“Keys to Building Christlike Connections in Relationships,” Liahona, Oct. 2025.
From YA Weekly
Keys to Building Christlike Connections in Relationships
When we build our relationships on Jesus Christ, we can experience greater unity and joy.
One thing I love about young adults is that they are willing to ask tough questions.
My young friends commonly ask, “How can I build genuine, Christlike relationships?” Finding and building true, deep connections with others can be a challenge for many today.
Craving human connection is a natural part of mortal life. Heavenly Father designed His plan to forge eternal connections between husbands and wives, parents and children, and members of extended families (see Malachi 4:6; 1 Corinthians 11:11).
The adversary is the great separator. As I have performed many sealings for young adults and have also, sadly, seen marriages between young sealed couples dissolve, I have witnessed the heartache the adversary’s tactics can cause.
Ugly truths such as abuse, infidelity, or abandonment may cause the destruction of marriages, but too many times, it is a lack of spiritual and emotional intimacy that ends a relationship or prevents one from forming.
Some young people feel isolated and lonely due to a lack of genuine connection with other young adults in their area. They may feel like they can’t confide in anyone about their struggles and instead resign themselves to loneliness. Deep connections with the Savior and with each other can help us find the support we need to heal from our deepest struggles and have fulfilling relationships with those around us.
Emotional and spiritual intimacy are crucial prerequisites to many relationships, from true friendships to lasting marriages. Too often this development is skipped or avoided because of distractions, discouragement, or fear. However, when we practice principles of true connection and build our relationships on Jesus Christ, we can set ourselves up for greater success, unity, and joy.
Don’t Rely on Counterfeit Connection
Intimacy occurs when people feel loved, understood, and connected to each other on a deep, authentic level. In a world with so many technological advancements, it may seem that we are more connected than ever. Under the surface, however, increased time spent on screens may be interfering with our connection to others.
Many young adults struggle with pornography use, which, when left unchecked, can create barriers to developing true intimacy with others. Artificial intelligence is also becoming a tool not just for information but also for fabricated connections. Some young adults falsify their feelings of belonging by devoting their time to comparing themselves to social media influencers or keeping up with the world’s beauty and lifestyle trends. Some invest excessive time in books, video games, or television, imagining connections with fake people with unrealistic relationships. Others merely seclude themselves and substitute worldly comforts for true intimacy, avoiding interactions with real people as much as possible.
Elder David A. Bednar of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles cautioned young adults about the dangers of living in a digital world, saying, “Counterfeit emotional intimacy may displace real-life emotional intimacy—the very thing which binds two people together.”
Unfortunately, the adversary makes isolation look much more enticing than connection—it’s easier to stick to old habits than to take steps to change and build relationships. He knows that compassionate, authentic relationships among friends, family, leaders, and spouses can help us feel more connected to each other and to the pure love of Jesus Christ.
Elder David L. Buckner of the Seventy testified: “Brothers and sisters, we must stop looking for reasons to divide and instead seek opportunities to ‘be one’ [Doctrine and Covenants 38:27]. [The Savior] has blessed us with unique gifts and attributes that invite learning from one another and personal growth. … To divide and conquer is the adversary’s plan to destroy friendships, families, and faith. It is the Savior who unites.”
“Consider Your Ways”
What we choose to give our time, energy, or focus to will determine the reward we will reap.
In the Old Testament, the prophet Haggai teaches, “Ye have sown much, and bring in little; ye eat, but ye have not enough; ye drink, but ye are not filled with drink; ye clothe you, but there is none warm; and he that earneth wages earneth wages to put it into a bag with holes” (Haggai 1:6).
When we put so much time into anything that creates a counterfeit connection, it is like earning wages that are put into a bag with holes. You don’t get any benefit in return. No fruit will come of it. We are trying to build intimacy with something or someone that doesn’t exist, which creates barriers to building real connection and intimacy with others.
A potential remedy is given from the Lord, not just once, but twice: “Consider your ways” (Haggai 1:5, 7).
Start with small goals. Get off the computer, the gaming system, the phone, and spend time every day in the Word! John taught, “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God” (John 1:1). Envelop yourself in Jesus Christ. He is the Word!
