Military Members
Lesson 1: How do I respond to challenges with resilience?


“Lesson 1: How do I respond to challenges with resilience?” Becoming a Self-Reliant and Resilient Family (2016)

“Lesson 1,” Becoming a Self-Reliant and Resilient Family

Lesson 1

How do I respond to challenges with resilience?

The purpose of this lesson is to help military members and their families develop the resilience they need to endure challenges.

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Resources

Following is a list of resources that you can use to study this topic.

Video:

Learning outline

Reflect on your experiences in the military. As a service member or family member, what are some of the advantages and challenges of serving in the military? List some of these advantages and challenges in this workbook. (There may be some experiences that are both an advantage and a challenge.) After you have had a chance to reflect, share with your spouse or with a trusted friend your feelings about how life in the military has affected you and your family. The purpose of this discussion is to give you an opportunity to discuss your experiences with military life openly with others who have had similar experiences.

Advantages

Challenges

Read Doctrine and Covenants 90:24 and 98:3.

How does the principle in these scriptures relate to your list of challenges and advantages? How can these scriptures give you and your family a different perspective on the challenges you may face while in the military?

Principle 1: Resilience can help you face your challenges with faith.

What is resilience? The word resilience can be applied to the behaviors that help people to respond well to stressful situations. Sometimes we assume that people who respond with resilience do not actually feel the stress of different situations. However, resilience is not insensitivity or indifference. In fact, one of the most important factors in responding with resilience is learning to turn to others for support during difficult times. Resilience helps people become flexible and bounce back from setbacks. It helps them to be grateful for life’s simple pleasures and have a strong faith that they can move forward with God’s help, even as they face significant challenges.

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We all experience blessings and challenges, and many of these experiences can work toward our good. Military families have always had to deal with separation from loved ones. However, since 2001, service members have experienced the impact of multiple, high-risk deployments to war zones. They have also faced emotional wars as well—battles against discouragement, disillusionment, distress, cynicism, and anger. Some experience moral injuries as they try to reconcile their combat experiences with God’s teachings. They struggle spiritually, “trying to accept a world of both good and evil, where pain and loss seem unconnected to faith and justice. … [Some say that] God can be found or lost in a foxhole, but rarely [do traumatic events] leave someone’s faith untouched” (Eve Conant, “God, War and the Presidency,” Newsweek, May 6, 2007, newsweek.com).

How has living a military life helped you develop resilience?

When have you successfully responded to a challenge? What was that experience like and what did you learn?

Principle 2: Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ will help you develop resilience.

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This life is a time for us to grow and learn. Rather than removing the challenges that help us grow, Heavenly Father gives us strength to overcome those challenges. In June 2012, Elder Jeffrey R. Holland of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles spoke at a devotional for service members. In his talk, he drew from Joseph Smith’s experiences at Liberty Jail to teach about how Heavenly Father sustains us during difficult times. Elder Holland said:

“My message today is that when you have no other choice, you can have sacred, revelatory, profoundly instructive experience with the Lord in any situation you are in. … Indeed, let me say that even a little stronger: You can have sacred, revelatory, profoundly instructive experience with the Lord in the most miserable experiences of your life—in the worst settings, while enduring the most painful injustices, when facing the most insurmountable odds and opposition you have ever faced” (in Melissa Merrill, “Church Leaders Address Servicemen and Servicewomen in Military Devotional,” Ensign, Oct. 2012, 77).

Read Doctrine and Covenants 121:1–9 and the introduction to section 121.

What was the experience of the Prophet Joseph Smith in Liberty Jail? How did the Lord give him strength and comfort? How has the Lord comforted you and helped you to endure challenges?

Grace is one way we can receive help from Heavenly Father during difficult times. To understand more about grace, look up “Grace” in the Bible Dictionary (page 654) and read the second paragraph in the section. Also read the following statement from Brad Wilcox, a professor at Brigham Young University:

“Growth and development take time. Learning takes time. When we understand grace, we understand that God is long-suffering, that change is a process, and that repentance is a pattern in our lives. When we understand grace, we understand that the blessings of Christ’s Atonement are continuous and His strength is perfect in our weakness (see 2 Corinthians 12:9). When we understand grace, we can, as it says in the Doctrine and Covenants, ‘continue in patience until [we] are perfected’ (Doctrine and Covenants 67:13). …

“Elder Bruce C. Hafen has written, ‘The Savior’s gift of grace to us is not necessarily limited in time to “after” all we can do. We may receive his grace before, during and after the time when we expend our own efforts’ (The Broken Heart [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 1989], 155). So grace is not a booster engine that kicks in once our fuel supply is exhausted. Rather, it is our constant energy source. It is not the light at the end of the tunnel but the light that moves us through the tunnel. Grace is not achieved somewhere down the road. It is received right here and right now. It is not a finishing touch; it is the Finisher’s touch (see Hebrews 12:2)” (Brad Wilcox, “His Grace Is Sufficient” [Brigham Young University devotional, June 12, 2011], 5, speeches.byu.edu).

