How Do I Discern between the Spirit and My Own Thoughts and Emotions?

My husband, Jordan, and I got married in January of 2020. Two months later, when the COVID-19 pandemic began, Jordan’s life and job as a medical assistant continued in person while my life became confined to our basement apartment. He left work totally exhausted after 12-hour shifts and arrived home to find a wife half-crazy with loneliness.

It was a hard year for both of us, even though we were both trying our best. Jordan’s dream is to be a doctor, but he was having very little luck with medical school applications, and I developed difficult and confusing health problems.

Then, long after we’d given up hope of a medical school acceptance and just weeks before classes were supposed to start, Jordan unexpectedly got off a waitlist and was offered a spot at a medical school in another country.

This should have been a happy event; after all, just months before, Jordan had completed applications in hopes of getting an offer like this one. But we hadn’t anticipated all the complications that moving during a pandemic would bring, like crossing closed borders and leaving the doctors who were only starting to figure out what was wrong with my health.

We had no idea what to do. The medical school admissions process was so competitive and difficult that we couldn’t fathom turning down the offer, but we also had a lot of worries about making such a huge move at such a precarious time. We decided that we couldn’t make this decision on our own and needed to seek revelation.

Learning to Understand the Spirit

My confidence in my ability to receive revelation was at an all-time low. I felt like all my prayers in the last year had gone unanswered, as my health problems continued, and the pandemic stretched on with no end in sight. I’d never felt so disconnected from my Heavenly Father and Savior.

In addition, every time I tried to seriously contemplate an international move, I felt sick to my stomach. My anxious feelings grew with every passing day. I thought these feelings were preventing me from receiving revelation that this was the right decision; why didn’t I want to go? Wasn’t this everything we had worked for?

I was afraid to admit my feelings to Jordan. I thought he’d be disappointed, or even see me as selfish for not supporting him in his goals. I was sure that my own insecurities were getting in the way of what the Lord was trying to tell me, and I didn’t want to let down the man I loved.

Instead, I was shocked when Jordan admitted that he didn’t feel right about the offer either. Despite his goals, he believed that the Lord might have a different plan for us.

His humble willingness to sacrifice his dreams changed how I saw everything. I shifted my approach to receiving revelation and understood, for the first time, that there might be reasons behind what I was feeling. During this time, I found this scripture particularly helpful: “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind” (2 Timothy 1:7).

Maybe my reasons for wanting to stay weren’t horrible and wrong and selfish like I’d feared. I loved my husband. I had a sound mind when I tried to rely on the Lord and sincerely sought revelation. I began to realize that trials and strong emotions didn’t disqualify me from receiving revelation. Instead, if I was working hard to align my life with the commandments and the covenants I had made and doing the things that helped me be in tune with the Spirit, then my emotions could actually be part of the revelatory process.

I learned that it is not uncommon for the Lord to speak to us through certain emotions. He says that He will “speak peace to your mind” (Doctrine and Covenants 6:23), that “you shall feel that it is right” (Doctrine and Covenants 9:8), and that the Spirit “shall enlighten your mind, which shall fill your soul with joy” (Doctrine and Covenants 11:13). What I didn’t find during my study was any evidence that the Spirit would fill me with fear and apprehension, so I changed my approach. I began looking for answers that filled me with peace and joy.

Gaining Perspective

After prayerfully counseling together, Jordan and I ultimately decided not to take the offer. It was a hard decision. It meant immense sacrifice for Jordan, who would have to put his goals on hold and go through another grueling application process, and it meant a lot of uncertainty for the future. But we felt the Lord “speak peace to our souls” (Alma 58:11) when we decided to stay, so we stuck to our decision.

For many years, my favorite scripture has been Doctrine and Covenants 123:17: “Therefore, dearly beloved brethren, let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power; and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed.”

I love the implication that the Lord’s arm has been involved in the entire process of revelation; sometimes we just need to wait until it is “revealed” or until we have the perspective to see it.

Now, about a year after we made this tough decision, I find myself constantly grateful that we didn’t take the offer. What felt like a challenging trial at the time ended up being an opportunity for my husband and me to learn how the Spirit speaks to each of us. The strength and the closeness we gained became incredibly valuable to us and helped us build a foundation of trust in ourselves, in our ability to seek revelation, and in the Lord’s inspired timing. As President Russell M. Nelson explained: “There may be times when you feel as though the heavens are closed. But I promise that as you continue to be obedient, … you will be given the knowledge and understanding you seek.”¹

If you are keeping the gospel at the center of your life and doing things that keep you close to the Savior, then “cast not away therefore your confidence” (Hebrews 10:35). What you feel and what the Spirit is telling you can be in harmony. Honoring baptismal covenants guarantees that we “may always have his Spirit to be with [us]” (Doctrine and Covenants 20:77), and we can ask the Lord to send feelings of peace as we make decisions. As we rely on the Lord to guide us by the Spirit and choose to do those things that help us remain open to revelation, we can trust that what we feel inspired to do is the Lord’s will.

Note

1. Russell M. Nelson, “Revelation for the Church, Revelation for Our Lives,” Liahona, May 2018, 95, 96.