From YA Weekly
My Epiphany about Discipleship in a Family That Isn’t Active in the Church
Being a disciple of Jesus Christ is more about loving others than trying to change them.
Growing up, my family dynamic was complex. By the time I left on my mission, my mom and I were the only active members of the Church.
When my mission concluded, I felt like it was my responsibility to help my dad and two sisters find their faith again. I thought it would be just like teaching the strangers that had crossed my path when I was a missionary.
More than ever, I hoped to help my family feel the joy I felt from living the gospel. And most of all, I hoped we could finally be sealed as a family in the temple, something I had wished for since I was a little girl.
Instead, relationships in my family were tense. Contention filled my home as my expectations remained unmet and the comparisons I made to other families fueled feelings of guilt. I encountered overwhelming feelings of inadequacy, and both friends and family members were quick to point out my mistakes as a returned missionary.
I couldn’t see how my faithful service was helping my family at all. Was I doing something wrong?
Christlike Love
After a while of wrestling with this issue, I had an epiphany about discipleship. I realized that the gospel is about much more than getting people to attend church; it’s about strengthening relationships and showing Christlike love. This change in perspective did not mean I had given up—instead, I was choosing to focus on love.
Sister Tamara W. Runia, First Counselor in the Young Women General Presidency, said, “While our families aren’t perfect, we can perfect our love for others until it becomes a constant, unchanging, no-matter-what kind of love—the type of love that supports change and allows for growth and return.”
I knew something needed to change. Instead of trying to make my family live the gospel, I focused on loving and strengthening my bond with them. I decided to love them not because of what they did or didn’t do but because I simply wanted to show charity for those I love most in this world.
Unanswered Questions
Even with this shift in mindset, I have a lot of unanswered questions about how eternity will look for my family. I’m a planner, and it feels scary not to know what the future holds.
One thing that’s brought me comfort is my testimony of the plan of salvation. Even though I can’t see the future, God—who is perfectly wise, loving, and merciful—can. Although I still have questions about exactly how things will work out, I know that things will work out.
Elder Dale G. Renlund of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles counseled, “We can try to hold our questions about how and when for later and focus on developing faith in Jesus Christ, that He has both the power to make everything right and yearns to do so.” I can’t describe the relief that comes from giving all my uncertainty and sorrows to the Savior.
I know that “all that is unfair in life can be made right through the Atonement of Jesus Christ.” I believe God’s plan is perfect, and because we are His children, He wants us to be happy. Nothing has brought me more joy and security than living the gospel of Jesus Christ.
And nothing has allowed me to fill my heart with more genuine love for my family and friends than following Him.