Home Teachers—

An Aid to Parents

A few years ago I underwent extensive surgery for cancer. The operation was a success, but afterward there was a fifteen-month period of recuperation during which I struggled with repeated attacks of flu and colds. During one such recurrence in particular I remember becoming very discouraged, and one evening while home alone I poured out my heart to our Father in Heaven. Somehow I had to get back on my feet permanently.

One of my home teachers came unexpectedly to our home that evening. It was a welcome visit indeed. I told him how I had pleaded with the Lord for help to restore my health, and at the end of our discussion we both agreed that it would be appropriate for him to give me a blessing. During that blessing, I was given to understand that I would regain my strength and have no further recurrences of illness. From that time on, my health rapidly improved.

I have often thought how this home teacher was a great aid to me and my family by coming at the right moment and with the right spirit so that he could receive inspiration to give me the blessing I needed.

But that wasn’t the end of our home teacher’s service. While I was still recuperating, our three daughters’ birthdays were drawing near. We had promised them a swing set, and my wife and I were worried about how we could get the swings installed. I was reluctant to turn to our home teachers again, since they (a father-and-son team) had already repaired our shower, carried the trash cans out to the curb each week-end, and helped transplant some shrubs. Nevertheless, we felt we should consult with them once more.

We were grateful for their enthusiasm and willingness to help us still further. When the swing set was brought home from the store, they eagerly began assembling it. But when it was finished, we could see that the swing set would easily topple over if the children were to swing too vigorously. Consequently, our home teacher suggested that we set the frame into concrete—then the children could swing as hard as they wanted.

The next Saturday, he and his son appeared early. They dug holes, mixed concrete, and made a solid foundation for the swing set. He couldn’t have taken greater pride or put more effort into seeing that the job was done right if it had been for his own children. In fact, he had grown to love our children so much that it almost seemed that it was for his own children.

That evening, we heard our little ones thank Heavenly Father that we had home teachers who would help out when their daddy wasn’t able to finish their swing set for them. Today, six years later, they still have a soft spot in their hearts for their home teachers.

Hints for Home Teachers

These experiences and many others have taught me a great lesson—that there are unnumbered blessings for both the giver and the receiver when home teachers are prepared and willing to serve, and when a family is prepared and willing to receive that service. As a home teacher myself and a watcher of other home teachers over the years, I feel that a home teacher’s success in helping parents strengthen their family life is almost always assured if the basic principles that underlie home teaching are followed.

1. Be friends. The best way to increase your desire to help others, and to increase their willingness to be helped, is simply to be friends with them.

A man I work with once had to cut short his vacation with his family because of an emergency work assignment. Already in poor health and under considerable stress, he dreaded returning home alone. But he had no choice, and as he thought of whom he might ask to meet him at the airport, he decided to call one of his home teachers—who, in the few months they had lived in the area, had become a friend.

During the late flight home, he felt the tension become worse and was not able to put his mind at rest. He knew that his worries would keep him nervous and awake all night, as they had done so many nights before. But on the way home from the airport, the home teacher, sensing his friend’s difficulty, offered to have him come and stay with his family rather than go home to an empty house. Fortunately, the two families had become close enough that the thought of imposition never arose, and he gladly accepted.

After they arrived, the two of them sat up and talked for about an hour. As they discussed the stress that the man was under and the likelihood that he wouldn’t be able to sleep, the home teacher suggested that he try reading. My friend expected him to bring something intellectually stimulating. But to his surprise the home teacher returned with a popular juvenile novel. Nevertheless, he agreed to read it, and before he had finished the first two pages he was comfortably asleep. Continued contact with his home teachers in the weeks that followed helped ease his tension.

He later considered how remarkable this situation was. He felt that the home teacher had a key to his situation, and that without their friendship the avenue for the solution to his problem would not have come as quickly.

2. Seek inspiration. A few years ago two home teachers visited a family and asked how they were doing as a family and as individuals. Everyone responded “fine.”

