How Changing My Thoughts Changed My Life

By Abby Larkins

When I focused on righteously exercising my agency to feel joy, my life began to change.

silhouette of head with flowers coming out on top

A few years ago, I found myself in a serious rut. My self-esteem was low, I focused only on my insecurities, and I constantly compared myself to others.

Regardless of how much I read my scriptures and prayed, I couldn’t shake my overwhelming feelings of inadequacy. I had faith in God, but I didn’t have faith in my ability to feel better.

Eventually, I grew so desperate for relief that I considered trying something I usually rolled my eyes at: positive thinking.

I realized that if I wanted to change my life, I needed to change my thoughts.

As I tried this, it became clear to me that I was righteously exercising a priceless right—I was exercising my agency.

Live in Gratitude

It’s important to clarify that positive thinking doesn’t mean living in denial of hard things or difficult emotions. Ignoring problems won’t fix them.

Positive thinking is more about what we choose to focus on, despite what struggles we are facing.

As President Russell M. Nelson taught:

“The joy we feel has little to do with the circumstances of our lives and everything to do with the focus of our lives.

“… Joy comes from and because of [Jesus Christ]. He is the source of all joy.”

Because my thoughts were focused mostly on my fears and insecurities, I didn’t feel much joy in my life. I prayed for Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ to take away my problems. But I’d forgotten that, in accordance with Heavenly Father’s plan, Christ had also preserved my ability to make choices.

One key to shifting my mindset and feeling better was to choose living with gratitude.

Instead of engaging in negative self-talk, I started actively looking for good things in my day. Sometimes it was a kind comment from a classmate. Other times it was walking home on a beautiful spring evening or eating a good meal.

I soon realized that practicing gratitude magnified my enjoyment of life. Try it! Being mindful of any goodness we experience multiplies its effect (see Doctrine and Covenants 78:19).

I collected good moments like pieces of treasure, and at the end of each day, I was always surprised by how blessed and thankful I felt. The hard parts of my life didn’t disappear, but they began to lose their sting.

Choose to Cultivate Joy

We often get so caught up in what we can’t control that we forget everything we can control.

In Doctrine and Covenants 58:27–28, the Lord reminds the Saints that “men should … do many things of their own free will, and bring to pass much righteousness;

“For the power is in them, wherein they are agents unto themselves” (emphasis added).

As I chose to focus on moments of joy, laughter, peace, and inspiration, I realized that I could choose to create more of them. The power was in me!

This can look like:

Participating in and planning fun activities.
Receiving a priesthood blessing.
Being in nature.
Standing in holy places.
Developing a new skill or hobby.
Reading a good book.
Serving others.
Spending time with people who uplift you.
Exercising.
Listening to and watching positive media.

I recognize that physical and mental health challenges can be barriers to how we use our agency. In these instances, we can continue to righteously exercise our agency by choosing to seek out medical and professional help.

Therapy, meditation, lifestyle changes, and medication, when combined with sincere prayer, scripture study, and church and temple worship, can make a big difference when we are struggling. We can also slow down when we are overwhelmed or tired, ask for help from people we trust, and seek direction and comfort from Heavenly Father.

We Are Meant to Have Joy

Heavenly Father wants us to have joy—a joy that is found in Jesus Christ. It’s the very reason we exist! 2 Nephi 2:25–26 reminds us:

“Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy.

“… And because that they are redeemed from the fall [by Jesus Christ] they have become free forever, knowing good from evil; to act for themselves and not to be acted upon” (emphasis added).

Jesus Christ has made it possible for us to cultivate joy through our agency. As we repent, learn from our mistakes, and strive to do good things, we are fulfilling the measure of our creation. We are choosing joy.

When you really think about it, having this power is an amazing blessing.

Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles advised: “We shouldn’t wait to be happy until we reach some future point, only to discover that happiness was already available—all the time! Life is not meant to be appreciated only in retrospect. ‘This is the day which the Lord hath made … ,’ the Psalmist wrote. ‘Rejoice and be glad in it’ [Psalm 118:24].”

My life has changed as I’ve chosen to change my thoughts. I’m more confident, kind, and joyful. I’m more open to trying new things and accepting opportunities. And I’m better at noticing the Lord’s hand in my life.

With the help of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, I’ve become better at making decisions that bring me true happiness and peace.

As you seek Their direction, I know They will guide you too.