Will I See My Mother Again?

By Magdalena Donoso, Florida, USA

My experience in the temple cleansed my heart. In that moment, all of my pain and anger went away.

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woman looking out a window

Photographs by Christina Smith

After my parents separated, my mother and brother went to live with my grandmother. A short time later, I was born in Matagalpa, Nicaragua. Two years after I was born, while my mother was dying of cancer, she asked my father to take us in. He refused.

That hurt me deeply. After my mother died, however, my father began to change and to visit us. But I had no love for him. I resented him. Six years after my mother passed away, he died in a car crash.

Because my father had been mean to my mother, I had a bad concept of marriage. When I was 15, I thought seriously about becoming a nun so that I wouldn’t have to get married. But a coworker told me: “There are many other ways to serve God. You can get married to a good husband, and you both can serve God together. Ask Him to tell you which path to take.”

I thought about her words that night during my late shift at the hospital. Whenever I had problems or challenges, I missed my mother. As I was reviewing hospital records, I fell asleep and dreamed about her.

In my dream, I entered an old church and sat down on the front row. When I turned around, I saw my mother. She didn’t say anything, but she had a sad look on her face and motioned for me to leave. I understood that she did not want me to become a nun.

After my dream, my aunt and I began looking for a new church to attend. We visited several. I liked them all, but I did not feel that they were right. We wanted a church where we could feel God’s presence.

As we visited the different churches, I asked their leaders my “great questions of the soul.”¹ I asked, “Will I see my mother again? Will she know me as her daughter? Will I know her as my mother?” Most of them told me I would recognize her only as my sister, not as my mother. I did not think that was just.

You Have to Do Your Part

When I met missionaries from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I finally found the answers I was looking for.

“Will my mother recognize me as the two-year-old baby girl she lost when she died?” I asked them.

“Yes,” they answered, “and you will recognize her as your mother.”

“Will I ever be able to hug her again?”

“Yes,” they told me, “but for that to happen, you have to do your part.”

“What do I need to do?”

“Let us teach you,” they said. “Then you need to pray about what you learn. And if you feel that what we teach you is true, you need to get baptized.”

That same day they also taught me about the temple. We had a very special discussion. I knew that what they taught me was true. My aunt, two of her children, and I were baptized and confirmed two months later.

After we got baptized, I was eager to have my mother’s temple work done but not my father’s work. The missionaries, however, encouraged me.

“It’s part of doing your part,” they said. “Your father is also waiting for you to have his work done.”

I told them I didn’t care. I was still upset with him.

“We have found the gospel,” my aunt told me. “You need to forgive him and do his work.”

Reluctantly, I accepted their counsel. A year after I was baptized, I took my parents’ names to the Guatemala City Guatemala Temple. It was a powerful, emotional experience. I was baptized for my mother and for several other people. Then our branch president prepared to be baptized for my father. I did not want to watch, so I began to leave.

After the branch president entered the font, I heard my father’s name during the ordinance. Immediately afterward, I felt the presence of my father. That experience left me feeling ashamed for not wanting to have his work done.

“Forgive me, Heavenly Father,” I prayed as I began to weep. “I have been selfish.”

When I returned to Nicaragua, I went to the cemetery where my father was buried. For the first time, I visited his grave and placed flowers on it. I asked him to forgive me, and I told him that I loved him. Then I wept again.

My father, like my mother, had been waiting for me to take his name to the temple, where Heavenly Father allowed me to have a wonderful experience. That experience cleansed my heart. In that moment, all of the pain and anger I had felt toward him went away.

For that, I am eternally grateful.