12 Steps to Change

    Step 10: Daily Accountability - Adrienne’s Story on Cocaine Addiction Recovery

    Step 10

    Adrienne's story on drug addiction recovery using the 12 step program.4:45

    Adrienne kept her cocaine addiction secret from everyone, including her husband. When her habit threatened the lives of the medical patients she worked with, she decided to change, but she couldn’t do it alone. With the help of God and her husband, she continues to be honest with herself and stay accountable for her actions every day.

    Step 10 - Daily Accountability: Continue to take personal inventory, and when you are wrong promptly admit it.

    Those who face addictions often struggle with the consequences of their choices for many years, sometimes for their whole lives. The outcomes that are portrayed in this video series do not reflect the possible range of outcomes that may be experienced by others. If you or someone you love is experiencing these challenges, or would like more information about addiction recovery, please visit addictionrecovery.lds.org.


      [MUSIC PLAYING] I worked in labor and delivery. I was having all these amazing experiences delivering babies and bringing all these new little people into the world, and all of that was extremely intriguing to me. I worked nights and took 40 hours a call. One night I had worked my shift, had gone home, and I was on call.

      I was pretty sure that I wasn't going to get called in. I had a cocaine habit, and I was pretty proud of that because it went on for several years and my husband had no idea. So I thought it was amazing. I had used so much I couldn't feel my teeth, I couldn't feel my fingers, and I was spun out of my mind.

      I did get a call, and it was for an emergency c-section for twins. So I went. I forgot to wear shoes. I was going 600 miles an hour in a 30-mile-an-hour zone, and I couldn't slow down. I had absolutely no business trying to help deliver babies, be in the operating room. One little slip is all it would have taken.

      There's no way that God did not touch that situation. I could've been the cause of those babies' deaths. I decided that at that point, it was out of control. As I worked through the program, the addiction recovery program, and got to step 10, it was being able to be accountable to my husband, the one person that I didn't want to judge me, and to be able to tell him, "I want to use right now. And I have access to what I want to use. And I'm letting you know because that scares me."

      Most people in my family didn't even know I had an addiction. People thought that the addict Adrienne, who was actually who they met and who they knew and who they had come to their kids' birthday parties--that was the addict.

      Nobody actually had ever met Adrienne. I don't think I had ever met Adrienne.

      I just looked over at my husband said, "I don't know how to do this. I've never done Thanksgiving sober before. Right now I really don't want to, because I'm not sure that I'm ready to feel all of that." I thought that I wanted him to just praise me and be so proud of me for saying that and just really pat me on the back, and he didn't.

      He just said, "Thanks for telling me. I'm sure you'll make the right decision."

      There's a saying that says, "You don't have any control whether a bird lands on your head, but you don't have to let it make a nest there." And step 10 is not letting it make a nest. The daily accountability part is checking in, making sure that I'm doing things with intention. And the intention is following the will of the Savior.

      That was my first holiday sober by choice. It was scary. I can do scary things. I can do hard things. I am no longer my addictions. I am a success story.