Lesson 11 Class Preparation Material: Choosing an Eternal Companion
“Lesson 11 Class Preparation Material: Choosing an Eternal Companion,” The Eternal Family Class Preparation Material (2022)
“Lesson 11 Class Preparation Material,” The Eternal Family Class Preparation Material
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a man and woman talk while walking
Lesson 11 Class Preparation Material
Choosing an Eternal Companion
Elder Quentin L. Cook of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles counseled, “Please get ‘anxiously engaged’ [Doctrine and Covenants 58:27] in spiritual and social activities compatible with your goal of a temple marriage” (“Choose Wisely,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2014, 47). As you study the material for this lesson, consider how faith in the Lord can help you as you seek, choose, and love your eternal companion.
Note: Dating means different things in different cultures. For the purposes of this lesson, dating refers to spending time with someone of the opposite sex while following the standards of the gospel and with the intent of developing a relationship that could eventually lead to marriage.
Section 1
How can exercising faith in the Lord help me develop a relationship that could lead to marriage?
Dating can be wonderful and challenging. It gives us opportunities to get to know others, have new experiences, and learn important lessons about ourselves and relationships. Given the importance of marriage, it should not be surprising that we might experience opposition as we date and prepare for marriage. Have you, or has someone you know, experienced any of the following things that can delay or stop progression toward an eternal marriage?
Fear of rejection
Anxiety in social settings
Lack of opportunity or prospects
Emotional exhaustion because of failed relationships
Economic uncertainty
Singular focus on education or career
Fear of commitment
Loss of confidence in marriage
While serving in the Relief Society General Presidency, President Julie B. Beck observed that many young people are placing “less and less importance on forming an eternal family. Many don’t see forming families as a faith-based work” (“Teaching the Doctrine of the Family,” Ensign, Mar. 2011, 14; emphasis added).
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Study in Preparation for Class
Read Proverbs 3:5–6; 2 Nephi 22:2, and ponder how faith in the Lord can help you as you seek for and choose an eternal companion.
The Lord cares deeply about your experiences with finding and choosing an eternal companion. He will help you as you exercise faith in Him. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles emphasized how our faith in the Savior can influence dating and marriage:
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Elder Jeffrey R. Holland
Believe that your faith has everything to do with your romance, because it does. You separate dating from discipleship at your peril. Jesus Christ, the Light of the World, is the only lamp by which you can successfully see the path of love and happiness. (“How Do I Love Thee?,” New Era, Oct. 2003, 8)
Exercising faith in Jesus Christ involves taking righteous action. As the Lord taught one group of early Latter-day Saints who wanted to know His will for them, He expects us to use our agency to act in faith.
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Study in Preparation for Class
Study Doctrine and Covenants 58:26–28, and think about how you can apply the Lord’s instruction to your efforts to find an eternal companion.
President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, then of the First Presidency, talked about how we can move forward with faith and patience:
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President Dieter F. Uchtdorf
What about those who despair of ever finding an eternal companion? First, don’t give up. Go to activities, meet people, and do all you can. I know that dating can be rough. Rejection is one of the most painful things we can experience. …
… Find simple ways to be together. … The goal is to get to know one individual person and learn how to develop a meaningful relationship with the opposite sex. (“The Reflection in the Water” [Church Educational System fireside for young adults, Nov. 1, 2009], ChurchofJesusChrist.org)
God’s promises are not always fulfilled as quickly as or in the way we might hope; they come according to His timing and in His ways. … [But] the promises of the Lord, if perhaps not always swift, are always certain. (“Continue in Patience,” Ensign or Liahona, May 2010, 58)
While serving as a member of the Presidency of the Seventy, Elder Marlin K. Jensen taught about an important part of the relationship that men and women are to develop in dating:
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Elder Marlin K. Jensen
Friendship is … a vital and wonderful part of courtship and marriage. A relationship between a man and a woman that begins with friendship and then ripens into romance and eventually marriage will usually become an enduring, eternal friendship. (“Friendship: A Gospel Principle,” Ensign, May 1999, 64)
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Ponder in Preparation for Class
What can you do or continue to do to exercise more faith in the Lord in your efforts to date and get married? If you are married, how did you exercise faith in the Lord in your efforts to find your eternal companion?
Section 2
What qualities should I be looking for and developing in preparation for marriage?
Have you ever made a list of qualities you hope for in a spouse? While dating, it is important that a man and a woman spend plenty of time together getting to know each other’s qualities, personality, and values. Elder Robert D. Hales of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles counseled:
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Elder Robert D. Hales
When you date, learn everything you can about each other. Get to know each other’s families when possible. Are your goals compatible? Do you share the same feelings about the commandments, the Savior, the priesthood, the temple, parenting, callings in the Church, and serving others? Have you observed one another under stress, responding to success and failure, resisting anger, and dealing with setbacks? Does the person you are dating tear others down or build them up? Is his or her attitude and language and conduct what you would like to live with every day? (“Meeting the Challenges of Today’s World,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2015, 45–46)
Even more important than the qualities you hope for in your spouse are the qualities you are developing in yourself. Regarding this, Elder David A. Bednar of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles counseled:
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Elder David A. Bednar
Some young people seem to have a shopping list of characteristics they want in a companion and measure their potential: “Do you have all the things that I require?” If you hope to have an eternal companion who has certain spiritual qualities, then you must strive to develop those spiritual qualities in yourself. Then someone who has those qualities will be attracted to you. (In “Understanding Heavenly Father’s Plan,” ChurchofJesusChrist.org; see also Doctrine and Covenants 88:40)
While serving in the Relief Society General Presidency, Sister Carole M. Stephens similarly taught:
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Sister Carole M. Stephens
Study the life of the Savior and try to be more like Him. If you can develop those Christlike attributes in your life and seek to be more like the Savior, then you will be better prepared to be a spouse. (Face to Face with Elder Holland, Sister Stephens, and Elder Hallstrom [worldwide young single adult broadcast, Mar. 8, 2016], facetoface.ChurchofJesusChrist.org)
While it is important for us to develop Christlike qualities and to look for them in a future spouse, we need to be careful that we do not develop unrealistic expectations of ourselves and others. As Elder Hales taught, “None of us marry perfection; we marry potential” (“Meeting the Challenges of Today’s World,” 46).
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Ponder in Preparation for Class
What would you say are the most important Christlike qualities you would like to have in a spouse? What are you doing to develop those qualities in yourself?
Section 3
How can I decide whom to marry?
Choosing whom to marry should be a careful and inspired decision. President Thomas S. Monson shared a piece of advice he saw framed in his aunt and uncle’s home: “Choose your love; love your choice” (“Priesthood Power,” Ensign or Liahona, May 2011, 68).
It may help to recognize that we are not searching for a one-and-only predestined love. President Spencer W. Kimball taught, “‘Soul mates’ are fiction and an illusion” (“Oneness in Marriage,” Ensign, Oct. 2002, 42). Elder Hales explained that when we are making important life decisions, including about marriage, “Heavenly Father expects us to use our agency, study the situation out in our minds according to gospel principles, and bring a decision to Him in prayer” (“The Holy Ghost,” Ensign or Liahona, May 2016, 105).
The Lord wants individuals to invest their best efforts and thinking in deciding whom to marry and to seek confirming revelation about the decision. These and other principles of receiving revelation were taught to Oliver Cowdery early in the Restoration.
