For Mothers of Young Children
As a New Mother, I Wondered If My Goals Were as Important as My Husband’s
As a soon-to-be-mother, I realized I needed a change of heart.
I’ve wanted to be a mom since I was little. But the reality of that desire never felt more real than when I was looking down at a positive pregnancy test.
Of course, I was overjoyed. But being pregnant meant that my days of professional work were numbered, at least for a little while. For our situation, it made the most sense for me to stop working so I could be home with our daughter.
My husband, of course, would be majorly involved in caring for our daughter, but I realized that many of our daughter’s earliest needs would fall on my shoulders, especially since my husband would be working full-time and going to school.
This realization was scary. I began to feel jealous that my husband didn’t have to deal with the pains of pregnancy and that his education and career goals would be only marginally disrupted by having a baby.
I really struggled with this for a while. I knew that motherhood would be a wonderful blessing in my life, and I did not want to begin motherhood feeling bad for myself.
God’s Plan for the Family
But then I read a quote that shifted my view on motherhood. It said: “Motherhood is not a hobby, it is a calling. … It is not something to do if you can squeeze the time in. It is what God gave you time for.”1
During World War II, the First Presidency issued a statement that affirmed this idea: “Motherhood is near to divinity. It is the highest, holiest service to be assumed by mankind. It places her who honors its holy calling and service next to the angels.”2
President Russell M. Nelson reaffirmed this when he said, “The highest and noblest work in this life is that of a mother.”3
What beautiful imagery. That gave me a lot of comfort, knowing that the Lord and His prophets value the work that mothers do.
I’d been weighing motherhood and a career against each other, trying to figure out how to do both. This quote helped me understand that motherhood is my calling; my career and my education, whether I do them before, after, or during motherhood, are tools to help me support my children mentally, spiritually, and financially.
A Shift in My Perspective
But it still seemed like my husband was getting the better end of the deal. He would get the child he wanted and the opportunity to pursue his personal career goals at the same time, while I felt “forced” to prioritize one over the other.
I finally found peace during a conversation with my husband. We discussed his excitement to finish college and his plans for working after he graduated. He wants to work hard so that we can have the life that we have always envisioned. I realized that his desire to work was driven by the responsibility he feels to raise our children in a safe, Christ-centered home, even if that means that he will have to work hard to make that a reality.
The Spirit softened my heart as I was reminded of “The Family: A Proclamation to the World.” In it, Church leaders declared, “Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs … to teach them to love and serve one another, [and] to observe the commandments of God.”4
I realized that both parents bear the sacred duty of raising their children. Parenthood is a divinely appointed calling. If motherhood is the most important role that a woman can hold, then fatherhood is the most important role that a man can hold.
Aspiring to Eternal Goals
We live in a world driven by learning, personal achievement, and accomplishment. More people than ever before have access to higher education and career opportunities. Ancient and modern prophets have proclaimed that learning is important to our eternal progression. Isaiah taught that “wisdom and knowledge shall be the stability of thy times” (Isaiah 33:6).
But too often, the world prioritizes personal achievement in education and careers over the family unit, claiming that marriage and children require personal sacrifice with little to no return on investment.
As a result, many people pursue careers for self-gratification and self-fulfillment, not necessarily to be able to provide for a family.
As members of the Church, we learn that “the family is ordained of God” and that “fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners.”5 One of our greatest purposes on this earth is to have a family. Other goals and aspirations can support the cause of the family but should not impede Heavenly Father’s plan.
When people look at marriage and parenthood as an impediment to their goals instead of as their primary goal, it becomes too easy to push those eternal goals aside. Both men and women should aspire to their goals so that they can support their family, not in spite of their family.
Realizing this helped me see that I am not unequal to my husband, and my goals are not less important than his. God created men and women to be equally important to His plan. His plan revolves around strengthening families, and I am grateful to play a part in His plan as my husband and I work to build and strengthen our family together.