“Let’s Talk about Confidence,” Ensign, Dec. 2020.
Digital Only: Young Adults
Let’s Talk about Confidence
Developing confidence is a journey, but it starts with some simple self-reflection.
Posed by model
Hello. My name is Lynzi, and I am confident.
Does that mean I’m never insecure? Or that I love what my body looks like 100 percent of the time? Or that I don’t have to work for my confidence? Or that I’ve completely stopped comparing myself to others? No way!
But it does mean that I can admit that I’m insecure sometimes and be myself anyway. It means that I view my body as something I work with and not against. It means that I can pick myself up and try again when I make mistakes in all areas of my life. And it means that I can celebrate others’ successes and strengths without agonizing over my own weaknesses and failures.
I realize that not everyone feels the same way about confidence as I do. I started a self-confidence podcast last year because, in my short life, I’ve learned a few things about what it really takes to be confident. The truth is, you don’t have to be beautiful, have a million retweets on Twitter, play sports well, be in a relationship, or have loads of money. I know this because I know people who have those things—sometimes all those things—and they still aren’t confident.
But, you might counter, they look confident!
So I would ask you: Which do you truly want more—to look confident, or to be confident? Which lasts longer? Which can’t be stripped from you by outside forces? Which is really worth having?
Being confident, of course.
Like most things worth having, it takes time and effort to develop true confidence, but it’s worth it. And where does true confidence come from?
It comes from God, and it lives in your heart.
Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles has said: “If we look at ourselves only through our mortal eyes, we may not see ourselves as good enough. But our Heavenly Father sees us as who we truly are and who we can become. He sees us as His sons and daughters, as beings of eternal light with everlasting potential and with a divine destiny.”1
And He doesn’t give us “likes” or awards or certificates to help us know who we are. We feel the confirmation that we are His children, beings of infinite worth and value, only by learning to think as He thinks, to see as He sees, and to do our best to act as He would act.
That kind of confidence ultimately helps us understand who we truly are and who everyone else truly is too. It’s important to first get our own self-doubt out of the way so we can become who we were meant to be and help others do the same.
Be Real
So let’s get down to the nitty-gritty: How can we begin our journey to confidence?
You can start by just being real.
That single qualification is what keeps most people from ever developing lasting confidence. You have to embrace authenticity in all its forms. The prophet Jacob taught: “For the Spirit speaketh the truth and lieth not. Wherefore, it speaketh of things as they really are, and of things as they really will be; wherefore, these things are manifested unto us plainly, for the salvation of our souls” (Jacob 4:13).
To embrace yourself as you really are, you have to allow yourself to be seen by yourself, by others, and most importantly, by the Savior and Heavenly Father, and trust that They will accept you. And you have to be OK with being your true self, even if at times you feel dumb, embarrassed, or insecure. Can you admit where you want to change? Can you apologize when you’re wrong? Can you come to your Heavenly Father in prayer with your soul laid bare? It’s a large pill to swallow, but once you get that down, you’ll be well on your way to confidence.
And just like most everything else in life, this takes practice.
If it all feels like too much to handle, you can start by asking the question, Who am I?
... I’m so glad you asked.
For me, there are three main parts to the answer of this question, and only you can answer them. You must figure out:
-
How do I tell my story?
-
Who do I want to be?
-
How does God see me?
Let’s break it down.
1. How Do I Tell My Story?
Answer this: What story or narrative are you telling yourself about yourself?
What experiences have you had in life that have shaped you into the person you are now? Do you focus on the negatives or the positives? Do you focus on how far you’ve come or how far you have to go?
Now ask yourself a different question: What is the story you want to tell yourself?
You’re in charge of your story. We each have control over how we view our life experiences.
We’ve been sent to this earth to act, and that includes choosing how to react to the events in our lives. We have to choose, every day, to shape the story we’re living. If we don’t, others will have control of what part we play in our life’s story.
2. Who Do I Want to Be?
I can’t answer this for you. But whoever you want to be, don’t limit yourself. Don’t try and fool yourself into thinking you are “less than.” No matter what you’ve been through, where you came from, or where you are now, you’ve got infinite potential. God gave that to you. And all He requires of you is to try. Not to be perfect, but to try. As President Russell M. Nelson said, “The Lord loves effort, because effort brings rewards that can’t come without it.”2
Try looking at your strengths. What do you excel at? What talents do you have that you take for granted? How can you use those talents to bless those around you?
Try new things. Adventuring out into the unknown is thrilling and rewarding to our brains. We need to push ourselves out of our comfort zones to really explore our potential. Your dream career/hobby/family/life might be waiting just behind that door marked “The Unknown.”
And lastly, try again. I mean get up and brush yourself off and take another chance on yourself. Build resilience. Don’t let failure keep you on the ground when you were meant to soar.
3. How Does God See Me?
You might be out there wondering, How do I try when I feel like I’m just going to fail? How do I get past my fear?
First, remember this: Heavenly Father loves you. He sees you, all the different facets of you, the messy, the wonderful, the immature, the compassionate, and the hard-working parts of you. Remember that Jesus Christ suffered in Gethsemane and on the cross because He knew you would mess up sometimes. Both our Heavenly Father and His Son already knew. They’ve seen all your mistakes and insecurities, from the beginning to the end. They know how far you’ll fall, and They still want you! They still want you to come home. They want you to realize that you are priceless.3 Christ has done all the hard work for you, and now you just have to keep trying. That’s all it takes!
That is literally all it takes.
What You’re Worth
You are an amazing, intricate, eternal being. You have infinite worth and infinite capabilities. This has nothing to do with how you look, how many people pat you on the back, what positions you get, or what’s in your bank account. This doesn’t change based on anyone else’s life, looks, or accomplishments. It does have everything to do with how grateful you are for this chance to grow, and what you decide to do when life, or your own inner critic, kicks you down.
On this lifelong journey of developing confidence, remember those three questions and how they influence how you feel about yourself. Rely on Christ. Read your patriarchal blessing. Spend more time in the scriptures than you do on Facebook. Let yourself feel embarrassed. Keep learning and keep growing. And remember, what you look like and what you achieve has absolutely nothing to do with what you’re worth.
I love you.
And you can learn to love you too.
Now get out there and become who you’re meant to become.