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Being “a Good Receiver” of Service
I was used to being the one who served others. But when a doctor discovered tumors in my chest, I found the value of being served.
During college, I had served as a Relief Society president twice and had held other callings in my various wards that allowed me to frequently help others. I was a psychology major and spent a lot of my time helping those who struggled with varying mental illnesses and disabilities as well.
I was used to serving, not being served.
Then one night I found a marble-sized lump on my chest. I ignored it for a few weeks until one evening when my roommate Rachel, who had also been my mission companion, came home. She was sitting on her bed across from me, and I remembered that her grandmother had passed away from breast cancer.
Since finding the lump, I had been in denial that anything was wrong; no one in my family ever had health issues, let alone cancer. Even if I wanted to have the lump looked at, I had no idea where to even start with hospitals and doctors. But this particular evening, I felt like I should say something to Rachel.
She immediately hugged me and cried with me. She then helped me find a doctor who could look at the lump for me. But she didn’t stop there—she even came with me to my appointment so that I wouldn’t have to be alone. She was honoring her covenants by exemplifying the counsel in Mosiah 18:9 to “mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort.”
Through subsequent doctors’ visits, I found out that the lump I was feeling was one of four tumors in my chest. And it was the smallest one. This was one of the most shocking experiences of my life, and it was especially hard because I was also trying to balance school and Church callings.
God Guides People to Bless Us
Although I found out later that the tumors were benign, I thought a lot about that experience and how much my friend had blessed me. She opened my eyes to the importance of allowing others to serve me.
Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles taught:
“We all know that ‘it is more blessed to give than to receive’ [Acts 20:35], but I wonder if sometimes we disregard or even disparage the importance of being a good receiver. …
“… Sometimes people even get to the point where they can’t receive a gift or, for that matter, even a compliment without embarrassment or feelings of indebtedness. They mistakenly think that the only acceptable way to respond to receiving a gift is by giving back something of even greater value.”1
During my callings in the Church and my studies in psychology, I was able to grow significantly because other people allowed me to serve them. Had any of the people I was asked to serve denied me that opportunity, those experiences would not have allowed me to become more like my Savior by serving in His name.
My experience with tumors helped me see that the reverse is also true: by denying other people from serving me, I was not allowing them to grow in the ways I had when others let me serve them. I was also missing out on sacred opportunities to draw closer to them and to Christ. As Elder Uchtdorf said: “When we are good and grateful receivers, we open a door to deepen our relationship with the giver of the gift. But when we fail to appreciate or even reject a gift, we not only hurt those who extend themselves to us, but in some way we harm ourselves as well.”2
Life Is Not an Individual Endeavor
God didn’t intend for us to walk the covenant path alone, just as He did not intend for me to figure out my tumors on my own. Sometimes we are the ones who give, but God also intended for us to be the recipients of love and service. The Savior Himself set the example for us in this (see, for example, Mark 14:3–9).
I no longer tell people no when they want to make me cookies during a stressful exam or when they offer to buy me lunch if I’ve had a bad day. I no longer tell my ministering sisters and brothers that I don’t need anything from them; I at least allow them to keep me in their prayers if there’s nothing else I need at the time.
I no longer turn people away when they offer to help. And in return, I have learned that by allowing others to help me, I am more willing to allow Jesus Christ to help me. And allowing Him more into my life has brought me so much strength.
As Elder Uchtdorf taught, “Every gift that is offered to us—especially a gift that comes from the heart—is an opportunity to build or strengthen a bond of love.”3 That is true with our loved ones (and even those we don’t know well), and it is true with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.
I have been so blessed for this change in perspective about allowing others to serve me. Instead of rejecting others’ efforts to care for me, I have been able to invite new friendships into my life—including a deeper relationship with my Savior—as I have allowed myself to be a receiver of service and not just a giver.