Forgiveness doesn’t mean putting up with getting hurt.

This is so difficult. When you're forgiving someone who denies they did anything wrong!! Who blames the person who has died—because of, at least in part, their actions. It’s one of those things that tears us all up inside! And makes us wish we’d known more of what was happening. But we didn't. And we go on. And trust that the Lord will make all things right and fair. It doesn't feel fair right now.

I’ve had a hard time understanding what my responsibility is when it comes to forgiveness and keeping contact my toxic parents and sisters. They aren’t members of the church, I’m the only member and have suffered much verbal and physical abuse from my father as a child, teenager and young adult. I left home at nineteen after he physically abused me. Not sexual just physical. I have kept in contact but the verbal abuse, condemnation and disrespect has continued all through my adult life. I’m 67 years old now and both my parents are still alive. I’ve made a lot of effort to keep the relationships going which is pretty much one sided. A year ago I sent a respectful email to my father stating that my mother said some very undeserved, hurtful and unkind things about my children and my sisters children, but praised the third and favorite sisters child. This has been a pattern. My father emailed me back jumping all over me saying my mother would never do that making me the bad person. He has never responded to any further emails from me including photos of the great grand children cutting me off by changing his email. My mother on the other hand lied about the entire conversation to the rest of the family also making me the bad person. I’ve been the family escape goat most of my life and I’ve had enough. It’s a toxic and unhealthy family dynamic. In addition both sisters have now joined up with my parents since their older and infermed. I want to cut contact with all of them, it’s very unhealthy and destructive to my self worth to contact them. I have feared I would be considered breaking a commandment or unforgiving for cutting them off?

There is no end for enduring to the end when it comes to Brother and Sisterhood, only time to fix what is and was broken in relationships.

Jeffrey B, may God bless you for your trial. I'm sure you are aware of your ward family and leadership that can help support and strengthen you. It is a tough situation. Nephi had to cut ties with his brothers for this reason of abuse etc. May you be strengthened and blessed.

Is there a general authority who can be quoted as having said, "We can work toward forgiving someone and still feel prompted by the Spirit to stay away from them." Elder Holland did not say that in General Conference. What if we have fully forgiven children who continue practicing elder abuse on us? In order to justify many major family- and self-destructive practices and errors in their lives (including self-mutilation), some of my children kept secrets for 20 years about abuses that never happened and "failures to fulfill family responsibilities". They attempt to gaslight me into believing I do not remember what I do remember. They waited until our faithful daughter, who they also persecuted, passed on, to reveal to me 'crimes' they have falsely concocted and perceived and cruelly embellished. They have created and embellished false stories about abuse that never occurred, and lack of protection on my part. They currently cruelly withhold my participation in family activities as a punishment. I am not perfect and go from 'be calm, the Lord will straighten this out', to anger in my weaker moments for this grievous and painful injustice. It hurts deeply to have my children, as the Lord said, "revile you and persecute you and say all manner of evil against you falsely for my names sake." It is very difficult to "rejoice and be exceeding glad for great shall be your reward in heaven" and feel forgiving all the time. I constantly seek and embrace the Holy Spirit which calms and comforts me and am diligent in striving to keep the Spirit with me constantly. But I am far short of perfect at it. I have learned the Lord is most gracious in granting my request, but I am still weak. I have forgiven my children but cannot confess offenses that were intentionally kept secret in the dark because of their falsehood. Like Joseph Smith and his testimony of seeing the Father and the Son, I cannot deny the truth (confess a lie) and dare not do it, because I know my Heavenly Father knows my innocence and I dare not deny it. My children have rejected Him as well, and one has even called Jesus himself a cult leader. The Lord has advised me to stay away from the perpetrators because getting angry can be deadly for a two-time stroke victim like myself. My children are well aware that their actions are life-threatening to me and that elders suffering elder abuse are 3 times for likely to die. They actively, in this way, seek my demise while looking down and admitting to loving me, then tell me they cannot accept my apologies for ACTUAL weak moments/words because I warn them about their self- and family- mutilating activities which they do in the presence of my grandchildren. My forgiveness of them is complete yet complicated by continued abuse, but the Spirit has warned me it is unsafe to be in their homes.