A Letter to Those Struggling to Forgive

From: Name withheld

To: Those struggling to forgive

I’ve been hurt before and had to learn how to forgive.

Dear friend,

Feeling hurt or offended seems to be a universal experience. People around us often say or do things that make us feel angry, overlooked, offended, belittled, or unappreciated.

Many years ago, I was hurt by someone at church. I was angry and upset, and I wanted that person to apologize, but they never did. I tried to forget what had happened, thinking that the pain and anger I felt would just go away.

But I carried those feelings of anger with me for several years. The resentment I felt toward this person refused to go away.

One day I was talking to a friend about this situation. A thought came into my heart:

Forgive.

The Spirit was prompting me to forgive this person I was harboring so much anger for. I was astounded.

How was I supposed to forgive this person? I was the one who had been hurt, so I deserved to be asked for forgiveness, didn’t I?

I struggled with this prompting for a long time. However, I pondered my Savior’s example and His teachings about forgiveness:

“For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you:

“But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses” (Matthew 6:14–15).

Even on the cross, the Savior pleaded with His Father to forgive the soldiers who crucified Him (see Luke 23:34).

I also remembered President Russell M. Nelson’s invitation to “exercise the humility, courage, and strength required both to forgive and to seek forgiveness. …

“… If forgiveness presently seems impossible, plead for power through the atoning blood of Jesus Christ to help you.”

With all of this in mind, I prayed a lot. I prayed to my Heavenly Father, saying, “If it’s Thy will that I forgive this person, open the doors and help me make it happen, because I don’t have the strength to do it myself.”

The next day at church, I found myself face-to-face with the person who had hurt me. Guided by the Spirit, I felt that I should ask them for forgiveness. I apologized for not having been a good friend at times and asked if they could forgive me. They did, and in return they asked me for forgiveness for what they had done. I forgave them.

I left that experience relieved. My hurt feelings didn’t go away all at once, but I felt better. I was free from the pain and the sorrow that had plagued me for so long. I could move on with peace.

Sometimes it can seem impossible to forgive. But holding on to anger only hurts us further. Heavenly Father doesn’t want us to continue to suffer the pain, sorrow, and anger that Jesus paid so dearly for us to be free from. Because He loves us, He wants us to feel joy.

My friend, please be willing to give up the burdens you’re holding on to. Give them to the Savior and let His love into your life. Don’t choose to keep hurting. Choose Him instead.

Sister Kristin M. Yee, Second Counselor in the Relief Society General Presidency, testified: “The Lord requires us to forgive for our own good. But He does not ask us to do it without His help, His love, His understanding. Through our covenants with the Lord, we can each receive the strengthening power, guidance, and the help we need to both forgive and to be forgiven.”

My dear friend, you are so loved. Your path to forgiveness probably won’t look like mine did. But because we are all children of God and are so loved, He will care for each of us, according to our individual needs. He will show us the way of healing, even if it takes time.

I hope that you seek the forgiveness your soul so desperately needs. I hope that my words have been helpful to you, but more importantly, I hope that the Spirit has testified to you of the truth that the Savior can bring us peace, relief, and wholeness.

Love,

Your friend