“Companionship Council: Creating Intentional Happiness in Marriage,” Liahona, July 2025.
Companionship Council: Creating Intentional Happiness in Marriage
Couples, like missionaries, can use companionship councils to improve their relationship.
As a young college student of peace and conflict studies, I took great interest in any process that could be used for resolving conflict. One life-altering conversation with a friend introduced me to a process that I had never heard of before: companionship council.
While sharing about his mission, my friend told me that companionship council is the regular check-in where missionary companionships discuss how they are working together and how to improve. My friend had found the process so helpful as a missionary that he planned to use it in his marriage someday. The idea sank deep into my heart. I read about companionship council in Preach My Gospel and talked to other returned missionaries about their experiences with it. I saw how companionship councils, similar to family councils, could be used to address and prevent many of the destructive conflicts we face in our relationships today.
My husband, James, and I began holding weekly companionship councils before we were even married. I can still remember our first meeting. James was so open, kind, understanding, and willing to take my thoughts seriously that I felt confident in our ability to build a happy marriage.
Now well into our life together, we have continued the tradition of weekly companionship council. While our relationship isn’t perfect, we both agree that the many sessions we’ve held have helped us find deeper joy and fulfillment in our marriage than we thought possible.
Seeing Differences as an Opportunity
God created a world that He repeatedly divided and diversified, and “saw that it was good” (Genesis 1:10, 12, 18, 21, 25). That beautiful diversity is one influence that results in a wide range of experiences and perspectives among God’s children. While it may feel scary to realize that even committed marriage partners may have vastly different opinions about important topics, we don’t need to fear. With the Savior as our exemplar, we can choose to approach these differences in loving, creative, and constructive ways that lead to more complete solutions and happier relationships.
When we engage with each other in this higher and holier way, we understand that there is no need for either contention or passive acceptance of each other’s opinions, that compatibility does not equal sameness. With practice, contrasting opinions will begin to look like opportunities for connection rather than roadblocks. Contention will be replaced with collaboration, trust, and affection.
Companionship council, infused with Christlike love, may help you transform conflict into a blessing in your own relationship. Here are four tips to help you get started.
Holding Your Own Companionship Council
1. Commit
Consider resolving together to improve your relationship by holding regular companionship council, even if it’s just a test run for a set period of time. The process won’t work well without full participation from both partners.
2. Create an agenda
Your relationship has unique strengths, shortcomings, and needs. With that in mind, identify the topics that feel important to discuss in your companionship council, such as intimacy, parenting styles, scheduling, or finances.
By giving these topics a regular place on your agenda, you’ll hold space for thoughts and feelings that otherwise might only surface in a moment of frustration or perhaps not at all.
3. Schedule a specific time and be prepared
Consider setting aside a specific time for your companionship council. Decide what will work best for you and then commit to be there, prepared to listen with empathy, to share openly, and to be kind. You may also want to keep a written record of your companionship council. Our notes from the prior week are helpful to us as we prepare for the upcoming session.
Taking notes will also help you to remember—in the words of President Spencer W. Kimball (1895–1985)—“your triumphs over adversity, your recovery after a fall, your progress when all seemed black, [and] your rejoicing when you [succeed].” James and I are so grateful that we have kept a record of the nearly 800 companionship council sessions we have held over the years. What a joy it is to look back and see how far we’ve come!
4. Be consistent
Companionship council may feel awkward or intimidating at first, but it will get easier with practice. By checking in regularly, you and your spouse will catch the small issues before they become big problems.
Ironically, one of the most painful arguments James and I ever had occurred during companionship council. The conflict quickly and unexpectedly escalated past the point of rational conversation, and we were both hurt in the process. But that heartbreaking conflict that began in companionship council was also resolved in companionship council. We knew we would have another chance the next week and the next.
So after a week of pondering and cooling off, we tried again, and we eventually worked through our differences. I felt keenly the “personal peace and a burst of spiritual momentum” promised to us when we resolve conflicts in the Savior’s way. Every conflict we resolve with creativity and love will propel us forward and invite further influence from the Holy Ghost in our relationships.
There may be times when you feel like you don’t have any conflict in your relationship, so you might be tempted to skip companionship council. My husband and I have decided not to do that. Those are the times when companionship council can be a pure joy—when we talk about what is going right, laugh together, share deep thoughts, and make memories.
The Promise
Heavenly Father made each of us unique and then organized us into relationships. He expects us to work out our differences, not with contention (see 3 Nephi 11:29) but with the pure love of Jesus Christ, because He knows it will bring us closer together and closer to Him (see Matthew 5:9; Moroni 7:48).
President Russell M. Nelson has given us the following charge with a promise: “Let us show that there is a peaceful, respectful way to resolve complex issues and an enlightened way to work out disagreements. As you demonstrate the charity that true followers of Jesus Christ manifest, the Lord will magnify your efforts beyond your loftiest imagination.”
We can move forward on the covenant path, full of confidence in that assurance from our beloved prophet. We can resolve our conflicts with creativity and compassion, “having [our] hearts knit together in unity and in love one towards another” (Mosiah 18:21).