New Testament in Context

Love One Another: The New Testament on Family Life

By Mark D. Ellison

Associate Professor of Ancient Scripture, Brigham Young University

Understanding the New Testament household can help us strengthen the “household of God” today.

Jesus Christ teaching

Hear Ye Him, by Simon Dewey

Family forms an important backdrop to the New Testament. Christian worship developed within a household setting (Greek oikos or oikia, “house” or “household,” referring to both a physical structure and its inhabitants).¹ Christians used familial imagery and terminology to describe themselves—believers were “brothers” and “sisters,” and the Church was the household of God (oikos theou) or God’s family (see 1 Timothy 3:15; 5:1–2).

Many activities of the early Church and teachings of the New Testament centered around the household. Understanding family life in the New Testament can help us strengthen individuals, couples, and families and foster inclusiveness among all the diverse members of the latter-day “household of God.”

The New Testament Household

Ancient Mediterranean households typically consisted of not only parents and children but also extended family such as cousins, elderly relatives, or the parents’ adult siblings and their spouses. Families in Galilean villages included these relatives, who lived and worked together (see Mark 10:29). Wealthy households throughout the Roman world included other dependents such as employees, slaves, freed slaves, and clients.

Christian Modifications to Typical Household Codes

Several New Testament books present instructions to members of early Christian households (see Colossians 3:18–4:1, 1 Peter 2:13–3:12; Ephesians 5:21–6:9; 1 Timothy 2:8–15; 5:1–22; 6:1–10; Titus 2:1–10). These “household codes,” as scholars call them, are similar to passages in Greek and Hellenistic Jewish literature promoting social stability by extolling ordered, well-managed homes in which family members fill their culturally-defined roles in proper relationship to each other.

These New Testament passages teach traditional values of the day that uphold existing social structures, as in the counsel to be subject to rulers, avoid disputes, and be courteous to everyone (see 1 Peter 2:17; 1 Timothy 2:1–2; Titus 3:1–2).

However, the New Testament household codes also offer some important modifications. For example, they emphasize mutual deference to each other and reorient relationships to include God:

• Children were to obey their parents in the Lord (see Ephesians 6:1–3; Colossians 3:20).

• Fathers were not to provoke their children to anger but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord (see Ephesians 6:4; Colossians 3:21).

• Husbands were not to treat a wife harshly but to be considerate of her, honor her, and love her as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for it (see Ephesians 5:25–33; Colossians 3:19; 1 Peter 3:7).

• The instruction in Ephesians 5:22 for wives to submit themselves to their husbands as to the Lord appears only after the preliminary statement in Ephesians 5:21 that all household members—husbands and wives alike—should “be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Ephesians 5:21, New Revised Standard Version).² As Paul counseled, “In humility regard others as better than yourselves” (Philippians 2:3, New Standard Revised Version).

We see another Christian modification in the way the traditionally subordinate members of each pair—wives, children, and slaves³—are addressed first “as persons in their own right endowed with dignity,” showing that they “also have a significant role to play.”⁴

And the counsel to wives in 1 Peter 3:1–6 runs directly counter to the ancient custom that a wife should fear her husband and adopt the worship of his gods. Rather, the believing woman’s faith might win over her unbelieving husband.

Though ancient households were patriarchal and hierarchical according to the customs of that time, these modifications urged Christian households toward greater equality and respect for each individual reminding them to “love one another” (John 13:34) as the Savior did.

Look to Jesus Christ

New Testament instructions to families teach principles that bless any family or individuals striving to be disciples of Jesus Christ in the modern world. The central lesson then and now is to look to Jesus Christ and follow His example of selfless, generous service in all our relationships (see Philippians 2:3–11). As Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles has reminded us, “Love is the defining characteristic of a disciple of Christ.”⁵

Notes

1. This article draws from Mark D. Ellison, “Family, Marriage, and Celibacy in the New Testament,” in New Testament History, Culture, and Society: A Background to the Texts of the New Testament, ed. Lincoln Blumell (2019), 532–54.

2. The verb translated “submit” or “subject” doesn’t appear in verse 22 but is borrowed from verse 21. The sense of the two verses is, “[21] Submit yourselves to each other, [22] wives to your husbands,” and so on through the household, with instructions specifying ways for each member to manifest that mutual submission.

3. Slavery was a common practice in ancient societies and was not based on race or nationality. In the Roman Empire during New Testament times, many households had slaves, including Christian households. Slavery was not always lifelong. In our dispensation, the Lord declared that “it is not right that any man should be in bondage one to another” (Doctrine and Covenants 101:79).

4. Carolyn Osiek, “Family Matters,” in Christian Origins: A People’s History of Christianity, vol. 1, ed. Richard A. Horsley (2005), 216.

5. Dieter F. Uchtdorf, “The Love of God,” Liahona, Nov. 2009, 22; see also John 13:35.