Especially for Newlyweds
Making Space for Personal Weaknesses in Marriage
Weaknesses and challenges can help you and your spouse grow closer to God.
Four years of being married to my spouse certainly doesn’t make me an expert on marriage. But in that time, we’ve had our challenges, each one stretching us in ways that have strengthened our relationship and deepened our love for each other.
But each lesson has also reminded us that we are imperfect people—both with weaknesses of our own—and that eternal marriage requires ongoing effort, sacrifice, growth, and reliance on the Savior.
To help you and your spouse avoid unnecessary conflict, here are key lessons I’ve learned about making space for personal weaknesses in marriage.
Saying “I Forgive You” Intentionally
Early in our marriage, my husband and I often discussed areas for improvement. During one serious conversation, I apologized for causing hurt feelings and promised to do better. But when he responded with “I forgive you,” I was caught off guard.
I had always been used to hearing “It’s OK” after apologizing, but those words didn’t ease my guilty conscience. “I forgive you” felt different; it didn’t let me off the hook. I had made a mistake, and it wasn’t just “OK.” It forced me to confront my actions.
Since then, “I forgive you” has become a powerful part of our marriage. We use it intentionally, following through with the changes we need to make. We now reserve this phrase for moments when we truly mean it, reminding each other of the impact of our actions and the importance of forgiveness.
Letting Your Spouse Be Accountable
When we see flaws in our spouse, it’s easy to fall into a pattern of monitoring them—checking in, reminding them, or pestering them to make sure they do the right thing. This might be tempting in areas like finances, church attendance, or personal struggles.
I didn’t realize how much I was doing this until a friend pointed out that constantly scrutinizing my husband didn’t build trust. I was forcing him to be accountable to me instead of letting him demonstrate integrity and his accountability to God. This constant scrutiny was one of my weaknesses!
Over time, we’ve learned to trust each other by allowing space to make choices on our own and coming to the other when we’ve slipped up or need help. We likewise show we can be trusted when we make choices aligned with our shared beliefs and choose to be accountable to each other and to Heavenly Father. This approach has strengthened our trust in one another. “Our agency and freedom have meaning because we are accountable before God and ourselves for who we are, for what we know and do,” as Elder Gerrit W. Gong of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles taught.
Committing to Work on Our Weaknesses
Some weaknesses affect emotional intimacy and trust, so it’s important to create space for these while working to overcome them. This can be a difficult conversation, especially if certain behaviors have no room in your marriage. For my husband and me, we accepted some weaknesses only as long as we committed to continuous improvement and honesty.
In the book of Alma, Captain Moroni fortifies the Nephite cities to protect against attacks, building walls of timber and earth until they became strongholds (see Alma 53:4–5). Similarly, it can be hard to accept imperfections in ourselves or our spouses, but watching each other strive for improvement strengthens emotional intimacy. The effort to fortify each other’s weaknesses ultimately brings us closer, building an eternal stronghold of love and support.
Your Covenants with God Bring Power
When you were sealed in the temple, you made promises not only to each other but also to God. Regarding this covenantal relationship, President Russell M. Nelson reminded us, “The reward for keeping covenants with God is heavenly power—power that strengthens us to withstand our trials, temptations, and heartaches better.”
In times of weakness, remember that by keeping your temple covenants, you’re entitled to receive divine help in your marriage. With God’s power, He can help you forgive, trust, be accountable, make space for each other’s weaknesses, and “make weak things become strong” (Ether 12:27).