, as I’ve entered young adulthood, finished school, and begun a new phase of life, a checklist of to-dos has formed in my mind—a checklist that probably looks like many of yours. Here are a few items on the list:
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Land my dream job
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Find true love and get married in the temple
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Be financially secure
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Have a happy, healthy family
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Serve in my ward and community
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Cultivate fun, interesting hobbies
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Nurture fulfilling relationships
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Die peacefully of old age, surrounded by my family
Seems straightforward enough, right?
But as I’ve faced some difficulties in ticking off the items on my checklist, I’ve been startled out of my naive assumption that things would largely go my way if I lived the gospel. I think most of us imagine a future where things go as planned, so we tend to overlook the possibility of trials and heartache. But I’ve started to wonder—what if I don’t get what I want most out of life? What if I face tragedy and disappointment?
How can I still be happy even if some of my greatest desires go unrealized?
The Real Reason We’re Here
A few months ago, these questions were pressing heavily on my mind. Aspects of my future happiness felt unpredictable and somewhat outside my control.
Around this time, President M. Russell Ballard (1928–2023) passed away. In the wake of his death, I decided to revisit his final general conference talk. Near the end of his message, he shared something that struck me:
“I marvel, and I’m sure that many of you do too, at how blessed we are to know what we know about our purpose in life, why we are here, what we should be trying to do and accomplish in our daily lives. We’re in the process of trying to prepare ourselves, a day at a time, to be a little better, be a little kinder, be a little more prepared for that day, which will surely come, when we shall pass back into the presence of our Heavenly Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.”
As I read these words, my perspective shifted. We’re on earth to prepare to meet God and the Savior. The anxiety I felt about not getting everything I wanted suddenly diminished—because that’s not the true reason we’re here.
Christ as Our Means and End
I realized that I’d been seeing Jesus Christ only as a means to an end. I believed that, with His help, I’d get through trials and ultimately have a good life. And while that’s absolutely true, I’d forgotten another essential truth.
In John 14:6, Christ says: “I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.”
But in Revelation 21:6, He also says, “I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end.”
Jesus Christ is our means and our end.
This life is a test: a time to learn, grow, and become better so we can eventually return to our heavenly parents and Savior. It’s not about getting everything we want. If it were, we wouldn’t have to exercise faith or patience. We would be denied the very experiences that make us humbler and more charitable and add meaning and joy to our lives, “for if [we] never should have bitter [we] could not know the sweet” (Doctrine and Covenants 29:39).
These are the experiences that can ultimately make us more Christlike and guide us back to Him.
What Is Your Treasure?
I recently read a novel about a young shepherd who has a recurring dream. In this dream, he travels to Egypt and discovers hidden treasure at the foot of the pyramids.
The shepherd learns that this dream is symbolic of his purpose in life, and he decides to sell his flock and travel to Egypt to fulfill his dream.
Along the way, there are several times when he almost gives up. Sometimes the journey seems too hard and he doesn’t think it’s worth pushing forward. Other times his circumstances are ideal and he can’t envision anything better than what he already has. But in the face of the temptation to give up, the shepherd continues and eventually reaches the pyramids to find his treasure.
This story made me reflect on what my own treasure is. What dream am I chasing?
The items on my checklist were the first things that came to mind. I’ll admit, I never considered Jesus Christ to be the treasure I’m seeking. I only thought of Him as someone who could guide me on my journey.
But if returning to Him is our ultimate goal, then Christ should be my treasure. Matthew 6:21 states, “For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.”
I realized that I needed to adjust my priorities. I needed to reevaluate the desires of my heart. I understood that the items on my checklist were still important, but my relationship with Jesus Christ was more important. I began thinking of ways I could make Him the focus of my life.
A Change of Heart
As I contemplated how to better make Christ my treasure, I first decided to volunteer as a weekly ordinance worker in the temple. Setting aside time to serve in the Lord’s house is a way I can actively prioritize the Savior in my schedule and take time to focus on Him.
Second, I made a conscious effort to adjust how I was praying. Most of my personal prayers fell into two extremes: they were either lazy and offered half-asleep in bed or they were brief and demanding. In my heart, I knew this wasn’t the correct way to pray.
Now, I ask Heavenly Father to help bend my will to His, and I ask for the companionship of the Spirit to guide me. This doesn’t mean that I don’t still ask for the things I lack, but I’ve noticed that being willing to surrender my checklist to God is surprisingly restful. I can relax, trusting that He knows what is best for me (see Proverbs 3:5–6). And though my prayers aren’t perfect, I’ve felt my heart start to change. It’s beginning to value a new treasure.
The Joy of Covenants
Not knowing what the future holds still sometimes scares me. I wonder about the items on my checklist, and I fear the possibility of them not happening for me. But even if life doesn’t play out the way I want it to, I find encouragement in the words of Elder Dale G. Renlund of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles:
“As you walk the covenant path, from baptism to the temple and throughout life, I promise you power to go against the natural worldly flow—power to learn, power to repent and be sanctified, and power to find hope, comfort, and even joy as you face life’s challenges. I promise you and your family protection against the influence of the adversary, especially when you make the temple a major focus in your life.
“As you come to Christ and are connected to Him and our Heavenly Father by covenant, something seemingly unnatural happens. You are transformed and become perfected in Jesus Christ. You become a covenant child of God and an inheritor in His kingdom.”
Joy isn’t guaranteed only if we get exactly what we want. In fact, it still isn’t guaranteed even if we do. But making and keeping covenants is the surest way we can experience peace and happiness in this life, regardless of what does or doesn’t happen to us.
Whether you are experiencing anxiety about finances, dating, health, or any other challenges, I encourage you to put your focus on Jesus Christ. He is our means and our end.
He is our ultimate treasure.