Pornography addiction is "a plague like we have never seen," but God knows about this and has provided an escape through the healing power of Jesus Christ.
Pornography today is a plague like we have never seen. It's breaking apart families. It's destroying lives. It distorts our sense of who people are and what true love is.
I knew deep within my heart, "I've got a problem."
I knew something was wrong. It came out at one time that it was an addiction to pornography.
And I actually went to my wife to talk to her about it and let her know that I am struggling and I want help. I made up my mind that I was going to do whatever I needed to.
Our bishop was a great support to me, but also to Troy. We finally went to a counselor, and everything was laid on the table before me.
I was ready to talk, to begin the full disclosure of my addiction in all of its details.
It was hard. Everything came out, all of the choices and decisions that he had made that came with his addiction. And I took it very personal.
At that particular point in time, I was already on my road to recovery. It put her right at the beginning.
The devastation and the pain was at a place where we either had to fix it or I had to walk away.
Healing from the effects of pornography takes time. Everyone's situation is different. We need to know and have faith that the Savior knows us and our very situation and He knows how to heal us and heal those around us.
It took a little while. I think I just needed to be alone. But I didn't want to be without him. And I was reading in Moses chapter 7 about Enoch:
"And he beheld Satan; and he had a great chain in his hand, and it veiled the whole face of the earth with darkness; and he looked up and laughed, and his angels rejoiced."
When I read that scripture, it hit me that the adversary was laughing at me as much as he was laughing at Troy and his addiction. I did not want to give him that power anymore. I wanted to take my family back. I wanted our marriage back.
Our Father in Heaven loves each and every one of His children. He knew about pornography, that this would be the plague of our day, and so He has provided an escape. It's almost beyond our ability to comprehend, but it is so true. Our Father in Heaven has provided a way for our escape.
I remember being on my knees and just pleading with God to heal my sweetheart. I knew her heart was broken. I knew she was devastated. And in the same prayer, I was also pleading for forgiveness.
The Lord helped me see that we need each other to make it through this life. It's about working it out together. He can't make it through his addiction--he couldn't have without me. And I can't make it through this life without him.
The Lord knows us and loves us. We are His children. He knew we would make mistakes. Many don't even want to approach the Lord in prayer because they feel they have crossed the line and gone too far. "He won't want to listen. Why would He? He doesn't love me anymore."
Nothing could be farther from the truth. When we come to Him, He immediately begins to help us and to lift this burden.
I can't even begin to measure what the Lord has done for me and my family. We've never been closer.
The adversary's victory would have been to destroy our family. Our victory and Heavenly Father's victory was that we didn't, that we saved our family, that we allowed the Savior to save our family.
He took a broken man, He took a broken heart, He took a broken soul--a self-loathing, self-hating, self-destructive individual--and He healed me.