After Experiencing Trauma, How Could I Learn to See Sexuality as a Gift from God?
I felt like seeing the good in sexuality was impossible after I was harmed by sexual abuse and pornography.
The author lives in Nevada, USA.
I once believed sexuality was a divine gift to all of God’s children—except myself.
I was exposed to pornography when I was little and was a victim of sexual abuse. As I grew older, I struggled with the trauma I’d experienced as a child. I turned to harmful behaviors to cope with my feelings.
My journey of healing hasn’t been easy, nor is it over, but I’m further along the road to recovery. In moments of peace, I feel like God has replaced my confusion and hurt with peace and rest. It has taken the patience of many Christlike people, divine resources, and Christ’s Atonement to find healing.
Here are some things I’ve learned that have helped me and may help you understand the Lord’s purposes for sexuality.
Pray About Your Struggles
For a long time, I didn’t think God cared about my struggles with sexuality. But this quote from President Russell M. Nelson helped me realize that God is aware of all our challenges: “I assure you that our Heavenly Father and His Beloved Son, Jesus Christ, love you. They are intimately aware of your circumstances, your goodness, your needs, and your prayers for help.”
God is aware of the impact of all problems in our lives, no matter how complex. He wants to hear our concerns and questions, no matter the subject. Some may believe it’s inappropriate to talk to God about issues surrounding sexuality, but He wants us to talk to Him about everything.
As I sought help from Heavenly Father, my trials allowed me to better understand our Savior’s Atonement and His healing power. I know He comprehends my struggles, which makes it easier to turn to Him.
Counsel with Trusted Individuals
Talking to trusted individuals like religious leaders, mental health professionals, and family members about hard subjects can be difficult, but their guidance can provide solace.
After my mission, I counseled with my local bishop about my trauma. Our discussions, guided by the Holy Ghost, helped me foster a more positive perspective. I’ve also been more open with my parents, who’ve provided advice from years of wisdom. I’ve benefited greatly from sharing my challenges with sincere, spiritually intelligent, and empathetic people in my life who have taught me what it really means to “bear one another’s burdens” and “mourn with those that mourn” (Mosiah 18:8, 9).
Additionally, proper mental health consultants and therapists have been crucial in my healing journey. When someone has experienced sexual trauma, a variety of long-lasting effects often come with it. Professionals are trained to address psychological damage and provide us with the proper tools to heal.
Make Mindful Media Choices
In therapy I learned that caution and the guidance of the Spirit can help us with selecting media. Unhealthy, worldly depictions of sexuality can be harmful because of misinformation that distorts the sacredness of sexuality and sexual intimacy.
President M. Russell Ballard (1928–2023) once said: “Most of the sitcoms, dramas, and reality shows [today] contain immorality … and subtle ridicule of traditional values and traditional families. Each year the new shows seem to get worse, pushing the envelope of what the public will accept.”
I’ve also learned about the divine purpose of God-given sexual feelings and that they should be expressed with respect and tenderness in the bounds He has set: marriage between a man and a woman. This has been transformative for me.
Strive to See Everyone Through God’s Eyes (Including Yourself)
I once harbored anger toward those who had hurt others, whether physically, emotionally, spiritually, or sexually. Anger is a normal emotion, especially if you’ve been a victim of trauma or abuse, and I struggled with a pessimistic view of wickedness in the world.
I felt justified in my thinking, but living with resentment didn’t yield any positive outcomes. Choosing hatred was hindering my healing. Instead, I’ve tried to show love toward everyone, including myself.
As Elder Patrick Kearon of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles taught: “With arms outstretched, the Savior offers the gift of healing to you. With courage, patience, and faithful focus on Him, before too long you can come to fully accept this gift. You can let go of your pain and leave it at His feet.”
I testify that our Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ are aware of our circumstances. They are involved in our lives and want us to find healing from the pain we carry. There is recovery, peace, and rest for everyone. We aren’t supposed to carry our burdens alone.
No matter what we’ve been through, with the Savior’s help, we can learn to see our sexual feelings as a God-given gift.