“If I wait long enough, will my inferiority complex go away?” New Era, July 1974, 11

“I think I have a strong inferiority complex. If I wait long enough, will it go away?”

It is natural to have feelings of inferiority. Almost everyone does. Even those individuals who appear outwardly confident and pleased with themselves may be compensating for feelings of inadequacy.

Especially during the teen years one is often plagued with feelings of inferiority. This is a time when one is neither a child nor, consistently, an adult, when one is groping for self-identity, trying to discover one’s real self and what one wishes to make of oneself. It is also a time of life when one is “outer-directed,” seeking to please one’s peers, seeking acceptance by both boyfriends and girl friends. Trying to please everyone else is one of the surest ways of becoming confused about one’s own worth.

Man is naturally self-conscious. There is no escape from oneself except into extreme mental illness. Hence, strong feelings of inferiority are most distressing.

One of man’s most basic psychological or spiritual needs is to think well of himself, to have a feeling of personal worth, a sense of self-esteem. One should learn to accept, love, and enjoy oneself. Without self-acceptance one is in constant misery because that’s where life is—inside us. Also, without self-acceptance one cannot be free to relate to others in their interests because one is always trying to guard and protect his own starved ego. T. V. Smith, a wise teacher, said: “If you love your neighbor as yourself and hate yourself, woe unto your neighbor.” Love of self is a prerequisite to love of fellowman.

The question is asked: “If I wait long enough, will it (my inferiority complex) go away?” It is likely to diminish in time as one matures and finds himself, but again, it may not. Either way, having an inferiority complex is a miserable feeling one need not endure. There are things that can be done to overcome such a negative self-concept. Let me suggest a few.

1. Take care of your body and your health. Keep up your energy. Get enough sleep. Build your physical strength through play, work, and exercise. Bathe often and refresh yourself frequently.

2. Cultivate your strong points. Everyone is unique in his strengths. Let that uniqueness be a source of satisfaction—it may be a smile, beautiful hair, a freckled face, a pug nose, a sense of humor, patience, determination, compassion, or a talent. Develop competence in one thing—in a skill, in a subject of study, at the piano, in sewing, cooking, gardening, or in any worthwhile endeavor.

3. Keep your integrity. That is, internalize gospel ideals; make them your own. Don’t ape other people. Be your honest self. Think your own thoughts, speak your own mind appropriately, tell the truth, be true to your own deepest convictions. Be “inner directed,” governed by your own standards and ideals.

If you have made mistakes and committed sins—as we all do—don’t dwell on them. “One does not become clean by rolling in the mire,” said Huxley. Make restitution by repenting and then turn your mind and heart to better things. Crowd out evil with good.

4. Jesus said, “For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake, the same shall save it.” (Luke 9:24.) If you withdraw from life, crawling into your own shell, brooding over feelings of inferiority, you will shrivel up, and life will be bleak and dark for you—like the meat enclosed within the shell of an old walnut.

If, on the other hand, you will serve others with a glad heart—help your mom and dad, be thoughtful of brother and sister, listen to friends, visit the sick and afflicted, sing praises to God and his Son, labor gladly in their cause, you will surely discover your own worth and experience the true value of your own self.

5. A brilliant German professor was converted to the restored gospel and the Church because of our positive conception of man’s potential. Upon hearing our teachings that man is a child of God with free agency, capable of eternal progression, “that men are that they might have joy,” she exclaimed: “How could a creation of God be more evil than good—especially man who was created in his image?”

Let us too become excited about being who we are—children of God, created in his image, objects of his love.