“One Thing about the Future I Can Control,” Liahona, July 2020
That little voice in my head was getting hard to ignore. Here I was at age 28, still single and not really sure of what I wanted to do professionally even though I had a good career as a labor and delivery nurse. I felt like every aspect of my life wasn’t working out. I was doubting life choices and didn’t know which path to take. I just felt lost.
One day when I was feeling particularly down, a friend whom I hadn’t talked to in a while called me. When he asked how I was doing, I explained all those feelings I had been struggling with. He listened and then said, “OK, but how are you doing spiritually?”
“Oh yeah, that’s perfect,” I responded automatically. “I’ve never felt closer to God in my life.”
He replied, “Then you don’t have to worry about anything else.”
Since the conversation, I realized two things. First, I realized that I am so grateful to have a strong testimony of the restored gospel and to be able to live the commandments and feel connected with heaven.
Being spiritually self-reliant is so important to me, and I’m still learning how to open the heavens in my life. Praying and studying the scriptures every morning are two simple things that I feel make the biggest difference in my ability to receive personal revelation. I also feel more connected with heaven when I make an effort to be kind, to live a healthy life so the Spirit can always be my companion, to obey the commandments, and to repent sincerely.
Second, I realized that my response to my friend’s question wasn’t totally right—I thought I was doing “perfect” spiritually, but I needed to have more faith, stop worrying so much, and trust God to take care of the things I can’t control.
Even when some aspects of my life aren’t going as well as I would like, I know that the important thing is to act in faith and show God that I use my agency to make good choices. I’ve learned that when life doesn’t work out the way I expect it to, it’s so that I can learn and grow in ways I wouldn’t be able to otherwise.
I never imagined that in my 29th year I would find myself having doubts about my career and the next stage of my life. Still, even with all these unknowns, I have total confidence that God has a perfect plan for me. He knows exactly what’s happening and what I need, and He will always take care of me (see Matthew 6:28–34). Just as Elder L. Todd Budge of the Seventy taught, “As difficult as it is to understand, especially at the times in our lives when the headwinds are strong and the seas are turbulent, we can take comfort in knowing that God in His infinite goodness is always blowing us toward home” (“Consistent and Resilient Trust,” Liahona, Nov. 2019, 48).
Some days life feels just so difficult, but when I really think about it, I know that I don’t have to worry. Little by little, I have come to realize that I need to trust God a little more and worry less about things I can’t control. The one thing I can control about the future is trusting God and working on growing closer to Him every day.
When I feel lost, there is always enough light for me to take a step into the unknown and move forward. And as long as I exercise faith and keep my covenants, as long as I remember my true identity as a daughter of Heavenly Parents and try over and over again, things will happen when and how they’re supposed to, and that’s really all that matters.