Especially for Newlyweds
4 Tips for Handling Life When Your Spouse Is in a Busy Season
The Lord sees you and is with you in both the joyful and lonely times of married life.
My husband and I were sitting at a wedding reception, discussing his plans to start medical school. A stranger overheard, turned to me, and jokingly said, “Oh, so you’re going to be a single mother for the next seven years.”
I laughed about this comment later (we don’t even have kids), but for a moment, it tapped into a particular weakness of mine:
I have irrational fears about my husband being in medical school.
Like that stranger, I tend to make broad, sweeping statements about how my life is going to go for the next several years. I imagine—and believe in—the worst-case scenario.
I won’t pretend to be an expert, but my husband has now started medical school, and—spoiler—it wasn’t the end of the world. In fact, I’d even go as far as to say I’ve been downright happy during a time I once dreaded.
Here are just a few pieces of advice to help you thrive while your spouse is in a busy season of life:
1. Build a Strong Support Network
My husband will always be my go-to for the most important things in my life, but he doesn’t have to fulfill every social need I have. I’ve tried to shift my mindset away from thinking I’ll be lonely without him and instead see these years as a unique opportunity to draw strength from my ward, connect with family members, and create a community of wonderful friends.
President Russell M. Nelson taught: “God wants us to work together and help each other. That is why He sends us to earth in families and organizes us into wards and stakes. That is why He asks us to serve and minister to each other. … God’s plan of happiness would be frustrated if His children remained isolated one from another.”
If you’re feeling lonely, consider who else might be needing a friend. Ask Heavenly Father to lead you to people who could benefit from your help and be a help to you.
2. Make It a Time of Learning for You
If your spouse is starting school, a busy calling, or a demanding job, you’re probably anticipating that it will be a time of learning for them. You might be expecting this experience to stretch them and help them grow in new ways.
My husband is learning how to save lives. How amazing is that? While I’m not interested in the medical field, I’ve felt inspired to make this a time of learning for me too. I joined a local orchestra that plays uplifting music. I started volunteering for a community service project that’s meaningful to me. And I also decided to go back to school myself.
President Nelson taught that “education is a religious responsibility.” Depending on where you are in life, you might not be looking at formal education, but consider what learning could look like for you—could this be a time of devoting yourself to learning more from the scriptures? Is there a course you could take that would help you with some aspect of your life or job?
Learning alongside your spouse can be a good way to grow with them and show support for what they’re working on.
3. Remember That It’s Not Bad for Things to Be Hard
I tend to think that if I can craft the perfect plan for every situation, I’ll be able to glide through life and avoid anything uncomfortable. I’m really into planning, and I like to pretend that preparation is the key to a perfect life.
Here’s the truth: It’s not bad for things to be hard. We need challenges and trials. We become stronger and more Christlike when we weather hard times. We learn from Alma that “this life is the time for [us] to prepare to meet God” (Alma 34:32). I think I would feel pretty unprepared to meet my Heavenly Father if I’d avoided all the challenges and hardships that were supposed to help me become like Him.
So don’t feel discouraged if you apply these tips and still feel lonely or resentful. In fact, you should probably assume you’ll feel that way sometimes! But I know it helps me to remember that opposition is part of God’s plan for us.
4. Know That the Savior Understands
Sometimes I get caught up in how much I’m sacrificing for my husband to pursue his medical studies. The extra time I’m spending doing housework, how much I miss him, and the alarming amount of debt we’ve taken on all weigh on my mind.
But if anyone understands sacrifice, it’s the Savior. He has sacrificed more for us than we can comprehend. And not just for my husband—for me too. President Nelson has urged us to “invest time in learning about the Savior and His atoning sacrifice.” Learning more about Jesus Christ’s infinite love has helped lessen the sting of unfairness and alleviate the resentment I sometimes struggle with.
Whatever your situation, I know the Lord sees you and is with you in both the joyful and lonely times of married life. He wants to bless you and help you be happy and fulfilled as you work toward a celestial marriage.
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