Seeing Myself for Who I Can Become

Like many returned missionaries will tell you about their time serving the Lord, I absolutely loved my mission. For me, it was two years of almost nonstop spiritual experiences and blessings, watching and helping people come closer to Christ and overcoming periods of trial and homesickness. It was amazing, and I wouldn’t trade my mission for anything.

But my experience right after my mission was not what I had imagined. I came home and felt like I was suddenly facing all kinds of expectations about where I should go, what I should do, and how I should act. I felt blindsided by questions from others about my dating life and my career, and I didn’t have solid answers. And along with these extra expectations came increased temptation. Much like Nephi in the Book of Mormon, I felt “encompassed about, because of the temptations and the sins which do so easily beset me” (2 Nephi 4:18).

I never stopped going to church or trying to fulfill my callings. I even got married in the temple. Still, I knew that there were parts of my behavior that were not the way they should be. I kept going back and forth between the testimony I had shared on my mission and the way I was behaving now. I knew that Heavenly Father and the Savior loved me, but even with that knowledge, I questioned why—why would They love a person like me who kept making such silly, easily avoidable mistakes? Or, for that matter, how could They love a person who made even more serious poor choices?

Understanding the Atonement of Jesus Christ

Eventually, I realized I needed to find answers to my questions. So I began to really study more about the Atonement of Jesus Christ and ponder the things I read and how they applied to me.

Moses 1:39 teaches that God’s purpose is “to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man.” I knew that the Atonement of Jesus Christ is what makes the whole plan of salvation possible, and that it was through His Atonement that Christ took upon Himself “the pains and the sicknesses of his people” (Alma 7:11). During the agony of His suffering in Gethsemane, Christ suffered for all my sins and pains. He knows everything I have done and knows that I will fall short in the future. The suffering was so painful that He even asked God to “remove this cup from me.” And yet, even while suffering for the sins of all mankind, even after asking for the pain to go away, He still said, “Not my will, but thine, be done.” (See Luke 22:42.)

Studying Christ’s Atonement helped me understand that Heavenly Father and the Savior love me despite my shortcomings and my sins, but I still struggled to understand why They love me the way They do.

Seeing through the “Sight of God”

I finally found my answer after pondering Doctrine and Covenants 18:10: “Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God.” This verse wasn’t new to me—I’d heard and read it dozens of times. However, this time the Spirit helped me understand that this verse did not just mean that it is God’s opinion that souls are valuable, as I had always interpreted it before. No, “the sight of God” means so much more.

In my limited sight, I was only seeing my poor choices in the moment. I was imagining myself making those same choices throughout the rest of my life. I was not seeing through God’s sight; He sees not only my current situation but also my potential.

Both Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ know perfectly well that I have made and will make many mistakes. And through Their heavenly eternal perspective, They also see the total worth of my soul—They see what I can become. This is why Christ paid the price for my sins in Gethsemane and on the cross, even after understanding all the wrong that I would do.

Now, I know I’m not perfect. I will continue to fall short as I learn to be more like Christ. However, now I understand that when He said, “What manner of men ought ye to be? Verily I say unto you, even as I am” (3 Nephi 27:27), being “even as He is” includes having the heavenly vision to see my potential. Reaching that potential won’t be immediate. It likely won’t even be in this life. But I know by embracing the gift of repentance and focusing on Christ, I can look past the mistakes I make each day to see myself even as He is—even as I can become.