“After Trauma: Building Resilience and Embracing Healing,” Liahona, Sept. 2023.
After Trauma: Building Resilience and Embracing Healing
Healing comes as we seek the help of the Savior and build emotional self-reliance.
Most people will experience at least one traumatic event in their lives. We have seen this in our lives personally and professionally. What causes trauma? A difficult experience like a car accident, job loss, war, physical abuse, sexual assault, severe bullying, loss of a loved one, and more.
Trauma is painful, and at times it may feel like you can’t find relief. Yet it is important to know that the pain can subside, and you will find peace again as you rely on your Heavenly Father and your Savior, Jesus Christ.
Heavenly Father allows us to experience difficulties. Even if He does not foreordain, create, or endorse these experiences, He can help “all things … work together for [our] good” if we trust in Him (Doctrine and Covenants 90:24; see also 2 Nephi 32:9).
We have found that turning to Heavenly Father and the Savior as a support is vital in the process of healing. Their peace heals emotionally and spiritually. We know that in Their love and compassion, you can find strength to heal. We have also found some techniques that will allow you to build on your personal strengths and move toward healing.
Everyone experiences traumatic events differently. In fact, some might experience an event as traumatic, while others may have only felt uncomfortable. For this reason, remember not to compare your experience to others’ or use your experience as the standard experience.
Responding to Events Differently
Sam and Lucy were traveling together for a trip, and the driver of the vehicle they were in fell asleep and veered off the road. This caused their car to flip several times. Sam was not hurt badly and initially seemed to shake off the event as no big deal. He was there to comfort Lucy, as she had to have her broken arm put into a cast.
Several weeks later, when the opportunity arose for Sam to travel again, he felt a sense of panic just thinking about the long hours on the road.
Sam was experiencing the emotional fallout from a traumatic experience. He was hesitant to talk to anyone about it. But as he talked to Lucy, he learned that she had been in a prior car accident and knew how he felt. They discussed what Lucy learned from her earlier experience as she exercised her faith in Jesus Christ, prayed for direction, and benefited from counseling when she had struggled.
Hope and Healing through Jesus Christ
No matter our trauma, healing can come through the Savior Jesus Christ. Because of the Savior’s infinite Atonement and His compassion and mercy, He can heal all wounds experienced in this mortal existence, whether that healing comes in this life or the next. At times it takes longer than we expect or want for us—even with the Savior’s divine support. But He is able to heal us (see 3 Nephi 17:7).
Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles taught: “God’s light is real. It is available to all! It gives life to all things. It has the power to soften the sting of the deepest wound.”1
No one knows our suffering as extensively as Heavenly Father and the Savior do. The Lord “descended below all things, in that he comprehended all things, that he might be in all and through all things” (Doctrine and Covenants 88:6). Sister Amy A. Wright, First Counselor in the Primary General Presidency, taught:
“We all have something in our lives that is broken that needs to be mended, fixed, or healed. As we turn to the Savior, as we align our hearts and minds with Him, as we repent, He comes to us ‘with healing in his wings’ [2 Nephi 25:13], puts His arms lovingly around us, and says, ‘It’s OK. … We can fix this together!’
“I testify that there is nothing in your life that is broken that is beyond the curative, redeeming, and enabling power of Jesus Christ.”2
Examples of healing and ways to heal are found in the scriptures—and in the lives of our families, friends, and ancestors. In what ways were your forebearers resilient?3
Our Eternal Identity
When Julio was 13, he was sexually abused by his uncle. Over time, he began to withdraw from his family and isolated himself. At times, he functioned as though nothing had happened, but occasionally he was flooded by emotion. He has always been able to manage life—even feeling intense happiness, like at the birth of his son. He also feels broken. His son is now approaching the same age when Julio was abused, and as Julio contemplates his son’s potential experiences, he is wrestling with thoughts and feelings about his own self-worth and eternal identity.
While trauma is part of our mortal experience, it is not our eternal identity. Our eternal identity is that of being a child of God. President Russell M. Nelson taught:
“Who are you?
“First and foremost, you are a child of God.
“Second, as a member of the Church, you are a child of the covenant. And third, you are a disciple of Jesus Christ.”4
Additionally, trauma is never a reflection of our worth or worthiness. Sister Joy D. Jones, former Primary General President, clarified these two concepts when she taught:
“Spiritual worth means to value ourselves the way Heavenly Father values us. …
“… Worthiness is achieved through obedience. If we sin, we are less worthy, but we are never worth less.”5
The abuse Julio endured at the hands of his uncle did not change Julio’s worth and worthiness. He never sinned but was sinned against. At times it can be hard to remember your worth and worthiness when you have been abused. Remember, you did not sin, your worth has never decreased, and you are worthy to continue on the covenant path.
