Feeling Spiritually Distant? I Was. General Conference Brought Me Back
Not only was I social distancing from others, but from Heavenly Father too.
For many people, the last few months of quarantine and social distancing have been a time to work on their spirituality. The trials coming right and left have motivated many to draw closer to God and strengthen their relationship with Him. The dramatic shift away from our typically busy schedules gave many people the time to make their spiritual growth a priority.
I greatly admire those people, but for a while, I wasn’t one of them.
During this period of canceled plans, distancing myself from others, and spending long stretches of free time trapped in my apartment, I knew I wasn’t taking advantage of the opportunity to grow spiritually as much as I could have.
But how was I supposed to move forward after the complete shutdown of my spiritual community? I struggled without the opportunity to feel the Spirit at Church meetings or to be spiritually uplifted in the temple. My spiritual habits took a hit, and so did my connection to Heavenly Father. It’s like I was social distancing not only from others but from Him and all things spiritual too. I started feeling very disappointed in myself and very far away from Him.
So when I sat down to tune in to general conference, I felt a little apprehensive of the chastisement that I believed was coming my way. I was ready to sink even further into my feelings of inadequacy and distance from God.
At the very beginning of the Saturday morning session, President Russell M. Nelson welcomed everyone to conference. He spoke to my soul when he said:
“Our spirits long to progress. …
“Through it all, our Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ, love us! They care for us!”
He ended his remarks by saying, “I pray that you may feel the Lord’s perfect love for you.”1
His words filled my heart. My spirituality hadn’t been progressing the way it should have, but God still loved me. A prophet of God was praying that I could feel the Savior’s and Heavenly Father’s perfect love. Their love was something I hadn’t felt much recently. And that beautiful reminder of love set the tone for the messages that followed. Every one of them further warmed my aching heart. A peace I hadn’t felt for weeks wrapped around me.
That love and peace I felt culminated during the hymn “Come, Ye Children of the Lord” (Hymns, no. 58). I was hit with an overwhelming wave of love from my Heavenly Father. It felt so familiar and so perfect. As I sat on my bed, I let tears stream down my face. I enjoyed the perfect, private moment of peace as the Holy Ghost bore testimony to me that despite all the challenges of the world, I was loved. That even when I am imperfect, Heavenly Father and the Savior will always love me perfectly.
Conference was a turning point for me. The strength that came from feeling the Savior’s love has helped me to reclaim my spiritual progression.
Conference reminded me of the simple truth that God loves us and never leaves us. Even when I felt distant from everyone else, including Him, He was always there, continuing to love me. And I can always turn to Him. No matter what.