So after dating for some time,
we eventually got married. And I was pretty excited
about being married and experience the
whole married thing. I actually thought that
getting married and all of that would "cure me." But unfortunately,
it didn't happen.
I felt many times that
covering up or hiding or not acknowledging my
attractions made me feel that I was
living in denial.
But I always felt really
conflicted inside. It didn't affect my love
for my wife or my attraction towards her; it was
just more about coping with these attractions
towards men and hoping that getting
married will change it. I don't really think
about it in those terms, that "Oh, I'm LDS and
my husband's SSA." Um, he's still my husband. I don't really talk about it. Actually, I don't talk about
it with anyone at church. But when discussions arise,
when they talk about gay people or things that have
happened this year, I think I feel--have more
tender feelings that maybe I wouldn't have had otherwise. So I feel like I can
sympathize a little bit more, knowing my husband and
what he goes through and how things affect
him and his feelings.
The members that
are understanding and nonjudgmental, that show
love and support for people who are gay or experiencing same-sex
attraction--that's the best thing they can do,
is just not to judge, because I think a lot of members
that experience SSA already feel bad about those feelings. And making them feel worse isn't
going to help them in any way. And you know, we
all go to church, and we all want to
show love and charity, and anybody who goes to church
usually wants to be there. They want to be
uplifted; they want to be inspired to do something
better with their lives. And so when there
are hurtful comments, it's really hard
for those members that experience SSA
or that are gay. It's really hard for them
to feel welcome at church, and we want them
to feel welcome. We want them to feel love and
that we can all make it back to our Heavenly Father someday.