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I Lost My Husband and Still Found Peace
I’ve never seen a dying man who was still happy. Of course, at that time we didn’t know those were going to be his last moments. But maybe he did.
He said, “Smile ako o. Kita mo? Kita mo smile ko?” (I’m smiling, can you see? Can you see my smile?) Then, he flashed a big, toothy smile. Between shallow breaths, he said “Miss you, miss you,” and pouted his lips, asking me to kiss him. And I did. Later, I realized his “miss you” really meant, “I will miss you.” Those were the last words he spoke. He knew we were going to be physically separated for a few decades, and just wanted me to know that he will miss me, but we will definitely see each other again.
The moment I saw his lifeless body in the hospital bed, I felt the Spirit whisper to me, “He was really supposed to live just up to this day.” The pain was there, the tears flowed freely, but miraculously I felt very peaceful and calm, and knew that everything in this world happens the way God intends or allows it.
I hold on to all the truths I have learned since childhood. The reality of the Plan of Salvation. That birth is not the beginning and death is not the end. The reality that a body dies but the spirit lives. That there is always hope because Jesus Christ has made resurrection available to all. I attribute my clear understanding and calm composure at that moment to the prayers of hundreds of people who love me and my little family, and I am grateful to all of you.
President Joseph Fielding Smith taught, “It is reasonable to believe that in the beginning, before the earth was prepared, the Lord would have all things organized from the beginning to the end of time”1. So there. God is all-knowing. Before the physical creation of the earth, there is a spiritual blueprint for everything. Eons and eons of time ago, He has designed our family life to be this way. We’ll have Titus to lead, teach and ready us for the first 10 years, but at 34 years old his probationary period will be over. We are still a family because we have made eternal covenants in the temple, and we both still have the obligation to lead our children back to Heavenly Father. However, I will just have to do the physical rearing and providing from here on out. And because our lives are designed this way, I am confident that God has already prepared all the necessary help we will ever need.
This the greatest miracle I have ever experienced—the ability to readily align my will to Heavenly Father’s. I call this a miracle because I was not really like this before. I will strive to do the same in all my future trials. I guess the greatest affliction can teach us the greatest lessons. And now I have the testimony that because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, because He has overcome sin and death, we can all have peace and even joy in any circumstance.
(The author recently lost her husband, former Antique Philippines District President Titus Literatus, to cardiac arrest. They have two daughters: Tara, 7; and Isla, 3.)