Rebuilding My Faith after Doubt

By Hanna Koczka

When someone I loved was leaving the Church, I lost sight of my own testimony.

Image

smiling young woman

Photograph courtesy of the author

I had never struggled with my faith in the gospel of Jesus Christ until my older sister started telling me about how her views had changed. She had always had strong faith, so as I heard her words and saw that other friends were also leaving, I started wondering if the gospel really was true.

For the first time, I started to doubt what I had always believed in, and I was scared. I wasn’t sure where to turn. I would pray, read my scriptures, and seek guidance, but my faith truly felt shaken.

An Unexpected Calling

Soon, I had let myself drift away from the Spirit. I felt so far away from the Savior.

But seemingly out of nowhere, I was asked to organize a YSA conference for eastern European young adults and to serve as a counselor for FSY.

I was certain my stake president had chosen the wrong person—I was feeling so spiritually low. How could I uplift others when I was barely keeping myself afloat?

I didn’t want to, but I begrudgingly accepted the calling.

Reconnecting with My Faith

I learned a lot as I organized these faith-building events. What I loved most was reconnecting with young adult friends who helped me remember the faith I had before I was struggling to believe.

So many friends listened to my concerns and questions with compassion. They also shared their faith with me and kept reminding me how much my testimony had strengthened them in the past. They reminded me of how I once felt about the gospel, and I recalled profound spiritual experiences throughout my life.

I realized that while I had questions, I did want to have faith in Jesus Christ. I wanted to live the commandments, to attend the temple, to go to church, and to build and share my testimony.

When I was struggling, I had started believing that I didn’t need God. But my burdens have become lighter, and my path is much brighter as I’ve relied on Him and invited Him into my life again.

Remember Your Spiritual Experiences

Accepting this calling was a blessing because I realized how much I had missed the Spirit in my life.

Elder Neil L. Andersen of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles spoke of the power of recalling our spiritual experiences and how we can help those we love recall theirs. He taught:

“When personal difficulty, doubt, or discouragement darken our path … the spiritually defining memories from our book of life are like luminous stones that help brighten the road ahead, assuring us that God knows us, loves us, and has sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to help us return home. And when someone sets their defining memories aside and is lost or confused, we turn them toward the Savior as we share our faith and memories with them, helping them rediscover those precious spiritual moments they once treasured.”¹

This is exactly what my friends did for me, which helped me also do it for myself.

The world makes it easy to lose sight of our eternal goals, progression, and relationship with God. But in moments of doubt, we can focus on why we chose to follow Jesus Christ and remember our promised blessings and His hand in our lives.

Read your journal, look at old photos of when your life was filled with the Spirit, and talk with longtime faithful friends. Serve others, share your testimony, and open your heart to the testimonies of others.

I still don’t have all the answers to my questions, but when I push aside the voices of the world and choose faith in Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father, They provide what I need and guide me toward joy.

I know that as I continue to ponder my past spiritual experiences and strive to experience new ones, I’ll keep rebuilding my faith one step at a time.