From YA Weekly
I Was Looking for Connection in the Wrong Places, but I Had the Answer All Along
I had the answer to my loneliness problem, but I couldn’t see it.
When I was growing up in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I was lonely.
Being one of the only members in my whole high school made me feel cut off from everyone else. Not many people had even heard about the Church before, so I felt like I didn’t have many opportunities to talk about it. Sometimes I didn’t want to because I was afraid of being rejected and feeling even more isolated.
I started feeling resentful toward the gospel when many of my friends seemed like they were so much happier than I was.
They looked like they were having so much fun partying, and I felt left out. I was always saying no to their invites and felt like I was rejecting their friendship and happiness.
So one day I didn’t turn down their invitations.
Looking beyond the Mark
I hung out with these friends more and more. I felt like I was finally part of a community and eventually stopped going to church.
However, after a while, I felt burned-out and more alone than ever. I could feel myself growing addicted to nicotine and losing control over my life.
I didn’t understand what my problem was. I finally had the friends and connection I had wanted, so why couldn’t I just be happy like they were?
Around this time, one of my friends lost a loved one. When I was talking to them and trying to help, I started blurting out everything I knew about the plan of salvation, explaining that they would be able to see their loved one again one day.
… What?
I couldn’t believe what I was saying! I hadn’t thought about the gospel for years.
But I felt hope as I explained this truth I had learned, and I realized that my faith wasn’t completely gone.
I pondered the pieces of my faith that I still had. I thought about how the Church had always offered me a place of community with like-minded people—all striving to follow Jesus Christ, serve others, and experience the joy and promises of the gospel.
Elder Dale G. Renlund of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles has taught, “We … can be prone to look beyond the mark. We need to guard against this tendency lest we miss Jesus Christ in our lives and fail to recognize the many blessings He offers us. We need Him.”
I realized I had been looking for happiness in all the wrong places.
You Are Not Alone
After this experience, I started meeting with the missionaries to help me get to know Jesus Christ again. They helped me become more engaged with the gospel. I started praying more and focusing on rediscovering my divine identity. I even gave up nicotine. I knew God was with me as I was striving to change my life.
Over time, I recognized the connection I had with other disciples of Christ in my ward. I also started talking to my friends about my faith and answering their questions, and that made me happy.
Much of my past loneliness stemmed from my lack of confidence. But as I changed my focus from trying to fit in to being myself—a son of God—and sharing my faith, I found joy and belonging in fully living the gospel.
Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles promised:
“God has something more to give. A higher and more profound joy—a joy that transcends anything this world offers. It is a joy that endures heartbreak, penetrates sorrow, and diminishes loneliness.
“Worldly happiness, by contrast, does not last. It cannot. It is the nature of all earthly things to grow old, decay, wear out, or become stale. But godly joy is eternal, because God is eternal.”
I no longer feel isolated as a member of the Church. Focusing on Jesus Christ has removed the weight off my shoulders and allowed me to breathe again! When I am following Him, I realize that I truly am not alone. Because of the blessing of covenants, the gift of the Holy Ghost, and all Christ’s promises, I know He’s with me.
The enduring joy this truth brings into my life is greater than anything fleeting I sought without Him.