But when they had left the home and were enroute to their next appointment, the one who was driving stopped the car.

“I think we should go back,” he said. “I have the feeling we’re needed there.” His companion agreed, and they returned to the home.

After the surprised family had gathered together again, the home teachers told them that they had felt impressed to come back and asked if they could be of further assistance. Deeply appreciative, the father replied that they must have been inspired to come that particular day and now to return. One of the sons was trying to make a major decision in his life, and he needed some help.

The home teachers spent the next several hours listening to the discouraged young man talk about his hopes and feelings. He later reported that the home teachers had helped him receive the encouragement he needed to make a decision. This experience forged a tie between the home teachers and the family that continues today and that has enabled the home teachers to give the family additional help when they have needed it.

3. Be a teacher. As the name implies, home teachers should teach. This includes being well prepared by study for each home teaching visit, as well as being prepared spiritually for unexpected teaching opportunities.

As a home teacher, I once received a phone call from a teenage girl in one of my home teaching families. She came home from school one day deeply troubled by some anti-LDS literature that another church in our area was giving to its members. Having been confronted by some of her friends, she was confused in her defense of the Church’s beliefs; and finding no one at home when she arrived, she called me with specific questions. As we talked through her questions over the phone, I was able to help her use her own scriptures to determine the fallacies in the accusations that had been made and to help her find ways to handle these untruths without alienating her friends.

Her parents were very appreciative of this help to their daughter, and this became a highlight of our home teaching experience with that family.

4. Work with your priesthood leaders. Home teachers are assigned to watch over the families for whom they have responsibility so that whenever a need arises, the home teachers may become the focal point in providing services that are available through priesthood quorums, the ward Priesthood Executive Committee, the Welfare Services Committee, or the Ward Correlation Council.

In one instance, for example, a young mother was widowed suddenly, leaving her alone with three children. Since she had no relatives living nearby, the father of a father/son home teaching team helped attend to funeral details and then took time to talk with each of the children to help them understand what had happened. He explained to them the plan of salvation and encouraged them to help their mother with the day-to-day responsibilities in the home.

Shortly afterward, the Welfare Services Committee, at the suggestion of the home teacher, arranged for another ward member who was an accountant to advise the mother in wise handling of the insurance money. Then, with labor provided by priesthood quorum members, the home received some needed repairs and painting. Later, the Welfare Services Committee assisted the mother in finding part-time employment. In all of these activities, the home teacher was closely involved.

In another instance a divorce occurred, leaving a mother on her own with children from five to fifteen years old. The priesthood leader and the bishop agreed that in this case the senior home teacher should be relieved of his other Church assignments so that he and his wife could spend as much time as possible helping meet the family’s needs.

The home teacher responded with commitment. He helped the mother determine the needs of each family member, including herself. Then he and his son helped with such things as making badly needed shelves for the garage. They took each of the children on special activities. And their two families enjoyed joint home evenings and other activities together.

Now, several years later, the oldest boy has completed an outstanding mission and the mother has an excellent job. From the outset she has been confident in her role as a single parent. The home teachers gave appropriate help without becoming too involved in the life of the single parent.

But working with priesthood leaders should be a wide-open, two-way street, where the home teacher receives ideas and guidance in addition to keeping the priesthood leader informed of problems and progress.

For example, one Aaronic Priesthood leader became concerned about a young man who was becoming lonely within his priesthood quorum. He seemed to be developing greater intellectual interests than the others in his group—which is fine, except that it seemed to be leading to an unhealthy isolation. This concern was communicated to the bishopric, and the bishop mentioned it to the priesthood leader responsible for that family. The priesthood leader then conveyed this to the home teachers, who in turn discussed it with the father.

