a family spends time together

Lesson 21 Class Preparation Material

Rearing Children in Love

Being a parent isn’t easy. However, we aren’t alone. While serving as a member of the Seventy, Elder Bradley D. Foster taught, “Our Heavenly Father wants us to succeed because really, after all, they were His children before they were ours” (“It’s Never Too Early and It’s Never Too Late,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2015, 51). As you study this lesson, consider how you can follow our Heavenly Father’s example in how you raise your current or future children.

Section 1

How can I rear my children in love?

Latter-day prophets have declared, “Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love” (“The Family: A Proclamation to the World,” ChurchofJesusChrist.org). President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, then of the First Presidency, suggested one way parents can fulfill this responsibility:

President Dieter F. Uchtdorf

In family relationships love is really spelled t-i-m-e, time. Taking time for each other is the key for harmony at home. (“Of Things That Matter Most,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2010, 22)

Parents and children can spend meaningful time together in many ways. While serving in the Young Women General Presidency, President Susan W. Tanner taught:

President Susan W. Tanner

A loving relationship requires constant and ongoing talking, playing, laughing, and working moments. I … believe that parents and children need to participate in each other’s everyday, ordinary experiences. (“Did I Tell You … ?,” Ensign or Liahona, May 2003, 75)

Even if it may be easier for parents to do a job themselves, “working moments” can provide great opportunities for parents and children to talk together. Working together can also help parents teach their children the value of work and avoiding idleness (see Doctrine and Covenants 68:31).

children help do the dishes

President Uchtdorf shared other ways parents can spend time with their children:

President Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Since “no other success can compensate for failure” [J. E. McCulloch, Home: The Savior of Civilization (1924), 42] [within our families], we must place high priority on our families. We build deep and loving family relationships by doing simple things together, like family dinner and family home evening and by just having fun together. (“Of Things That Matter Most,” 21–22)

As President Uchtdorf notes, doing wholesome recreational activities can contribute to successful family relationships (see also “The Family: A Proclamation to the World”). These experiences can help “create meaningful family bonds that give … children an identity stronger than what they can find with their peer group or at school or anyplace else” (M. Russell Ballard, “What Matters Most Is What Lasts Longest,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2005, 43).

a father and child lie on the grass

President Dallin H. Oaks of the First Presidency taught principles that can guide parents in choosing activities to do with their children:

President Dallin H. Oaks

In choosing how we spend time as a family, we should be careful not to exhaust our available time on things that are merely good and leave little time for that which is better or best. A friend took his young family on a series of summer vacation trips, including visits to memorable historic sites. At the end of the summer he asked his teenage son which of these good summer activities he enjoyed most. The father learned from the reply, and so did those he told of it. “The thing I liked best this summer,” the boy replied, “was the night you and I laid on the lawn and looked at the stars and talked.” Super family activities may be good for children, but they are not always better than one-on-one time with a loving parent. (“Good, Better, Best,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2007, 105)

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Ponder in Preparation for Class

What are some ways you have seen your parents or parents you know rear their children in love? What kinds of activities do you want to do with your children in the future?

Section 2

How can I discipline my children in a loving way?

One challenging part of parenting can be disciplining your children. In this area, we can learn from the Lord, who demonstrated how to discipline with love. For example, when early Church members delayed building the Kirtland Temple, He chastened them. (Note: To chasten means to discipline or correct.)

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Study in Preparation for Class

Read Doctrine and Covenants 95:1, looking for why the Lord chastens His followers.

Think about how the following counsel from President Tanner can help parents discipline their children in a Christlike way.

President Susan W. Tanner

Sometimes discipline, which means “to teach,” is confused with criticism. Children—as well as people of all ages—improve behavior from love and encouragement more than from fault-finding. (“Did I Tell You … ?,” 74)

Elder D. Todd Christofferson of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles counseled parents to be cautious in the way they discipline. (Note: Although he was speaking to fathers, his counsel applies to mothers as well.)

Elder D. Todd Christofferson

In discipline a father must exercise particular care, lest there be anything even approaching abuse, which is never justified. When a father provides correction, his motivation must be love and his guide the Holy Spirit:

“Reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy;

“That he may know that thy faithfulness is stronger than the cords of death” [Doctrine and Covenants 121:43–44].

Discipline in the divine pattern is not so much about punishing as it is about helping a loved one along the path of self-mastery. (“Fathers,” Ensign or Liahona, May 2016, 95)

a father teaches his son

In helping children learn from and correct their misbehavior, parents should establish logical consequences for actions. Parents must be careful to not continue disciplinary practices that may be accepted in their cultures or families but do not align with the Lord’s teachings.

President Russell M. Nelson provided additional counsel:

President Russell M. Nelson

When a child needs correction, you might ask yourself, “What can I say or do that would persuade him or her to choose a better way?” When giving necessary correction, do it quietly, privately, lovingly, and not publicly. If a rebuke is required, show an increase of love promptly so that seeds of resentment may not remain. To be persuasive, your love must be sincere and your teachings based on divine doctrine and correct principles. (“Salvation and Exaltation,” Ensign or Liahona, May 2008, 9–10)

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Ponder in Preparation for Class

Think of times when you have been corrected by the Lord or the Holy Ghost has prompted you to change in some way. What can you learn about disciplining children from those experiences?

Section 3

How can I teach my children to love and serve one another?

Church leaders in our day have reaffirmed that “parents have a sacred duty … to teach [their children] to love and serve one another” (“The Family: A Proclamation to the World”). While serving in the Young Women General Presidency, President Bonnie L. Oscarson gave the following counsel about loving and serving our family members:

President Bonnie L. Oscarson

Begin your service in your own homes and within your own families. These are the relationships that can be eternal. Even if—and maybe especially if—your family situation is less than perfect, you can find ways to serve, lift, and strengthen. Begin where you are, love them as they are, and prepare for the family you want to have in the future. (“The Needs before Us,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2017, 27)

Satan seeks to disrupt the love and the service family members can experience in their home. One way he does this is by stirring up contention.

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Study in Preparation for Class

Read 3 Nephi 11:29–30, and think about how the Savior’s teachings to the Nephites can apply to families.

King Benjamin teaching from a tower

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Study in Preparation for Class

King Benjamin taught parents in his day how they should help their children learn to live and interact with their family members. Read Mosiah 4:14–15, looking for King Benjamin’s counsel to parents.

children clean a room together

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Record Your Thoughts

President Henry B. Eyring of the First Presidency taught, “[Jesus] has offered us the family as an example of an ideal setting in which we can learn how to love as He loves” (“Our Perfect Example,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2009, 71). Think of a time when the Savior lovingly served someone. Write about how you could love and serve a family member in this or another Christlike way. Prepare to share your thoughts in class.

Want More? (Optional)

What are some additional ways that parents can show love to their children and connect with them?

Elder Robert D. Hales

In the talk “Our Duty to God: The Mission of Parents and Leaders to the Rising Generation” (Ensign or Liahona, May 2010, 95–98), Elder Robert D. Hales of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles shared ways to better love and serve in our families. You might also watch the video “Parenting: Touching the Hearts of Our Youth” (3:02), in which Elder Hales explains the need for parents to connect with their children.

Consider reading the article “Parenting, Unplugged” (Ensign, June 2014, 63), which encourages parents to set aside technology sometimes so they can better connect with their children.