What I Learned about Marriage When I Almost Burned My House Down

“Honey! The toaster’s on fire!”

This was definitely not something I expected to be yelling one morning only a couple weeks after our wedding. But let me back up a bit.

My husband and I had decided to get married mid-semester, so while I was being hounded with homework and midterms, I was also given loads of marriage advice. There seemed to be two prevailing theories: one, that marriage was completely romantic and wonderful, and two, that marriage was a lot harder than people let on.

But let’s get back to my flaming toaster. After the fire alarm went off, I called desperately to my husband. The toaster was engulfed in foot-high flames. I stared at him, frozen, while he ran the toaster outside and started banging it upside down to put the flames out. It was our first time using the toaster, and I was thinking that maybe it was just prone to spontaneous combustion. But then, out fell a thick clump of ash. Apparently, I had toasted more than just bread that morning—the instruction manual had still been inside.

Is Marriage a Fairytale? (No)

In a fairytale world, this whole toaster-on-fire situation probably never would have happened. And if it did, it would have at least ended with a kiss on the porch while the smoking toaster cooled off on the lawn. In my case, we were both too panicked about me nearly burning the house down to relax. Don’t get me wrong, we have our fair share of wonderful and romantic moments, but we have plenty of human moments too.

President Russell M. Nelson has said: “Each marriage starts with two built-in handicaps. It involves two imperfect people. Happiness can come to them only through their earnest effort. ... That effort will succeed if each partner will minimize personal demands and maximize actions of loving selflessness.”¹ So marriage takes work. And in some ways, that’s such a relief. I don’t need to compare my marriage to the impossible standards set by romance writers or jewelry commercials. Instead, the standards are set by Heavenly Father. He already knew that we (and our marriage) wouldn’t be perfect. And He gave us the Savior so we can repent and improve and forgive each day.

Is Marriage Miserable? (Also No)

On the other hand, media portrays so many unhappy couples that the world seems to expect marriage to be miserable. There are definitely some difficult marriages, but there are so many happy marriages too!

So while being married isn’t always perfectly romantic, it doesn’t have to be a battle either. President Gordon B. Hinckley (1910–2008) said, “True love is not so much a matter of romance as it is a matter of anxious concern for the well being of one’s companion.”²

Sometimes, I come home and my husband has done the laundry and dishes. Other times, I burn the enchiladas, or we get a little too competitive with each other during a game. There are adjustments to make and problems to solve; there are good times and not so good times. But all in all, we love each other, and we do our best to follow the Savior and keep our covenants.

Is a Celestial Marriage Possible? (YES!)

President Nelson recently emphasized that with the appropriate effort, temple marriage can become a wonderful blessing: “Harmony in marriage comes only when one esteems the welfare of his or her spouse among the highest of priorities. When that really happens, a celestial marriage becomes a reality, bringing great joy in this life and in the life to come.”³

Since I was a child, I’ve known that a temple marriage allows families to be together forever. But I never thought much about how being sealed together blesses us now. As we keep the covenants we make and show patience, love, and forgiveness, Heavenly Father strengthens and blesses us in our marriage. Over time, our marriage becomes celestial. I have felt these blessings as my husband and I pray, read the scriptures, and attend the temple together. I have seen how the Lord has guided us in times of trouble and helped us learn to work through problems.

As we work on having a celestial marriage (which, remember, isn’t yet a perfect marriage!), we can prepare for an everlasting marriage that is more wonderful than we can imagine. President Nelson said: “The full realization of the blessings of a temple marriage is almost beyond our mortal comprehension. Such a marriage will continue to grow in the celestial realm. There we can become perfected.”⁴

There are days when my husband and I experience figurative “flaming toasters.” But there are many other days full of laughter, happiness, and love. As we serve God and our eternal companion, a celestial marriage can become a reality in this life. The burning toaster incident helps me look at my marriage from an eternal perspective. Laugh at the bad, laugh at the good, love each other through it all. And maybe, just maybe, marriage can be easy as ... toast?

Notes

1. Russell M. Nelson, “Celestial Marriage,” Liahona, Nov. 2008, 94.
2. Gordon B. Hinckley, “Except the Lord Build the House ...” Ensign, June 1971, 71.
3. Russell M. Nelson, “Celestial Marriage,” 94.
4. Russell M. Nelson, “Celestial Marriage,” 94.