“Becoming Better after Experiencing the Bitter,” Liahona, February 2022
Becoming Better after Experiencing the Bitter
Part of this painful and proving process we call life is to see if we will indeed press forward.
Illustrations by David Green
The Fall of Adam and Eve initiated a probationary state wherein God’s children would have the opportunity to be tested “to see if they will do all things whatsoever the Lord their God shall command them” (Abraham 3:25). Amid this testing we experience happiness and joy but also trials and afflictions, such as temptations, sickness, disability, and discouragement.
Why do some falter in the face of misfortune, while others become better after experiencing the bitter? The words of prophets, as well as the science of resilience, help provide answers to this question.
Some define resilience as the ability to recover from or adjust to misfortune, adversity, or change.1 The Fall of Adam brought about changes that helped provide opportunities for resilience—to move both forward and upward. This part of Heavenly Father’s plan opened the door for us to experience mortality, where we experience both joy and misery—and growth (see 2 Nephi 2:23).
Here are four principles of resilience to help when your mortal journey is filled with adversity.
Search Inward
When we experience dark and difficult days, we can search inward to find the gifts with which Heavenly Father has equipped us.
Ask yourself, “What gifts, strengths, and talents has God blessed me with that I can draw on during this trying time?” Study your patriarchal blessing and watch for clues in your life experiences that can reveal gifts God has given you. (See Doctrine and Covenants 46:11.)
The pressures and challenges in our day can feel extraordinary and suffocating. Unless balanced with faith, stress and worry can narrow our perspective to focus on ourselves—a focus that is self-absorbed, fearful, and despairing, leaving us feeling even more overwhelmed, anxious, and depressed.
We may also be tempted to compare our circumstances with those of others who appear to be trouble-free. But this kind of comparison robs us of joy, while gratitude enhances it.
We can improve our perspective through an awareness of the gifts Heavenly Father has given us. As President Russell M. Nelson has counseled, “Counting our blessings is far better than recounting our problems.”2 A positive and grateful mind boosts our energy and creativity, and we can see things from a more helpful vantage point, including a greater focus on things that really matter and things within our control.
During stressful times, you might ask yourself:
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Are there ways I can take better care of my body and mind with diet, exercise, and sleep? (See Doctrine and Covenants 88:124.)
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Do I turn to Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ for strength and guidance, recognizing how They have blessed me along the way?
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Do I trust that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ will bless and teach me as I follow Them—no matter my challenge?
We must recognize and remember the good in our lives. Countless studies have shown the power of gratitude for our hearts and minds, from improving mood and optimism to reducing anxiety and aches and pains. Gratitude allows celebration of the present, blocks toxic emotions, and strengthens social connections.3
In times of turmoil, when we keep focused on deepening our faith and trust in God, we can see the bigger picture in life and feel supported in our trials, troubles, and afflictions (see Alma 36:3).
Turn Outward
A second principle of resilience is turning outward—both to the people around you and to the resources God has given.
Many who have successfully managed challenges in their lives say that one key was finding strength from surrounding opportunities and resources. That can include hobbies; writing in a journal; exercising; reading scriptures and other uplifting books; talking with a family member, friend, or counselor; or even spending time with a pet. All of these have been shown to reduce anxiety and stress.4
Both Nephi and the brother of Jared relied on the resources that were “prepared of the Lord” (1 Nephi 17:5). From fruit, seeds, trees, and wild honey to ore and 16 stones, God provided resources for His people to use when they experienced challenges in their journeys. What resources has God provided for you to lighten the load in your journey?
Turning outward also refers to noticing and responding to others’ suffering even while we are experiencing challenges. President Henry B. Eyring, Second Counselor in the First Presidency, invited us to “notice the tribulation of others and try to help. That will be especially hard when we are being sorely tested ourselves. But we will discover as we lift another’s burden, even a little, that our backs are strengthened, and we sense a light in the darkness.”5
Elder David A. Bednar of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles has emphasized the importance of building Christlike character by turning outward in the midst of our own trials: “Character is revealed … in the power to discern the suffering of other people when we ourselves are suffering; in the ability to detect the hunger of others when we are hungry; and in the power to reach out and extend compassion for the spiritual agony of others when we are in the midst of our own spiritual distress. Therefore, character is demonstrated by looking, turning, and reaching outward when the instinctive response of the natural man in each of us is to turn inward and to be selfish and self-absorbed.”6
Look Upward
As we search inward and turn outward on our road to resilience, we must never forget to look upward and plead for peace and divine direction. Heavenly Father has promised that if we will not harden our hearts against Him during our trials, we will be both converted and healed (see Doctrine and Covenants 112:13).
While in the depths of despair, surviving on filthy food and lying on the cold floors in Liberty Jail, the Prophet Joseph Smith chose to look upward and pleaded for heavenly help.
He received assurance from the Lord: “My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment” (Doctrine and Covenants 121:7). Then the Lord promised him, “If thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes” (Doctrine and Covenants 121:8).
Looking upward includes trusting in the Lord’s timing with patience and perspective in our search for peace in the storms of life. Can you see ways God is blessing you in your challenges?
Press Forward
In the Book of Mormon, Nephi reminds us that we must “press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men” (2 Nephi 31:20).
When we feel burdened, when we have discouraging days, when our hope is not perfectly bright, and when we are lacking in love of all men, we can still choose to press forward. Aren’t those the stories we love to read—of the faithful Saints who have learned and lived the principles of resilience? These demonstrations of faith and courage show us how we can press forward with a steadfastness in Christ.
Yes, there will be times when we feel prayers are not answered in ways that we hoped. There will still be divorce, death, disease, and disappointment, despite our pleadings and yearnings for better days. Part of this painful and proving process is “to see if [we] will do all things whatsoever the Lord [our] God shall command [us]” (Abraham 3:25). When the world is dark, will we still seek the Light?
Speaking about trials and difficulties, Elder Jeffrey R. Holland of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles asked, “How long do we wait for relief from hardships that come upon us? What about enduring personal trials while we wait and wait, and help seems so slow in coming? Why the delay when burdens seem more than we can bear?” Then he reassured us, “Faith means trusting God in good times and bad, even if that includes some suffering until we see His arm revealed in our behalf.”7
Our loving and all-knowing Father not only created a plan of happiness for all of His children but also paved an earthly experience tailored to our needs and potential for growth and joy. I testify we can become better after experiencing the bitter, as we learn to search inward, turn outward, look upward, and press forward.