How Showing Love Can Heal Loneliness
I felt lonely when I saw others receive blessings I wanted, but general conference taught me how to look outside of myself and find belonging.
Despite my best efforts at dating, I never had a serious romantic relationship in college.
I compared myself to other young college students who seemed to have picture-perfect dating lives and marriages. Even though I had great relationships with family and friends, I often felt very lonely.
“Will my turn ever come?” I wondered. “Am I still single because something is wrong with me?”
I felt particularly lonely one Valentine’s Day. My friends and roommates had covered our kitchen table with bouquets they received from their boyfriends and fiancés.
While my friends admired their flowers, one of them commented on how cheap and artificial a certain bouquet looked. The group agreed and started adding their own negative comments about the bouquet and its giver. One friend joked that if a young man ever bought her such ugly flowers, she would send him back to the store to try again.
I listened to the conversation and felt a sad ache in my heart. My friends didn’t mean any harm, yet I couldn’t help but think of how happy I would be if someone gave me even a cheap bouquet as an expression of love.
Relating to General Conference
I remembered this experience years later while watching the October 2022 general conference. Elder D. Todd Christofferson of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles told the story of a woman named Jodi King who struggled with infertility.
One Sunday, after learning once again that she was not pregnant, Jodi sat in a Sunday School lesson about the divinity of motherhood. The lesson quickly turned into members venting about parenthood.
“My heart sank and tears silently flowed down my cheeks as I heard women complain about a blessing I would give anything for,” Jodi wrote.
She left church that day not wanting to return. But she later determined that the joys that come from attending church outweighed her feelings of isolation.
“We come to church to renew our covenants, to increase our faith, to find peace, and to do as He did perfectly in His life—minister to others who feel like they don’t belong.”1
As I listened to this sweet woman’s struggle with infertility, I felt the Spirit touch my heart. I could relate to the pain of others taking for granted the very thing I want most. Her story helped me realize that I could use my experience with loneliness to empathize with and serve others.
Shift Your Focus to Others
I believe that most of us are silently suffering in some way. That is why we are all called to minister and lift each other up as Christ did. As I watched general conference, I felt a determination to help others feel loved.
Elder Christofferson continued, “Although we rarely think about it, much of our belonging comes from our service and the sacrifices we make for others and for the Lord. Excessive focus on our personal needs or our own comfort can frustrate that sense of belonging.”2
I’ve noticed when I feel lonely or sad, I tend to further isolate myself. While feelings of loneliness should be acknowledged and validated, I’m learning to shift my focus to others. As I serve and try to befriend others, my burdens become a bit lighter.
Christ Understands Our Pain
Elder Christofferson also taught that our worth does not come from any calling or achievement. Our sense of belonging comes from knowing and following Jesus Christ.
“Each one of us can affirm: Jesus Christ died for me; He thought me worthy of His blood. He loves me and can make all the difference in my life,”3 Elder Christofferson said.
Jesus Christ knows our desires, no matter how small and insignificant they seem. He understands our pain because He suffered it. Yet He still chose to die and be resurrected so that we could be redeemed.
This knowledge doesn’t necessarily fix all our problems. I’m still single, and I still feel lonely sometimes. But the knowledge that Christ loved me enough to live and die for me gives me hope.
With this apostolic invitation to help others feel they belong, I hope to make friends with the people in my ward. I want to find simple ways to reach out to others more often, and I invite you to do the same. I know that as we follow His example and minister to others, we will feel a sense of love and belonging.