The Sunlight in My Storms
After my grandmother died, I thought about ending my own life. But relying on Heavenly Father’s plan of happiness helped me keep going.
Photographs by Niel Kabiling
Hi! I’m Honey Grace. I am 17 years old. I live in Iloilo, in the Philippines!
Losing My Grandmother
Recently, I went through something really hard. My father and mother are separated, and my mother works abroad. I grew up with my grandmother—she’s the one who introduced me to the gospel and the Church. But this year, she passed away unexpectedly.
She was the last person I ever thought would die. Sometimes I thought I would die before her because she was so healthy! She never showed weakness and was always strong in front of me. I never imagined my life without her.
Understanding the Plan
After she passed away, I sometimes wished I could die too. I had thoughts about ending my own life. But soon I went to a stake youth activity where we had a lesson about the plan of salvation.
I knew about the plan of salvation, but maybe my understanding of it was a bit clouded because of what happened to my grandmother. As I listened, I thought, “I’ve forgotten the blessings of the sacrifice of Jesus Christ for me.”
I realized that Jesus Christ died to save me. I shouldn’t end my life because of troubles I am having. The plan of happiness gives me hope that I can see my grandmother again someday, because life doesn’t end when we die. I need to keep following the Savior so I can see her again.
Finding Strength in the Temple
After my grandmother died, my cousin moved in with me and became my guardian. My cousins are my best friends, but the change was still really hard. I had to learn to do all the chores that my grandmother used to do. I had to wake myself up for school and take care of the house.
My bishop had always talked about self-reliance, so I searched about it in Gospel Library. It helped me learn to stand on my own two feet.
I’m also still in contact with my father. One day, we had an argument. I was really struggling with it, but suddenly there was a chance to go on a youth temple trip. While I was in the temple, I felt peace. I did not think about the problems at home. I did not think about the anger I had for my father. I thought of things that I could do to help him. I thought about being a good example. I thought about eternal things, about getting sealed with my parents in the temple someday. I decided to say sorry to my father for fighting with him.
Savior with Children, by Michael Malm
Relying on My Savior
I’ve learned to always focus on Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father. I get my strength from Them, and I remember that They have my back.
Understanding the plan of salvation, especially the Savior’s Atonement, helped me overcome my thoughts of suicide. It helps me feel peace in living. It gives me hope that I can meet my grandmother on the other side of the veil again someday.
Jesus Christ is the hope to continue my life even though I have a lot of challenges. His love for me is never-ending. He’s the sunlight in my life. When it’s stormy or raining, He is there. He is my Savior. He is my home. He is my life. He keeps me going. He’s one of the reasons I love living.
The author lives in Iloilo, Philippines.