A few weeks ago, I had a terrifying nightmare. In my dream, I was in the ocean near the coast when I noticed the water making a bizarre ripple, unlike normal waves. Trying to find where the rippling was coming from, I looked toward the shoreline.
The rippling was the ocean being dragged into one massive, grey wall—hundreds of feet of powerful wave about to come crashing down not toward the coast but toward me.
I woke up in a panic before the wave came down on me, but even in the safety of my bedroom nowhere near the ocean, I couldn’t shake the feeling of worry.
A week after this dream, my husband found out that despite his fantastic qualifications, he probably wouldn’t get into medical school this year. The application process for medical school is exhausting, long, and expensive, and the thought of us going through it all again depressed me. On top of that, our family plan wasn’t working out, I was finishing my dream internship and would have to start looking for another job, and I was struggling with some negative feelings for others that I desperately wanted to get rid of.
It suddenly felt like the wave from my dream had made its way into real life—and it was crashing down on me. I felt like I was failing all-around at being a decent human and especially a follower of Jesus Christ. I was tired and upset. I was terrified of the uncertain future, frustrated at myself for my weaknesses, and exhausted and overwhelmed by what now lay ahead. I couldn’t help but think of Peter walking on the water to Christ: “When he saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink, he cried, saying, Lord, save me” (Matthew 14:30).
So by the time general conference came around, I was more than ready for some peace and guidance. I was most definitely crying, “Lord, save me.”
But beyond the advice given to all members, I didn’t receive any immediate personal answers on what to do. I didn’t receive any practical solutions to my problems or a helpful list of self-help tips from the Spirit or the speakers.
I did, however, feel a flood of God’s love and reassurance. And that love transformed my attitude. Sister Sharon Eubank, First Counselor in the Relief Society General Presidency, said, “I testify you are beloved. The Lord knows how hard you are trying. You are making progress. Keep going. … Your work is not in vain. You are not alone” (“Christ: The Light That Shines in Darkness,” Apr. 2019 general conference).
Suddenly, instead of feeling crippled by my weaknesses, my exhaustion, and my ever-growing list of to-do’s, I knew that I could succeed: I had the backing of eternal, perfect beings. I felt Christ’s ability to sustain me fill me up, giving me the will and energy to succeed. I no longer felt like I was being crushed by a terrifying wave; I heard the loving words that Christ spoke to Peter, “Wherefore didst thou doubt?” as He “stretched forth his hand, and caught him” (Matthew 14:31).
I’m sure that over the next couple of weeks and months, I’ll have to remind myself of the empowering love I felt during general conference. I’m sure things won’t all work out the way I hope. I’ll still fail sometimes. I’ll still be frustrated and tired and confused about what to do. But I learned that God’s love is transformative and that He is there to help me when I cry, “Lord, save me.” I know I can rely on His love to help me continue to improve.