Finding Answers: From Sister to Sister
How Can I Keep My Faith Strong When Others Are Leaving?
My friend had always been a source of spiritual strength for me. So when she decided to leave the Church, I began to think more deeply about my own testimony.
Whenever I heard about strangers publicly renouncing the Church, I felt unsettled. When I saw old acquaintances post online that they were leaving, I felt unsettled and sad. And then when someone I loved and trusted chose to leave, I felt unsettled, sad, and trapped in a spiritual tailspin.
One of my best friends decided she no longer believed the Church to be true just a few years after we served our missions. She had encouraged me to go on a mission, and we wrote letters to support each other while we were serving. In my eyes, this friend seemed like a spiritual rock.
Then she stopped wearing the temple garment, chose to be married outside the temple, and became disillusioned with Church practices and teachings.
And one of the hardest parts for me about her choices? I still trusted her judgment. I trusted that she had thought these decisions through and believed the lifestyle she was now pursuing was the best one for her. While it saddened and confused me to watch her change in this way, I respected her wisdom and her agency. She was still the kind, capable, intelligent person I had always looked up to.
And though I respected her choices, I felt an almost desperate need to reconfirm for myself the path I was going to follow.
Questions of My Own
I couldn’t help thinking about my friend’s new beliefs and choices. When I did, my mind began to swirl with questions:
If someone like her would leave the Church, then is it really true?
How could she have been so confident before and now not believe at all?
Did I miss an opportunity to minister to her?
After a while, however, I realized the real question I was asking myself was this: Do I still believe the Church is true?
Because I would see my friend frequently, I found it impossible to ignore or stifle my question. I felt more compelled to “be ready always to give an answer” about the authenticity of my testimony (see 1 Peter 3:13–16).
At first, I was intimidated by the idea of taking an honest inventory of what I believed. I thought it would be easier, or at least more comfortable, to not seek deeper personal understanding of how my faith intersected with difficult issues. But as time went on, I began to see this experience as a priceless opportunity.
Why? Because I could feel myself becoming a more genuine disciple of Christ.
Now, some days have been filled with anxious feelings as I wrestle with questions. But there have also been more moments of clarity than I’ve ever had before. I have felt a level of deeper, more honest belief. To my amazement, I’ve felt more, not less, confident in my testimony.
In hindsight, I can see how the Spirit guided my search for truth through examples in the Book of Mormon and the words of living prophets. Here is what I’ve come to appreciate about Christ’s invitation to “seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you” (Matthew 7:7) when a trusted friend leaves the Church.
Don’t Dwindle—Be Intentional
In the Book of Mormon, we read about how the people “dwindled” in unbelief. For example, Mormon 9:20 says, “And the reason why he ceaseth to do miracles among the children of men is because that they dwindle in unbelief.”
To dwindle means “to become steadily less.”1 It seems the people in the Book of Mormon didn’t abandon their beliefs all at once. Instead, it was a gradual forgetting. Perhaps they let their questions slowly fester instead of trying to find answers, or maybe they became lax in their daily religious practices, like prayer and scripture study. Eventually those little decisions led to living in a state of unbelief and to a lack of miracles in their lives.
The same can happen to us if we are not intentional about our faith, especially when we are watching someone we trust reevaluate or abandon our once shared beliefs.
When my friend renounced the Church, I of course wanted to know why. I felt that it was important to our relationship to understand what she was going through. As she expressed her questions and concerns, I became increasingly stressed and often felt disoriented. But rather than let the anxious feelings and questions hover over me in an ambiguous cloud, I chose to face them head-on.
I accepted President Russell M. Nelson’s invitation when he said, “Choose to do the spiritual work required to enjoy the gift of the Holy Ghost and hear the voice of the Spirit more frequently and more clearly.”2
He wasn’t kidding when he said it would take spiritual work! Intentionally nurturing your testimony requires diligence, planning, patience, and usually sacrifice. But as President Nelson also said, “The Lord loves effort, because effort brings rewards that can’t come without it.”3
Others around us will choose the life paths they feel best about, but we don’t have to blindly follow suit and let our own beliefs dwindle away. Instead, we can be in control of our beliefs by intentionally seeking out more truth. To do this includes putting yourself in situations where you can feel the Spirit.
Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles said: “If we remove ourselves from the light of the gospel, our own light begins to dim—not in a day or a week but gradually over time—until we look back and can’t quite understand why we had ever believed the gospel was true. Our previous knowledge might even seem foolish to us because what once was so clear has again become blurred, hazy, and distant.”4
For me, keeping my previous knowledge fresh meant redoubling my gospel habits. For example, I set a timer on my phone and prayed for twice as long as I usually did. I recommitted to praying before going to church and then putting my phone away for the whole meeting so I could really focus. Scripture study became my number one priority in the mornings.
My efforts have not been perfect, but as Elder Uchtdorf also said, “Discipleship is not about doing things perfectly; it’s about doing things intentionally.”5
Trust God and Expect Answers to Come
Putting in the effort to know or reconfirm truth requires diligence and patience, but I know it will be worth it.
President Nelson said: “To be sure, there may be times when you feel as though the heavens are closed. But I promise that as you continue to be obedient, expressing gratitude for every blessing the Lord gives you, and as you patiently honor the Lord’s timetable, you will be given the knowledge and understanding you seek. Every blessing the Lord has for you—even miracles—will follow.”6
Who doesn’t need a miracle these days? I know that President Nelson’s promise is true for all of us, no matter our circumstances. Facing intimidating questions—whether they stem from ourselves or from those around us—can be scary, but as we are intentional about our faith, questions can become an opportunity to more deeply know “the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom [He] hast sent” (John 17:3).
The last few years have taught me that coming to know Jesus Christ and understand His gospel is a lifelong process. We are not finished learning just because we served a mission, got married, or reached any other milestone. Now I see each day as an opportunity to choose Him again and strive to be a more authentic “example of the believers” (1 Timothy 4:12).