Listen with Humility

Take a moment to think about what makes someone a great listener. How do they show that they are listening? How do you feel when you are around them? Listening with humility means thinking of yourself less and trying to understand others more. This seems simple, but listening with humility can be hard to do. We often want to immediately give advice or tell someone to stop worrying. However, these reactions can discourage family members and friends from coming to us with their sincere questions or concerns.

Jesus Christ showed us how to listen with humility when He listened to Nicodemus’s questions (see John 3:1–21), taught the woman at the well (see John 4:5–30), ministered to the woman taken in adultery (see John 8:2–11), and walked with His disciples on the road to Emmaus (see Luke 24:13–35). Before He ministered to these people, He listened to them.

Listening with humility is a quality that we can develop. And we have the Savior’s example to follow. Try practicing some of the following listening skills to help your loved ones feel heard and understood.

Avoid being dismissive or judgmental. When someone has a question or a concern, sometimes we incorrectly assume the person is doing something wrong. It’s more helpful if we accept them for who they are and where they are at in their spiritual journey. Remember that faith grows little by little, and asking sincere questions can increase our faith. The Restoration of the gospel of Jesus Christ began with a question (see Joseph Smith—History 1:8–19). And as President Russell M. Nelson has said, the Restoration of the gospel of Jesus Christ is an ongoing process, not an event that happened only in the past.¹

Listen to understand. Sometimes we feel like we need to answer the other person’s questions right away. People often simply want someone who will listen and be open to discussing difficult questions, not someone who’s going to dismiss them. We can show that we care by listening to understand the person’s perspective. Remember that we all have different life experiences that shape our views. And it’s more helpful to listen to another person’s viewpoint than to try to change it.

Pay attention to your emotions. It takes patience and love to listen, especially if we disagree with what someone is saying. For example, if a loved one tells you they aren’t going to attend church anymore, your emotions (fear, frustration, grief) may make it difficult to listen. By recognizing our emotions and setting them aside for the moment, we can avoid interrupting or making judgments that can prevent future connections. If you are feeling overwhelmed, it can be helpful to ask for a break in the conversation. This can give you a chance to process your emotions in a healthy way before continuing.

Ask questions. We can understand more when we ask follow-up questions about someone’s thoughts and ideas (for example, Can you tell me more? or How does that make you feel?). Asking questions also shows that we care and that we want to avoid misunderstanding. Open-ended questions like What do you think? and How is this affecting you? can help a person share more deeply what’s in their heart.

Recognize that the conversation is not about you. Most of the time we confide in one another to build relationships and trust. Our loved ones want to genuinely share their questions or concerns with us. We can try to understand that their beliefs are not an attack on ours, and we can practice empathy by imagining how they are feeling. This can help us take the focus off ourselves, become less defensive, and listen with the intent to help others.

Other Helpful Resources

Russell M. Nelson, “Listen to Learn,” Ensign, May 1991

“Five Things Good Listeners Do,” Ensign, June 2018

“Developing the Empathy to Minister,” Ensign, Feb. 2019

C. Ross Clement, “Talking with Teens,” Ensign, June 2005