Especially for Newlyweds
4 Helps for Making Decisions as a Couple
Learning to make decisions as a couple can be hard. Here are a few tips to help you make better decisions together.
My wife and I have made a lot of decisions in our first two years of being married, from small decisions like deciding what kind of milk to buy to bigger ones like when to start having children.
No matter how big or small, making decisions can be hard, especially when you’re learning to make them with another person!
Over time and with lots of practice, we’ve learned how, with the Lord’s help, to make good decisions together. Here are four things we’ve learned that can help you and your spouse make decisions as a couple.
1. Be of a “Sound Mind”
The scriptures remind us, “God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind” (2 Timothy 1:7; emphasis added).
You can apply this by recognizing that making decisions when you or your spouse are feeling tired, afraid, or angry will only make things more complicated. One way to help yourself and your spouse have sound minds is by praying together. Ask Heavenly Father for specific guidance on the decisions that you’re making. He won’t always give you direction in the form of a burning bush or a pillar of light, but He will guide your thoughts and actions according to His timing.
When you and your spouse are calm, thinking clearly, and aligned with the Spirit, making choices together becomes much easier.
2. Avoid Rushing or Overthinking
Even if you’re both thinking clearly, deciding too quickly can affect your ability to make the best choice. Be patient with each other and allow yourselves time to process your options, to pray, and to ponder on decisions and potential outcomes before acting.
However, waiting too long to act can also be harmful. Overthinking might lead to anxiety and second-guessing. Instead of overthinking the decision, if you’ve prayed about it, encourage each other to act in faith with confidence. When you’re both aligned with each other and the Lord, you can make harmonious decisions.
Elder Carlos A. Godoy of the Seventy once said: “Making decisions that can impact our lives and those we love without having the broader vision of their consequences can bring some risks. However, if we project the possible consequences of these decisions into the future, we can see with greater clarity the best path to take in the present.”
3. Remember Good Inspiration Requires Good Information
When President Russell M. Nelson was choosing his counselors in the First Presidency, he interviewed each member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles because he knew “good inspiration is based upon good information.”
This applies to us too! The best decisions are informed decisions. Talk with your spouse about the idea of asking trusted friends and family members for advice about the choices that you are considering together. If you both feel it would be helpful, reach out to others for their insights. Share with each other what you have learned and consult each other’s feelings about the matter.
The Lord encourages us to “seek learning, even by study and also by faith” (Doctrine and Covenants 88:118). Seek information and knowledge from good resources, including spiritual resources like the scriptures, the words of the prophets, and your and your spouse’s patriarchal blessings. When you both do research, you will both be able to move forward with your decisions confidently.
4. Let Christ Be Your Compass
As you and your spouse involve the Lord in your decision-making and move forward in faith, He will light your way.
President Thomas S. Monson (1927-2018) said, “As we contemplate the decisions we make in our lives each day—whether to make this choice or that choice—if we choose Christ, we will have made the correct choice.”
In all the decisions you face, choose the path that will allow you and your spouse to come closer to Jesus Christ. Let Him be your ultimate compass in all your choices. If you involve the Lord in your marriage and follow His framework for finding answers, He will unify you and guide you throughout your life together.