As Julio began to trust in the Lord, He helped Julio realize that mortal experiences don’t change the love our Father in Heaven has for us. He is now learning to see how even though terrible things happened, they did not change his fundamental worth, eternal identity, or worthiness.
Emotional Self-Reliance
Developing emotional self-reliance will help you use healthy personal resources to cope with challenges and difficult emotions. You can develop resilience, the ability to adapt to and manage trials—including trauma.
Resilience involves seeking support and guidance from Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, serving others, and being served by others as needed and appropriate.
The following actions, recommended by professional counselors, will help you develop resilience:
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Building connections with others
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Improving physical wellness
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Finding purpose in life
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Cultivating healthy thoughts
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Seeking help when you need it6
1. Connect with Others
Healthy relationships often promote healing. Connecting with those who strengthen you and encourage you to turn to the Savior and our Heavenly Father may make the difference you need to heal more fully.
Sam reached out to Lucy, sharing his fears and discomfort. This relationship helped him become more aware and resilient. She helped him see ways he could heal emotionally and spiritually.
Consider setting goals to develop a stronger connection with others you trust. Ministering is one way we connect with others in the Church.
2. Take Care of Physical Wellness
Trauma is felt not only emotionally but also physically. We might experience increased tiredness, a racing heart, headaches, or issues with our stomach being in pain or feeling twisted. These physical symptoms are there to inform us that something is wrong and that we need to attend to our health. Just as we can do things to better care for our emotional health, we can also consider ways to take care of ourselves physically after trauma.
First, recognize the physical symptoms you are experiencing. Then try to calm your body by focusing on your breath and slowing your breathing. Try to recognize how you feel when your breathing is fast and choppy compared to when your breathing is slow and measured.
Sometimes trauma may cause an injury that limits us, so do what is right for your body. But movement, particularly physical exercise, is helpful. Some enjoy taking a walk or a run, while others may find it more helpful to work hard on a project.
Remember the Word of Wisdom (see Doctrine and Covenants 89). Trying to cover pain with unhelpful behaviors or substances is like simply “putting a bandage on a deep wound.”7 Help your body manage stress and pain rather than cover it.
3. Find Purpose and Meaning
Our main purpose in life is to prepare to return to live with our Heavenly Father (see Alma 12:24). Trauma can cloud this purpose and prevent us from seeing who we are. Finding a specific purpose in our daily actions can help us move forward and even remember our main purpose in life. Julio began to move forward and find purpose in his daily actions when he realized he wanted to help his son.
Finding meaning in the trauma can help us see a path forward, recognizing that our experiences provide opportunities for us to grow and become more like Christ. For example, it is easier to be compassionate toward another’s distress when we have gone through difficult experiences ourselves.
Research has found that after trauma, people often experience what has been labeled “post-traumatic growth.” Post-traumatic growth is demonstrated by a person finding increased strength after a traumatic experience, like improved relationships, greater appreciation for life or certain qualities of life, or an increased awareness of possibilities of life. After experiencing a traumatic event, recognize the ways you have grown or can grow because of the experience rather than focusing on the traumatic event itself.
4. Cultivate Healthy Thoughts
A traumatic experience can impact the way we think about ourselves and the world around us. After experiencing trauma, we might have negative thoughts. Thoughts such as “I am weak,” “Heavenly Father doesn’t love me,” and “I am unworthy” decrease our ability to be resilient. These thoughts will often influence how we feel (see Proverbs 23:7; Doctrine and Covenants 6:36).
After you identify your negative thoughts, consider some healthy, realistic replacement thoughts and write them down. Remind yourself of these healthy thoughts when you recognize negative thoughts in your mind.
To learn more about how to do this, review chapter 2 of Finding Strength in the Lord: Emotional Resilience (2021).
You may also turn to prayer, journaling, meditating on the scriptures or a general conference talk (see Joshua 1:8), or other pondering practices.
5. Reach Out for Support
At times, it is appropriate to consider help beyond your own resources. Lucy sought help, which allowed her to help Sam. Consider the people—such as family members, friends, and ward leaders—who might be helpful. Healing from trauma is one of the times when you may need to use all of the potential resources in your life.
The General Handbook provides guidance on when it can be appropriate to seek support from professional counselors.8
It is difficult not to focus on the traumatic event, but as we follow the prophet’s counsel to rivet our focus on the Savior and His gospel, “our doubts and fears flee.”9 Remember, you are a son or daughter of a loving Heavenly Father. As you focus on drawing closer to Him and use the helpful resources that are available to you, the Lord can help any traumatic experience be for your good.