Is There Really a God?
On 15 May 2020, I asked myself if there really was a God.
In 1968 I had joined the Church on Long Island, New York, where I worked as a nanny for a Jewish family, who kindly allowed the missionaries in their home to teach me about the gospel of Jesus Christ. The Holy Ghost witnessed to me in the first discussion that what I was learning was true; three weeks later I was baptised.
I met some wonderful people during my time in America and planned to stay. However, I went back to England for Christmas in December 1972 and then decided to stay in my hometown of Portsmouth. It was there that I met my husband, John, at church, and we married in 1975. We have five wonderful children, Rebecca, Ben, John, Paul, and Luke. Luke arrived in 1983, a month after we had moved to Solihull in the West Midlands.
Luke has Down syndrome and was born with a heart defect that needed open-heart surgery when he was 15 months old. We now know that the operation was made possible by the work that President Russell M. Nelson and others did in inventing a machine that made open-heart surgery possible. How grateful we are for that. Luke survived and was miraculously discharged five days after the operation rather than the two weeks that had been expected. He grew up being much loved by his family and Church family. He doesn’t speak, has a hearing challenge and severe learning disabilities, but these didn’t hold him back. He was baptised at the age of 12 and received the Aaronic Priesthood at the age of 15. He now holds the office of a priest. We moved to Malvern in 2013 and he loved fulfilling his priesthood duties in the Worcester Ward.
On 13 May 2020 our lives changed dramatically. Luke was taken into hospital having suffered a stroke. In the accident and emergency room I was asked for my permission to give Luke a clot-busting drug. I consulted with John who had been waiting outside; I had been allowed in because Luke was unable to speak and understand what the doctors were saying to him. We gave permission for the drug to be given to him. Despite COVID-19 restrictions, thankfully we were allowed to be with him throughout his stay in hospital because of his special needs.
On the evening of 14 May, a doctor approached me and said they needed to operate urgently on Luke and remove part of his skull as his brain had swollen, probably due to the drug he was given. We had been told there could be side effects but without it he probably would not have lived for long. John and I sat in a very small room for about four hours during that night until a doctor came and told us that the operation had gone well.
On 15 May, having been moved to a different ward, he started having seizures and went back into critical care where we were not allowed to be with him, because of COVID-19 protocols. That is when I asked the question, “Is there really a God?” How could this happen to this special child of God who had come to earth to teach his parents and others what the gospel was about. The thought only lasted a few seconds. I had had so many spiritual experiences during my life that I couldn’t deny that God existed, but the question of why this was happening to such an innocent soul plagued me.
However, over time we have learned that we have been taught many lessons through this experience that have drawn us closer to God and closer as a family. My only wish is that we could have learned this in a way that did not affect Luke, as it has been a real challenge for him at times trying to understand the additional limitations he now has. Our children have been wonderful, and the experience has brought us all closer to each other. Church members and special friends have been great, helping us in many ways with their generosity. One thing is sure, we have come to know our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ even more, and the Holy Ghost has been our companion bringing comfort and guidance to our souls.
At the time of writing, Luke needs to be in a wheelchair; having lost the use of his right hand and arm, plus weakness in his leg. There are several things he cannot do any more, but his fighting spirit pushes him do as much as he can for himself. Do I wish it hadn’t happened? Of course. Was there any other way that I could have learned the lessons I am learning now? I don’t know, but I do know that when Luke, John and I pass through the veil, all things will be made clear. I will bow down with tears in my eyes and thank the Lord for sending this special child to live with us, so that we could learn from him how to be more Christlike in our lives.