The father had not been entirely aware of the situation, but through this communication the young man was given special encouragement to attend a nearby superactivity that summer rather than stay home as he had earlier planned. It turned out to be a fine experience for him. This encouragement led the father, the home teachers, and the Aaronic Priesthood leader to work more carefully together to allow the boy to receive recognition for his intellectual interests while maintaining a healthy balance with other activities. They also discovered that he had not been successful in the Church athletic programs although he went to practice every week. He wanted to participate but hadn’t been good enough to play. The word got back to the bishop, who then discussed the problem with the coach. The coach then determined upon a new “everyone plays” policy instead of a too-great concern for winning. As a result, all of the less talented players saw more action, which led to a greater acceptance of this young man by his fellow Aaronic Priesthood quorum members.

Hints for Those Who Are Home Taught

1. Receive your home teachers gladly. Since home teachers are meant to be an aid to the family in meeting the needs of every, individual, certainly the family shares as much responsibility for successful home teaching as the home teachers themselves. For this reason, your family should be just as prepared as your home teachers are expected to be. You should let them know they are welcome, that their visits are a special time, that you encourage and in fact expect them to come to your home regularly.

2. Accept help willingly and graciously. It sometimes happens that families decline the help and service offered by home teachers—perhaps because of pride, or perhaps because we don’t always feel like being friendly or accepting friendship. But the Lord’s word to his servants was “Feed my sheep” (John 21:15–17), and we should be obedient to that divine injunction whether we are in the position of the shepherd, or of the sheep.

Recently, one of our home teachers asked us how our garden was coming along. We told him how the whole family had become involved in planting our garden, how excited we were over the prospect of a good crop from our fruit trees, and so forth. But I added that our grape vines needed pruning, since they had not produced many grapes the previous year.

Our home teacher, an expert gardener, immediately volunteered to come over and help with the pruning. I had planned to do it by myself the following weekend and almost declined his offer, but I recognized that not only was this a chance to learn from an expert, it was also an opportunity to participate with a good friend in a divinely appointed program.

He did come, and I found that I didn’t know much about pruning grapes after all. This year we’re going to have a much better grape harvest—and we have shared an experience that has deepened our friendship.

3. Develop confidence through periodic interviews. One of the best ways to develop the right kind of working relationship in home teaching is for the home teachers and the head of the household to get together occasionally to assess the family’s needs. During such interviews the father can convey to the home teachers the needs of individuals and discuss how he feels the family and home teachers can best work together to meet those needs. The home teachers, in turn, can offer counsel and determine what they need to do to fulfill their assignments as well.

One father, in an interview with his home teachers, showed confidence in his home teachers by mentioning that his teenagers were having difficulty keeping the Sabbath day holy. As a member of the stake presidency, he was quite concerned that because of his many meetings he was not able to help with the problem as much as he would like to.

As a result, the home teachers prayed about the situation and developed a series of discussions in which family members could express their true feelings about what they could do on the Sabbath to keep it holy. The children developed their own ideas as well as listened to the home teachers’ suggestions, and over the next several months many conflicts were avoided.

Another father met with his home teachers to express his concern about his teenage son who was having difficulty being successful in school and Church athletics because of his small size. He was fourteen years old but was underdeveloped physically; consequently, he was not considered for athletic events.

This difficulty was one that the father and home teacher discussed periodically over several years. One of their solutions was to help the young man get a job in a store where several others in his class worked. It soon became evident to his friends of larger stature that he was as good at his work as they were. This led to greater acceptance among the group.

The father and home teacher also concluded that the boy could achieve in Scouting, even though he may not be able to play center on the basketball team. As a result, they worked closely with him and encouraged him to achieve his Eagle Scout award. This, too, gave him added self-esteem.

Every family needs home teachers—not just for emergencies, and not to be constantly peering over their shoulders and jumping in to help with every little thing, but to watch over them in the spirit of love as the Savior suggested, to be there when they are needed, and to remind and gently prod when that is needed too. A home teacher who is anxious to help, and parents who are willing to receive that help, can perform many services to strengthen the family unit in righteous living.

Photography by Michael M. McConkie