Mission Callings
Mission Leader Resource Guide: Addressing Pornography

Mission Leader Resource Guide: Addressing Pornography

Overview

This guide is intended to help you, as a mission leader, support missionaries who struggle with pornography use. It can be used in conjunction with the section “Follow the Safeguards for Using Technology” in chapter 2 of Preach My Gospel: A Guide to Sharing the Gospel of Jesus Christ (2023, 20–22). Become familiar with the information in this guide so you can choose the resources and approaches that you feel will best help each missionary you counsel with, based on their individual circumstances and the inspiration of the Spirit.

Remember that Family Services can help you support these missionaries. Family Services is available for you to counsel with and discuss questions you may have. Because pornography is not only a spiritual issue but also a psychological and emotional one, you may want to invite some missionaries to meet with a Family Services counselor or mental health adviser. This is especially encouraged if a missionary is consistently viewing pornography more than once a week or is not making progress as you counsel together.

Introduction

Pornography is any material depicting or describing the human body or sexual conduct in a way that arouses sexual desires.

As you minister to missionaries regarding pornography use, seek to guide them to Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. Encourage them to seek personal revelation and to learn about and apply the doctrine of Christ. Study and prayer are essential to this process.

There are many reasons someone may resort to viewing pornography. It’s important to know that a missionary may need both practical and spiritual solutions to overcome pornography.

Below are five key behaviors that will help you as you sit in counsel with your missionaries: Love, Listen, Teach, Inspire Hope, and Act.

Love

People who struggle in any degree with pornography use often experience intense feelings of guilt or shame. Do not shame, condemn, or overemphasize the truth that pornography can destroy individual lives and families. Doing so in this setting will likely cause missionaries struggling with pornography to hide their behavior, thus preventing repentance and healing.

When missionaries share their struggles with pornography use, express love and gratitude for their strength in coming forward. This will strengthen their sense of self-worth and their hope that they can overcome the problem. Reassure them of your love and the love Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ have for them.

Although pornography use can become addictive, most missionaries who struggle with pornography use are not addicted and should not be labeled as addicts. Help them focus on their divine identity as children of God and on His love for them. Teach them not to label themselves or incorrectly define their worth based on the challenges they are experiencing.

Listen

There are many factors that contribute to pornography use, and the repentance process will be different for each missionary. Listen to missionaries as they express when and where they use pornography, how hopeful they are that they can manage this issue, the scope of their use, and what they desire moving forward.

Prayerfully consider asking questions like these to better understand the missionary’s pornography use and discern their needs. (For more information, see “What do I need to understand about the scope of pornography use?”)

  • What effect has pornography use had on your life (and your missionary work)?

  • How often do you use pornography?

  • What time of day is most difficult?

  • Have you noticed a pattern of using pornography when you feel certain emotions, are in certain situations, or are having certain challenges?

  • What has helped so far in addressing this challenge?

  • How have you felt God’s love for you during this challenge?

  • How have you implemented gospel principles in overcoming this challenge?

  • Where do you feel like you are stuck?

  • What do you need help with the most in your efforts to move forward?

  • In what specific ways do you feel like I can help you?

If you become aware of any viewing, purchasing, or distributing of child pornography, contact your in-field representative immediately.

Teach

As you discuss answers to the previous questions, teach missionaries to approach their efforts with faith and hope that they can overcome their challenges. Teach the missionaries that hope is not lost just because they sin or make a mistake, and they should not get discouraged with themselves. They are not expected to be perfect, but when they commit a sin they should “repent in that moment and keep trying to live His law. This is part of being a disciple of Christ” (Preach My Gospel, 21).

Teach them that through repentance they can change and feel the strengthening love of the Savior, and they can feel the Savior’s strengthening love right where they are. This love can guide them through the healing process with the Savior’s grace and their faithful efforts.

Pray with the missionaries to help them identify what they most need right now. Missionaries may hyper-focus on their pornography use to the extent that they continuously feel unworthy. Consider reviewing with them Brother Bradley R. Wilcox’s talk “Worthiness Is Not Flawlessness” (Liahona, Nov. 2021, 61–62, 67). Ask the missionaries to listen for spiritual promptings as they read the talk and to share with you any impressions they receive. Consider emphasizing these points:

  • Worthiness is being honest and trying to improve, and it is not determined by some arbitrary date or period of abstinence.

  • If there are setbacks, use them as stepping-stones and realize how far your efforts have taken you. Setbacks don’t take you back to square one.

  • Change is a process of growing from grace to grace (see Doctrine and Covenants 93:11–14). All-or-nothing expectations for being worthy or successful are not helpful.

  • Set small, achievable goals and build on successes rather than focusing on failures.

Inspire Hope

Often, missionaries who struggle with pornography use have tried to stop countless times without success. They have repeatedly tried to change and repent, but despite their best efforts, they are stuck. They often feel ashamed and discouraged.

Help rekindle their hope that they can overcome this challenge. Teach and testify of the Savior—that He took upon Himself their afflictions and knows how to help them (see Alma 7:11–12); that they can believe in His power to help them, even if it is hard for them to trust themselves (see 2 Nephi 31:20); and that with His help, they can and will be healed (see Alma 15:6, 8).

Teach missionaries that “you do not have to overcome challenges on your own. Rely on the strength that comes through the Savior’s Atonement and the covenants you have made with Him. The Lord knows the challenges you face, and He will help you in this great work” (Preach My Gospel, 22).