What experiences have you had where you have recognized the Savior’s grace operating in your life?

How can you continue to invite and receive the blessings of the Savior’s grace? What have your experiences taught you about relying on God for strength and comfort?

Principle 3: You can practice resilient behaviors in your everyday life.

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Following are eight behaviors that will help you develop resilience if you practice them daily. Practicing them each day helps to make them an automatic response during times when you experience a greater degree of stress. Their daily use also lowers the baseline level of stress, which can help to reduce the impact of challenging situations. Make a plan to begin incorporating these eight behaviors into your lifestyle.

  • Cultivate humility and curiosity. One of the fundamental resilient behaviors is being aware of yourself—your thoughts, feelings, and actions. This self-awareness is also an important part of developing humility. Realize that your negative reactions to your circumstances can sometimes create stressors in your relationships, and the more aware you are of your reactions, the more you will be able to temper them. Be open to and curious about the changes in your life, and look at them as opportunities for growth.

  • Seek balance. You will become more resilient as you continue to learn how to balance the many demands on your time. Regulate your emotions, energy levels, and spiritual and physical needs, and rearrange things when you get out of balance. Set appropriate goals for your productivity, and learn to focus on what you need to accomplish each day rather than worrying about what has happened in the past or what may happen in the future. It may help to occasionally find a spot of nature nearby and take time to meditate. Realize that when your life gets out of balance, problems in your family could become magnified.

  • Have a grateful and optimistic heart. Savor the chance to be grateful each day. It may help to make expressing gratitude part of your daily ritual, such as in a gratitude journal. During difficult situations, it may also help for you to create a list of things that you can control in your circumstances and things you cannot control. Build your faith that Heavenly Father will help you with those things that are out of your control. Understand that your setbacks are temporary and visualize a joyful future. Make the conscious choice to trust in God and His plan for you and your family. Live in thanksgiving daily (see Alma 34:38).

  • Build a personal stress-management plan. Guard against rigid or overly simple ways of dealing with stress. You have many options for dealing with stress, and you will become more resilient as you learn to employ new and different ways to cope. Maintaining a healthy diet and getting exercise can help you relieve stress. You may find that activities such as yoga, swimming, or hiking will help you relax and think more clearly during stressful situations. According to an article by Larry A. Tucker, a professor of exercise science at Brigham Young University, “Regular exercise offers our minds and bodies a welcome release from the pressures of everyday life” (“Move More, Stress Less!” Ensign, Aug. 2004, 58).

  • Learn to compromise. Pick your battles, and learn to be flexible with things and situations. Do not always insist that things go your way. We experience unhealthy stress when we mix up our priorities. Keep your standards, but be willing to adjust your expectations and recognize when you’re fighting for a preference that is less important than keeping peace in your family relationships.

  • Play to your strengths. Recognize that you have been given unique spiritual gifts from Heavenly Father. He expects you to use these gifts to bless your family and others. If you do not know your spiritual gifts, take time to pray, study your patriarchal blessing, and write in your journal. Develop the attitude that you can accomplish hard tasks, and have faith that you can apply your strengths to great benefit during challenging times. Take steps to develop your gifts and strengths further.

  • Seek and give help when needed. Stay close to those who can help you get through hard times. Do not be afraid to call upon friends, extended family members, and Church members (such as your home teachers, visiting teachers, bishop, and Relief Society president) to help you. Be willing to extend empathy and help to others when they are experiencing difficult times. Develop a pattern of giving and receiving.

  • Act instead of being acted upon. Don’t let challenges stop you from living. You may need to move forward slowly, but be willing to take action, make important decisions, and initiate the changes you would like to see in your life.

Reflect on any experiences you have had or any blessings you have received by practicing these resilient behaviors. What examples have you seen of others who respond effectively to their challenges?

Watch the video “Face the Future with Faith.”

What did you learn about hope and optimism from President Russell M. Nelson’s teachings?

Decide to act

What resilient behavior do you feel impressed to strengthen by practicing this week?

What scripture or quote could help strengthen you as you practice?

With whom would you like to share your experience daily as you learn?

End of the week

What did you learn from this experience?

Summary of Key Points from Lesson 1

  1. Resilient behaviors help people to respond well to stressful situations.

  2. Heavenly Father gives us strength and comfort through His grace, which helps us to overcome challenges.

  3. The following key behaviors will help you become more resilient:

    1. Cultivate humility and curiosity.

    2. Seek balance.

    3. Have a grateful and optimistic heart.

    4. Build a personal stress-management plan.

    5. Learn to compromise.

    6. Play to your strengths.

    7. Seek and give help when needed.

    8. Act instead of being acted upon.

Notes