I Thought You’d Never Ask!

by Ann Madsen

This is the moment you’ve waited for—your friend wants to know. Where do you begin? “In the year 1820, Joseph Smith was a young man living in the state of New York …” Maybe. Maybe not.

Suggestion #1

First, be glad for the question. I remember a conversation with a beautiful Jewish girl. She had been explaining her feelings about Judaism and her heritage when, quite suddenly, she said, “I’ve always wondered what Mormons really believe.” How exciting it was to explain our pioneer beginnings and our prophets, comparing them along the way to her people’s history. We exchanged ideas for over an hour and still correspond.

Indifference is our only real problem. So be glad for the question. But be discerning. Is your friend just superficially curious? If so, your reply could ignite that tiny spark into a small but steady flame of interest or you could deluge him with so much answer that his curiosity is doused, for now and some time to come. So bridle your enthusiasm and take a moment to answer, thoughtfully. Prayer at this time, and every other time in a gospel conversation, is vital. Inspiration telling you what to answer is an exciting process and a real one. Ask any effective missionary.

The question also gives you the opportunity to discover the depth of your friend’s concern. Is he merely baiting you, wanting an argument? Show some genuine concern in understanding his feelings, but remember, sometimes a concise answer and a quick change of subject is in order. Joseph Smith, this dispensation’s first missionary, counseled wisely, “Avoid vain disputes.” Remember this sound advice all along the way in any gospel conversation. When the exchange degenerates to jangling, with more heat than light, talk about the weather and await another day. It will come.

But if your friend shows honest interest, do not hesitate to share!

Suggestion #2

Begin by looking beyond the surface question. Think how your answer can move toward the core of the gospel.

For instance, “Why don’t Mormons smoke?” could be answered—

(a) Because it’s not good for us. Even the Surgeon-General says it’s harmful to your health. (Sounds okay, but the conversation will end abruptly right there. What else is there to ask? Nothing.)

(b) As Mormons, we are taught in modern revelation to respect our bodies. We believe in eternal life and that we’ll have our bodies forever. (Will he be curious to know more? Maybe. He could ask, “Eternal life—what do you mean by that?” or “What do you mean, ‘modern revelation’?” Either way, you have the chance to open a door of understanding to him and invite him in, with you as his guide.)

Almost any question can lead to one of the central issues of life and thus of the gospel. Avoid what I call the ‘fiddling-around-while-Rome-burns syndrome’—the tendency to waste time debating unimportant issues while the real, life-enhancing issues are skirted or forgotten. Don’t be duped into enjoying the mechanics of the debating process and come away with no one the wiser. I remember spending long hours arguing with a brilliant student. We discussed everything from the Isaiah passages in the Book of Mormon to which philosophers could have influenced Joseph Smith’s thinking. We covered lots of ground—none of it fertile. No seed of faith was planted. We merely dug deeper and deeper and consequently got further and further from the light. How the devil must laugh when he sees us wasting time on side issues when we could be sharing the knowledge that will save a hurting soul.

There are many concepts in the restored gospel that are like lighthouses. Some of the light-giving issues I steer toward are:

Life is eternal
The family is forever
God is a person
Prayer works
There is revelation today
There are prophets alive today
Repentance works
The atonement of Jesus Christ reaches all
Life is purposeful
Moral cleanliness is essential to happiness
I’m here to learn to manage me. Self-control

It’s easy to see that getting to the heart of the matter will be much more meaningful if you understand it but even more important if your life reflects that understanding. Live the light; then yours will shine to show others the way. I’ll never forget the man on the airplane who seemed very interested as I explained family home evening, the missionary system, etc., until we reached an issue on which he vigorously disagreed with me. Following Joseph Smith’s counsel, I avoided a vain dispute and changed the subject. As the plane began circling to land, I felt his agitation at our “small talk,” and finally he burst out, “Could two of those young men you told me about call on my family?” He smiled at my surprise and added, “I’m sure you thought you’d lost me, but I am impressed with your certainty on this matter. I want that for my family.”

