Making a Difference in the World
Twelve Principles of Self-Reliance
Principle 5: Take responsibility
Life isn’t always fair. Some people are born into privilege, perhaps even lives of luxury. Others struggle to find success. George Bernard Shaw said, “Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.” One thing we all have is agency: the ability to choose, no matter our circumstances.
When a relationship fails or we lose a job or we do poorly on an exam, it can be easy to blame our partner, our boss, our teacher—anyone except ourselves. But the first step in creating change in our lives is to recognize our thoughts, our habits, and our behaviors. When we identify our limitations and our weaknesses, we can grow beyond them to become the best version of ourselves.
We limit ourselves when we choose to believe that “we are who we are.” By changing our beliefs, we change who we are. Changing who we are can be difficult. It begins with changing the way that we think about ourselves. Start by taking inventory of all your positive attributes. List every one. This sounds simple, but we don’t do this often enough. Then focus on how you gained each attribute. Maybe it’s something that you learned from a parent, a friend, a teacher, or a coworker. Or maybe it’s simply the way you are—a talent or trait given to you by God. Think about how this attribute has been helpful to you. Be grateful to the people who have helped you up to this point in your life, and to God. Do this at least once a week, and you’ll be surprised at how your thoughts become more positive and more loving.
By changing our beliefs, we change who we are.
The next step is to practice putting your positive thoughts into action. It’s best to start out in low-stress situations. For example, if you learn that others think of you as a know-it-all, practice starting your sentences with something like “I might be wrong about this, but here’s what I think.” Or you could practice asking questions so that you might learn from someone else’s point of view. For example, let’s say that you go with a friend to a movie. After the movie is over, you might ask your friend what he or she thought about the movie. Listen to your friend’s point of view, and then rephrase it or repeat it: “So you think the main character was less than heroic?” This allows your friend to feel like you are listening, and it gives them an opportunity to continue the conversation. As you practice these skills in everyday conversations, you will develop the skills you will need in critical situations.
Commit to practicing these kinds of changes in your behavior. Being committed means that you choose to make time to get better at what makes you a better person. Schedule a reminder on your phone or tablet. Or you could teach a principle to your partner or a family member.
Being committed means that you choose to make time to get better at what makes you a better person.
God wants us to find joy by doing good. He wants us to be more intelligent, more humble, more giving, more compassionate, more understanding. More like His Son.
A few final things to think about:
- We are responsible for our choices.
- When we are honest with ourselves and others, we learn to overcome our mistakes.
- Knowing what to change is only half the battle. The other half is putting our thoughts into action.