To me, anxiety feels like a tightness and like a darkness that sits on my chest and then spreads through the rest of my body. It feels cold. It feels unplanned. I never know when it's going to hit,

and some days I don't feel it at all. And some days it’s everything just to function as a mom.

You know, as a child I had irrational fears, but I wouldn't say that I had a mental illness. Becoming a mom is when my journey started with anxiety. I didn't realize at the time, but the traumatic experiences I think I had getting my kids here was rewiring my brain. And having that mindset for so long was so damaging that, you know, soon I couldn't even go in the grocery store anymore because I felt like it was too dangerous. And it took me a long time to realize that this was a mental disorder and my thoughts were distorted and I needed help more than just praying it away.

I had to work really hard in therapy, and even therapy wasn't enough for me, and I had to go to medication, and I was really reluctant about that. I did not want to take anything, but I did. And it took time to find the right, you know, medication for me. And that’s helped not only my spirituality but just my brain have a fighting chance to use the tools that I've learned in therapy. But for a long time, I felt like I couldn’t even feel the Spirit because I was so consumed with anxiety and just feelings of doubt and worthlessness. It's so important to have someone that you feel safe around,

because to feel judged when you're already judging yourself is really tough. So I was very lucky to have my sister-in-law, Chris. She was always a safe place I could go to, and I would tell her all about my struggles, and she was a great support for me and wanted me to get help. But I never felt judged from her.

It wasn’t too hard to know because Becky’s very open, and I think that’s one of her greatest strengths is that she's willing to talk and to communicate about what she's going through. And I think that's a big part of why she's been able to overcome a lot of what she's going through. But she would just talk about the things that she was experiencing. And in my brain, I'm just so different from her. But I could see, you know, talking with her,

these were real to her and things that she was really scared about. And so I think it would just come out of a lot of conversations. And she educates herself on anxiety.

You know, she doesn't feel like she has that problem. She has a hard time understanding it. But she goes to a class or, you know, she tried to learn about it, like, I felt like for me, to help me.

And so, it means everything. That you’ve always been there as a friend and as a sister and

just always having my back and being a safe place to turn to when, you know, I just so desperately at home want everything to be okay. I felt like you were a safe place to go and that I wouldn't have to put more of that on my husband or my kids.

Well, the neat thing is that when I have had ideas of—I think there was a documentary on anxiety and I thought, Becky, we need to go and see this documentary. And it was interesting because I thought, This is what we need to do to help you. And it ended up helping me. And I think when you talk about how important you are to me, I feel like people like me who don’t struggle with anxiety, I have learned so much, and I’ve learned how to become so much more compassionate and empathetic and nonjudgmental because of what I’ve learned. And it’s definitely not one-sided. It’s not, Here’s someone who has a problem and needs help, and here are people that can help you. The more that I feel I have been part of this journey, I feel like she's helped me just as much. And going to that documentary, for example, I came back far more empowered than I think even she did. And so, that meant so much to me that you would just listen and love and support, but you weren't, you know, trying to fix my problems.

That's why I think I felt so safe talking to you about stuff.

I definitely had my low moments, you know? But leaning on my Savior has been everything—with the medication and therapy and knowing that my Savior has felt all that I have— has been everything for me. I used to think of Christ as someone who was just perfect, which means He has no emotions, you know? Because in my head, emotions are bad.

But learning more about Him, He felt so much. We know He wept and we know He struggled. And knowing that He’s personally felt everything that I have felt— and it’s just given me so much hope that this is a weakness that can become a strength one day. And I just keep trying and keep working hard at it.