Digital Only
Finding Hope as a Single Expectant Mother
The author lives in Utah, USA.
When I realized I was going to become a single mother, I knew I needed the Lord more than ever.
I stopped attending my singles ward when my pregnancy became obvious. I still wanted to attend, but I was worried about being judged. I already felt older and out of place in my ward, and this seemed like it would just make things worse.
And I didn’t feel this way just in my ward. In most areas of my life, I felt so alone. I was afraid for myself and my child. I felt like my ultimate goal, the temple, was out of reach.
Finding Strength and Support
When I found out I was pregnant after a short and unhappy relationship, I assessed my options and decided that placing my son for adoption would be best for him. I found a wonderful couple looking to adopt. Although I was working through a lot of spiritual and emotional difficulties, I felt peaceful about my son’s future.
My peace and my plan both fell to pieces when I found out that my baby’s father wouldn’t agree to the adoption, even though I felt, out of love, that it would actually be best for our baby. After I found out I couldn’t provide a great home for my son through adoption, I was blessed to realize that I could provide a great home for him. Trusting in the Savior’s power and the blessings of His atoning sacrifice helped me feel at peace with that realization.
It was in the aftermath of finding out that adoption wasn’t an option that I knew I needed to turn to Heavenly Father and the Savior. Although I’d never completely edged Them out of my life, I’d become distanced from Them after my mistakes. But I knew I needed Them in my life, especially if I was going to be a single mother. For the sake of my son, I clung to the gospel and the hope that it offered me.
And I learned that “the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us” (Romans 8:18). When I drew closer to Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, through sincere repentance, I discovered the strength to be a single mom. When I was willing to repent and live life the way They directed, I found blessings greater than I ever could have imagined.
Those blessings included receiving love and support from those around me, such as my therapist and adoption representative, Steve; my bishop and his wife, who always welcomed me with open arms, even when I stopped attending church for a few months; ward members who brought baby gifts; my boss, Trevor, who encouraged me in my parenting efforts; and countless others who helped me in large and small ways. Miraculously, even the couple who was going to adopt my son ended up being a huge strength and support to me.
Finding Strength in Jesus Christ
I came to realize that the Savior’s infinite Atonement is more powerful than our greatest mistakes, and if we humble ourselves before Him, He can “make weak things become strong” (Ether 12:27). Because of Jesus Christ, we can repent of our sins, and He can help us to learn, grow, and change.
I made a mistake that led to my pregnancy. But my loving Savior saw that not as an excuse to condemn me but to warmly invite me to draw closer to Him through the gift of repentance. With His help, I am now preparing to return to the temple. As Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles expressed: “Jesus Christ, the Son of God, died so that our mistakes might not condemn us and forever halt our progress. Because of Him, we can repent, and our mistakes can become stepping-stones to greater glory.”1
These “stepping-stone” moments often come when I meet women who are in situations similar to mine and I get to testify that the temple is never out of reach and the power of the Savior’s Atonement is always available. And when I testify to others, I’m able to see progress in myself. While I used to skip church out of embarrassment, I now never want to miss a week because taking the sacrament has become so sacred to me.
Both choices—placing your child for adoption or parenting your child—are brave and selfless when your focus is on the love you have for your child and placing his or her needs for a loving and stable environment above all other concerns. I believe the most important choice was the choice to “come unto Christ, and be perfected in him” (Moroni 10:32). Because when we love God and do as He asks, all things will work together for our good, no matter how impossible our circumstances may seem (see Romans 8:28; Doctrine and Covenants 90:24).