Suggestion #3

Don’t be afraid to say, “I don’t know,” when you don’t—and don’t be afraid to dig in and find out answers. How you’ll grow in the process! But don’t ever say, “I don’t know,” when you do. Know what you know. Then say it.

Suggestion #4

The most unique answer you have to give is your testimony about an issue. When you know a thing, say, “I know,” not necessarily, “I bear you my testimony,” though that has its place. And never say, “I know,” unless you do. When you speak the truth, the Holy Ghost will confirm your words to those who are pure in heart. Then they will feel the truth as well as hear it. This is such a sweet, lifting, convincing experience. Once, on our mission, we were teaching a wonderful, young family. We were giving the lesson that explains the mission of the Savior. I always loved to give that lesson because the Spirit was usually strong in verifying our testimonies.

The young father asked at the beginning, “How can we know that what you’re telling us is true? It all sounds so good, but how can we be sure?” We explained, as best we could, how the witness of the Holy Ghost feels—a burning in the bosom, a peaceful, right feeling; an ‘aha’ experience, like “I-seem-to-have-known-that-all-along.” Then we proceeded to teach of the Savior’s mission and its application in our lives.

When it came my turn to tell them how I felt about Jesus, the Spirit was strong and unmistakable. I could see that they felt it, too. I realized then, and have known ever since, that such a witness is essential to bring complete understanding. No amount of logical argument can equal that beautiful moment of recognition that the Spirit alone can bring.

Suggestion #5

Don’t rush to find similarities or to compromise. Sometimes when we’re inexperienced, we tend to agree with a point when a few moments of earnest thought would help us see we stand in opposition. Do point out similarities where they are real and then add the additional truth the gospel encompasses. Remember, one of the strengths of our position is its uniqueness. The truth is unique. It has a drawing power to the honest, seeking mind. You’ll see.

Disagreement is encouraging. Don’t be put off by solid objections. Such objections usually indicate a real interest and that your friend is thinking in stride with you. So just lengthen your stride and hold fast to the truth. It is a firm, sure foundation. Remember the man on the airplane. It was my assurance that interested him.

Suggestion #6

Have some brief explanations ready. Since we’ve all memorized the Articles of Faith as President Kimball asked, they will serve this purpose nicely. They are the perfect mini-missionary plan. Commit them to memory (if you haven’t already). Study each one carefully to be sure you understand it and could, if called upon, discuss it in some greater depth. Use the Articles of Faith like an index of answers to gospel questions. Carry a copy with you always (maybe even an extra one or two to give away). Refer to it, if necessary (that won’t be counted as cheating), but like the full-time missionaries, commit the articles to memory so you are free to think on your feet.

Suggestion #7

If your friend doesn’t ask, you pose the questions. “Hey, what do you think about God? death? life after death? Praying—does it work?” Then, after really listening to his answer, you can very comfortably add not necessarily “Well, my church teaches … ,” but “I believe in God—a personal God.” But remember, too little is usually better than a deluge. Leave him with some curiosities—some unanswered questions for next time.

My daughter had an exciting gospel discussion with a girl recently. At that time the girl was working with a little boy who was afflicted with a brain disease and had been given six months to live. My daughter’s friend was becoming very attached to this little boy. My daughter posed personal questions such as: “Do you believe in life after death?” “Why do you think this little boy is suffering with this?” “Do you think he will be blessed for his struggles?” “What have you learned from this?” This type of question demonstrates your sincere interest in your friend rather than just pushing doctrine at him. It’s love—and a very important ingredient in teaching of Christ in His way.

Suggestion #8

Don’t be afraid. Don’t be ashamed of the gospel. The challenge of sharing the truth with our brothers and sisters is a real one. It’s true, you know. Be brave. If you were to trade places with a friend outside the gospel net, wouldn’t you want him to have courage in offering you the truth? Long ago a friend taught me some lines that lend me courage each time a chance to share the gospel arises:

Let none hear you idly saying,
“There is nothing I can do,”
While the souls of men are dying,
And the Master calls for you.
Gladly take the task He gives you;
Let His work your pleasure be.
Answer quickly when He calls you—
“Here am I—send me, send me!”

Perhaps you could begin: “I thought you’d never ask!”