Do These Six Things to Become an Excellent Communicator

22 August 2019

Twelve Principles of Self-Reliance
Principle 8: Communication

We all get frustrated or confused at times when we try to express our thoughts to others or try to understand what others are saying. A lot of misunderstanding happens because we are inattentive, we misinterpret body language, or we are reluctant to say how we are really feeling.

We can all learn to communicate better, and in the process we can build stronger relationships and handle difficult situations with more success. Try these six tips to become an excellent communicator.

1. Concentrate.

Focus on the speaker’s words and body language. Don’t interrupt. Don’t make any judgments or plan how you are going to respond. Instead, be patient and listen.

2. Appreciate.

Use reassuring responses like okay and yes while the person is speaking so that they know you are listening and it is safe for them to keep talking. If the speaker seems shy or nervous, let them pause and gather their thoughts. When the person is done speaking, thank them for sharing their comments with you.

3. Review.

Summarize the speaker’s comments and then ask something like “Am I understanding that correctly?” Give the speaker an opportunity to correct you or to rephrase their comments.

4. Ask questions.

Give the speaker an opportunity to express their emotions. You can ask questions like “How does that make you feel?” or “What do you think about that?”

These first four steps are all about listening and creating a sense of trust. There is no blaming, no judging—just trying to understand what the other person is expressing. From here, you can start to express your own thoughts.

5. Apologize or sympathize.

If there are any hard feelings between you and the speaker, it’s time to apologize. An honest apology goes a long way. If an apology doesn’t seem appropriate in this situation, you could say something like “I’m sorry that happened” or “I’m sorry you are in this situation.”

6. If it seems appropriate, offer help.

You do not have to fix the problem. You are there to love and to support the other person, make suggestions, and guide the person toward resources. Sometimes listening makes all the difference. Other times the person might need practical help. If the issue is between the speaker and another person, don’t get in the middle. You could simply say something like “I think you need to talk to the person you are having a problem with.”

Relationships can be hard. Sometimes our natural inclination is to be selfish, angry, or careless. But inside every person is a bit of the divine maker. God instills His love in each of us. We have to work to preserve it, to hear and follow His quiet voice urging us to be kind, to love, and to be patient. When we pause and see others as God sees them, it’s easier to be calm in challenging relationships or conversations. Remember: we are here to learn how to get along, to grow toward God, and to help others do the same.