Our Job Is to Not Throw Stones

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Christ kneeling in front of the woman taken in adultery

One day as I checked social media, I came across a post that took my breath away. One of my good childhood friends had just come out as transgender. And they also explained that they had decided to withdraw from Church activity completely and pursue a new lifestyle.

I was completely blindsided by the news, and at first, it devastated me.

I reflected on the memories of me and this friend going to school, working on class projects, and hanging out together. Suddenly it was like everything we had gone through hadn’t even happened. I felt like my friend had died and that a new person was trying to take their place. I felt like mourning their loss, and it was very hard on me.

But my friend hadn’t died; they were just experiencing something I didn’t understand, and I didn’t know how to react. My friend was rejecting the gospel that they had once known to be true. And if they were turning their back against the Church, weren’t they also turning their back against God?

I didn’t know what to think about the whole situation. Questions like, “Should I mourn my friend as a loss, or should I just move on with my life as if nothing has happened?” puzzled me. In the midst of this personal dilemma, I remembered some words that President Dallin H. Oaks had shared. He taught that as members of the Church, “We honor individual agency” (“Truth and the Plan,” Ensign, Nov. 2018, 27).

His statement rang loud and true for me. It was in that moment—after months of struggling and praying over how to feel and think—that I finally realized I had been going about things completely wrong. I was judging my friend for a decision they had made about how they wanted to live their life, but that kind of judgment wasn’t mine to make.

While it’s my responsibility to exercise judge between right and wrong in my personal choices of life, I’ve realized that it’s not my job to condemn another person for their choices—that responsibility is God’s, and His alone! Because He alone understands perfectly the true feelings, circumstances, and motivations of each of His children. I was wrong to assume that I had any reason to judge others, or that I knew better or could ever fully understand the feelings and experiences of someone else. So I decided that I had better let God and Jesus do their job, because They are much better at it than I am.

As I considered what I could possibly do, the Spirit directed my mind to the New Testament story about the woman taken in adultery. In this story, when the woman was brought before Jesus, the people asked Him what they should do to her. As a crowd looked on ready to stone the woman, which was the normal practice of the day, Jesus told them: “He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone” (John 8:7). The onlookers immediately departed without throwing any stones at the woman. After they had all left, Jesus looked at the woman and told her: “Go, and sin no more” (John 8:11).

In reflecting on this story, I realized that the judgment and invitation to “go, and sin no more” wasn’t my invitation—it was the Savior’s. He paid the price for each of us, and invites each of us—every single one of us (“For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God” [Romans 3:23])—to “go, and sin no more.” And it’s up to us to decide whether or not we’re going to listen to Him. We can’t decide for anyone but ourselves, and must “honor individual agency” as President Oaks directed.

As I thought more about the story, I wondered, What about me? What about us? As members of the Church, and children of God, what is our role in this story?

Then it hit me: we are the crowd of onlookers! And our role is simple: don’t throw stones at others.

It seems pretty easy, right? But what does it really mean to not throw stones? Well, it means that we shouldn’t judge, hate, or condemn others we either disagree with or simply don’t understand. While the Lord has commanded us to “judge righteous judgment” (John 7:24), part of that does include having the ability to see and understand others’ action as sinful, but it doesn’t mean we can condemn them for their choices—or treat them with any less love than we would anyone else. All of Heavenly Father’s children are worth loving, encouraging, and saving. Our job isn’t to focus on what everyone else is doing wrong—our job is to use our own agency to keep the commandments and find our way back to Heavenly Father. Our job is to also follow the Lord’s commandments to 1) love God and 2) “love one another” (John 13:34).

Regardless of what choices I make, both good and bad, Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ still love me completely. And as I follow the Savior and strive to live as He did, no matter how someone else might choose to live and regardless of if I agree with their decisions—I can choose to love them completely too.

And that’s what I always plan to do. I will continue to love my friend—no matter what!