Additionally, after the Lord gave counsel to “consider your ways,” He invited His people to build a house of the Lord: “Go up to the mountain, and bring wood, and build the house; and I will take pleasure in it, and I will be glorified, saith the Lord” (Haggai 1:8).
If you need motivation to connect with God and with others, ask Heavenly Father for help. As you grow in intimacy and connection with God, your capacity for experiencing charity in your own life and in your relationships will deepen.
Step Back from Pride and into Humility
Developing emotional and spiritual intimacy in a relationship requires honest discussions about one potentially difficult topic: ourselves.
Sharing our struggles, weaknesses, desires, interests, and feelings takes vulnerability and courage. But there is one main barrier that keeps us from talking deeply about these kinds of issues:
Pride.
It’s the feeling that we can’t let our true selves show because of what someone might think. Will we be loved, or will we be rejected? Comparison to others can steal away our joy.
Vulnerability, meekness, and candor lead to increased trust, closeness, and intimacy in relationships. Sharing sensitive emotions can feel like a risk, but we are protecting our pride when we don’t share feelings in our relationships.
We need humility.
How can we invite deeper humility into our lives?
Stand in holy places. Be with holy people. Engage in holy habits.
Some of the best, most connecting conversations I’ve ever had with my wife, Amy, have been in the celestial room of the temple. I’m more willing to be emotionally intimate when I’m in places where the Spirit can reside.
President Russell M. Nelson gave this promise: “Every sincere seeker of Jesus Christ will find Him in the temple. You will feel His mercy. You will find answers to your most vexing questions. You will better comprehend the joy of His gospel.”
If we prioritize being where the Spirit has touched our hearts, such as the temple, institute, or sacrament meeting, we will begin to desire humility; we will begin to desire a closeness with God and want to have deeper, connecting conversations.
I promise He will strengthen you as you are honest with those you are seriously dating about past struggles or difficult habits, pornography use or poor financial management, trauma or abuse. He will lead you to supportive friends and mentors towhom you can confide your questions about the gospel, mental health struggles, or feelings of loneliness.
As Elder Joseph W. Sitati, emeritus General Authority Seventy, taught, “With an attitude of humility it is indeed possible to know and to love God the Father with all our being and to love others as we love ourselves, holding back nothing.”
Seek Balance and Wholeness
Something I often see in young single adults is a fear that they’re not going to get married. As a result, their other spiritual, intellectual, physical, and social goals take a back seat, and many rush into relationships and marriages without taking the time to truly know someone and develop spiritual and emotional intimacy with them.
Have you ever found yourself dating out of fear? I understand how scary the unknown future can be. To those who feel afraid, James counseled:
“Count it all joy when ye fall into many afflictions;
“Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience.
“But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing” (Joseph Smith Translation, James 1:2 [in James 1:2, footnote a]; James 1:3–4).
The Greek rendering of perfect is “whole” or “complete.” Think of how that changes the scripture: Let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be whole and complete.
We can let go of what is out of our control and let patience have her perfect work.
Getting married in the temple and having a family are worthwhile goals, but you should also have goals and plans independent of a romantic relationship. A relationship will become more holy when you’re pursuing other life goals, especially if they include fostering deeper connections and a capacity for emotional intimacy with friends and family, Heavenly Father, and Jesus Christ.
Put God First
Jesus teaches in the scriptures, “But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you” (Matthew 6:33).
Sometimes we underestimate this promise.
We need to seek God first. If we seek Him, we’ll be drawn to others who are also seeking Him. This is essential to developing strong, lasting friendships and marriages.
Spiritual things should be at the top of our minds, the name of the Savior close to our lips.
President M. Russell Ballard (1928–2023) testified: “I have learned what matters most is our relationships with Heavenly Father and His Beloved Son, our families, and our neighbors, and allowing the Spirit of the Lord to guide us in those relationships so we can testify of the things that matter most and last longest.”
We need each other. And through our connections, we can help each other turn to Jesus Christ.
Our connection with Jesus Christ is the key to changing our habits, our attitudes, and our willingness to connect deeply with those around us. As we prioritize our relationship with Him, we can fully show up as our authentic selves and build true intimacy and meaningful relationships that enrich our lives with enduring joy and love.