Some of your missionaries will struggle to forgive themselves. Allow their missions to be a time when they let go of their past. Help them see that they are worthy to serve and can be trusted.

Different levels of behaviors. Because of the shame and stigma often associated with pornography use, some missionaries may incorrectly assume they are addicted to pornography when in fact they are not. Having an incorrect understanding of their level of use may be harmful and may hinder their attempts to change and repent. Just because someone uses pornography, that doesn’t mean they are addicted.

President Dallin H. Oaks of the First Presidency explains four different levels of pornography use: inadvertent use, occasional use, intensive use, and compulsive or addictive use (see “Recovering from the Trap of Pornography,” Ensign, Oct. 2015). Realize that very few people are truly addicted. “A person’s behavior is addictive when it forms a ‘dependency’ (a medical term applied to the use of drugs, alcohol, compulsive gambling, etc.) amounting to an ‘irresistible compulsion’ that ‘takes priority over almost everything else in life’ [American College of Physicians Complete Home Medical Guide (1999), 564].”

Please review the self-assessment in Edify Safeguards lessons and help them understand the correct level of their pornography use.

Patterns of use. Frequent pornography use often conditions the brain to desire pornography to counter difficult emotions or situations, such as feeling lonely, bored, stressed, hungry, tired, or ashamed. Specific situations or times of day may also increase the temptation, such as when using a mobile device late at night. The process of using pornography to cope with difficult emotions is often subconscious and may not be clearly discernible in any one situation. Counsel missionaries to “be aware of your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Understand how they can make you more vulnerable to misusing technology” (Preach My Gospel, 21).

It is not uncommon for individuals who use pornography to do it subconsciously to cope with emotions or situations. So while it’s important for missionaries to learn to control their thoughts, they should also look for patterns that can help them better understand the emotions, situations, and behaviors that influence their pornography use.

As you help missionaries identify these key factors, they will be better prepared to make appropriate changes. For example, if a missionary frequently uses pornography when feeling lonely, they can set goals and develop skills to better manage loneliness. This may mean talking to a trusted person. Little by little, the missionary will learn better coping skills to manage difficult emotions rather than using pornography.

Discuss with the missionaries what they have learned and what they can do to better manage any patterns or situations. Encourage them to include these skills and any related goals in their personal action plan.

Act

Encourage missionaries to discover how to grow through their challenges with pornography use. Consider asking inspired questions about their progress and their growing hope that through Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, they can overcome their challenges. Help missionaries understand how Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ can transform them and shape who they are becoming.

Below are actions that can be helpful in addressing pornography use. Review and discuss these actions with the missionary. Consider other actions they can take that aren’t listed. Help them seek guidance from the Holy Ghost on which actions might be most helpful to them.

Complete a Safeguards action plan. Invite missionaries to use the Edify Safeguards lessons and complete a Safeguards action plan. Encourage them to add specific goals and plans relating to their pornography use. You may want to have them share and review their plan with you. Ask them to regularly review their plan and counsel together with people they trust, including you, about how their plan is working and what their next step should be.

Smartphone access levels. Mission presidents can modify each missionary’s smartphone access level (found on the missionary’s individual profile in the Missionary Portal Roster). Restricting access is not repentance or healing. However, it may help create a better environment for missionaries to be successful and grow from grace to grace (see Doctrine and Covenants 93:13).

Once missionaries have made progress in addressing their pornography use, consider removing the restrictions. This may help missionaries continue to develop necessary skills as they grow in their ability to use media productively.

Find an accountability partner. Secrecy is a major factor in continuing pornography use. Missionaries who use an accountability partner—someone they can openly and honestly talk to—can receive important support. Invite the missionaries to prayerfully consider asking someone they trust and feel comfortable with if they would be willing to regularly check in with them about their efforts to address their pornography use. Ensure that the missionaries understand this is not confession, nor is related to the repentance process, but it is meant to be a means of support for the missionary. Remind them that “all missionaries should feel comfortable asking for help when needed. … [The Lord] has provided companions and leaders to help protect and support you” (Preach My Gospel, 21).

Learn from educational resources. Information precedes inspiration and revelation. Encourage the missionaries to study information on pornography use in the Gospel Library Life Help section.

Consult with Family Services or mental health advisers. Some missionaries may struggle in their efforts to stop using pornography and may need additional help. Professional counseling (often via telehealth) is available to help missionaries address emotional triggers that may be impacting their pornography use, create better action plans, and develop other helpful skills.

Never hesitate to consult with the Family Services counselor or mental health adviser assigned to your mission health council (especially if a missionary is consistently viewing pornography more than once a week or is not making progress). Just as the struggling missionary shouldn’t bear this burden alone, neither should you as you care for them. A team approach is most effective. Family Services can help you understand the social and emotional needs of your missionaries and identify various support options. They may recommend Missionary Department–approved apps for struggling missionaries.

Assess and promote growth. Most often, missionaries will not be sent home for pornography use. As a mission leader, your focus will be to support the missionaries in their journey as disciples of Christ.

At times, missionaries’ pornography use may be significant enough to prevent them from progressing and serving. As the mission president, you might consider recommending that a missionary return home, but caution should be taken not to approach this step as punishment. Rather, returning home may be necessary for the missionary to progress as a disciple of Christ and receive additional help.

Before you consider recommending that a missionary return home, please first consult with a mental health adviser in the Missionary Department. Doing so can provide valuable insight to receive inspiration on how to best help the missionary.

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